I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

On another totally different note - what do I want for lunch next week? I need to do my online food shop today and I can't think what to order for lunches next week?

A couple of weeks ago I posted that i was so excited about ordering lots of yummy stuff for lunch and now I can't even think what I want! I have mostly been having wraps with lots of lovely fillings (hallumi, hummus, stilton etc) but I'm a bit bored - I did have soup and some sandwiches on lovely seeded bread but didn't find those quite as filling.

Any ideas of where to start?

Hey Wookie, I'd say that coming on this thread and sharing your story with the rest of us means you've already started! So welcome to your first day of learning to eat like a normal person.

What you wrote is such a familiar story to all of us on this thread (which I am SO grateful to Sweet for starting!). It's that constant, spiralling panic of knowing you weigh more than you want to and thinking that a diet is the only way to fix it.

I would think about giving yourself a 'diet' holiday. For the next two weeks, don't be on a diet, don't think about going on a diet and – this seems to work for most of us – don't weigh yourself at all. Just give your mind and body the break that they both clearly need. If you do overeat in those two weeks, don't beat yourself up about it - chalk it down to having to relearn to eat normally again. Then keep coming on this thread for support. Some of the posters are years down the line of not dieting and have great advice. We're all here for you!

Sweetheart, I know planning ahead is the most budget-effective way to shop, but while you're in the early days of not-dieting, can you shop on the hoof? Eating what you truly want is really important, so can you just buy what you want to eat on the day?

Unfortunately my work day doesn't coincide with popping to a shop every lunchtime. I could leave it until during the weekend to see if inspiration hits me I suppose but need to have enough stuff to hand for the week ahead by Monday morning. Everything lunch I've had at work suring the last 5 weeks has genuinly been something I wanted to eat and was excited to have.

I think if I did manage to pop to a shop each day I'd also be at risk of being lured into buying lots of additional snack bits that I don't need and would end up costing me a small fortune.

Fair enough! Back to food inspiration then – what about roasted veggies and chicken (unless you don't eat meat!) with pasta or couscous, to give yourself a break from bread/wraps. More filling too.

ohhh yes I like the sound of that - maybe with some halloumi in it (I may actually be addicted to halloumi!!!!)

I LOVE halloumi too! It would be great with couscous and roasted veg.

Meanwhile, the weirdest thing has just happened. I just had a shower ahead of doing the school run and put the wrong pair of jeans on - a skinny pair that I've avoided wearing for ages. They are a bit LOOSE. Not loads, just a bit. But noticeably and without any effort other than not dieting. I'm amazed!

Good for you @Sweetheart . I came to this realisation a couple of years ago after realising how miserable I was every time I tried to lose weight by dieting. Ruby Tandoh's books Flavour and Eat really inspired me to 'eat what I want when I want'. Instead of starving myself all day and then binging on biscuits at night, it eventually balanced out. I went through the whole eating shit loads of takeaways and chocolate when I started not caring, but after a little
While I realised I wasn't enjoying it and my eating became a lot more balanced and healthier. I've realised that I actually enjoy vibrant, fresh healthy foods and when I don't have to eat just salads because weight watchers said so but because it's a salad I actually love, then it's far more satisfying. And eating the foods I love that make me feel good means I don't bat an eyelid when I eat cake. Breaking out of the starve/binge cycle was the best thing I ever did for my health! I can now have just a couple of biscuits instead of the whole packet. It's really boring but sensible, moderate eating is the only way to go!

That's really encouraging to read, Pretamum – I can't wait for the day when my eating is more balanced without me having to think about it.

@BookwormMe it doesn't always work - today I ended up having jam on toast for breakfast, a Starbucks toasted sandwich for lunch and a slice of cake! I feel really sluggish now, so I know that tomorrow I'll revert back to eating fruit for breakfast and not just eat bread all day! Noticing how my body feels after I eat makes a big difference - if the food makes me feel crap physically then what's the point of eating it?

This resonated with me OP, another woman who is a slave to the diet industry, after doing keto for months I'm ill, my body is failing majorly, DH is losing weight and feeling the healthiest he has in years on it and I am feeling atrocious and losing nothing and have gained a protruding, fat gut so I'm back in no mans land just grazing my way though anything.

I don't trust my body to guide me though, it craves carbs at all times, my ideal day would be porridge or toast followed by sandwiches and then potatoes for dinner, I know I'd be the size of a house in no time.

My sister has recently read rebel for and ditched dieting in favour of being strong and healthy and fit despite being bigger, I'm so pleased to hear it from her because her eating has been disordered in the past to a worrying level.

Here here. I count my blessings that I am comfortable and able to afford the delicious food that I eat. Life is too short. Yes don't go crazy but it is so miserable counting calories and checking how many 'syns' are in stuff.

TBS - can I just say (well welcome first of all) for years I have told myself that carbs are evil and that there is no way I could eat a sandwich for lunch every day and be slim........well 5 weeks later and I have had a wrap for lunch every day as well as carbs for tea and guess what........still the same weight! Ok so I don't eat toast for breakfast (most days) but I have had some VERY carb heavy days - and some where I just didn't fancy it, so I didn't

I do wonder if I'd eventually regulate after the initial crazy freedom. I think if I could stick to three meals a day Mac I'd be fine but my portions are problematic and I could eat half of what I currently do and feel satisfied.

I loathe that something like going out for lunch with my sisters causes me anxiety at the moment.
I hate that having a slice of my child's birthday cake makes me worry about being seen to be being 'naughty' it makes me angry with the world.
I love healthy food,t favourite food is rainbow chard bizarrely, I love veg, meat and un processed foods so I think I could do it but the unpinning and unlearning those unhealthy habits is so hard.
This is a great thread and I'm so thankful that the message is filtering through to people that the diet industry doesn't want you to succeed.

Just wanted to say that I'm so pleased to read your post at 9.53 this morning Sweetheart. Well done you , brilliant and so happy for you. This post is inspiring for all those starting on this giving up on dieting

Welcome to this lovely thread that Sweetheart kindly started Wookie. Brilliant advice Sweetheart and Bookworm .

Bookworm wow, what a great feeling when putting on the skinnies
When I started stopping dieting I just did a normal shop but put in the trolly everything I fancied eating for the next week. Yes at first it costs more but eventually as food becomes normalised and loses it's hold on you , you buy less.

Titsulina do just that. Eat any food until satisfied not full. Learning Satisfied takes time. It's being genuinely hungry and then after few mouthfuls check in with your hunger. Still hungry eat some more . Keep checking in as it takes about 15 mins for food to arrive.

Pretamum I agree. I have been doing this for about 20 years now and it does balance out eventually doesn't it. I love fruit vegetables and salads. Home made soups and stews and love my greens. I eat all this food because I enjoy it and feel good on it. Takes a while to get over dieting but it will happen.

Sorry for all my posts but there were lots of posts to read

Book....mahoosive appologies from me as I missed the bit about your jeans which of course is something to celebrate.......well done thatbis amazing....I deffo had a glass or 2 in your honour tonight!

Ha, the jeans are a bit snugger this morning after a night out with my OH last night! But I'm reminding myself that this is simply how our bodies fluctuate and why coming off the scales is the best thing I've done for my health. Because if I'd weighed myself this morning and seen the figure inevitably rise because of all the booze and salty snacks I consumed, I'd have felt even worse and mainlined crap all day, instead of just dealing with a temporary gain. So I am feeding my hangover with crisps and a bacon sandwich, but not going OTT. This is a massive step forward for me!

Welcome to the thread TitsalinaBumSquash. I think it's fear of getting enormous that makes women want to continue dieting, but being on a diet makes you bigger in the long run. Sweet's been doing this for a few weeks now and hasn't gained a 1lb and I'm pretty certain I haven't either (I don't weigh myself, I'm going by clothes), so getting fatter isn't necessarily inevitable.

How is everyone getting on? Bumping the thread so others see it.

Good evening....well went out last night have been feeling a bit delicate today and have been mainlining junk food all day.....not hunger driven. Tomorrow will be a better day!

I love this thread and the Isabel Foxen Duke blog. It’s quite a shift to there being no rules at all. It’s very different to eat when you’re hungry and other rules.