I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

I'm not a low cal dieter but I don't always feel great on what I eat.

I come from a background of plain food with very little non-potato veg and minimal fruit. Let's call it the salad dodging tea and toast diet! I revert back to it (A FEWplus processed foods) if I'm not conscious about what I'm eating .

My eating challenge to myself is getting to the five a day (preferably more!) Stage and including protein . This has the side effects of feeling fuller and less inclined to mindlessly eat the toast/ chocolate/ biscuits.

So while not restricting yourself i'd counsel you to plan to get veg and salad in the diet if it's something you miss out "naturally." It makes a tremendous difference to how I feel.

Oats - nope sorry......I've forced myself to eat salad for 20 bloody years - even when it's freezing outside and no one wants to eat a F*ing salad.......no more! Don't get me wrong - there are days where a lovely crisp salad will be very appealing and I will eat one......but I will eat it because I want to

Also intrigued to hear - those of you that skip meals - what about fitting in with your family - what if when you are hungry isn't convenient....? I have previously skipped breakfast or lunch (to save calories) and this is probably ok in terms of this type of eating but think skipping an evening family meal would be more difficult.

FYI - it's 10.20am and I'm hungry - even got full on belly growls going on - so it breakfast time

I stopped dieting in August after dare I say, 30 years or more of being on some kind of diet (or non diet too as you're still thinking about eating and hunger etc) I've done loads of diets and eating plans and I'm still overweight by about a stone or more. I've spent endless amounts of money on buying the right foods, paying membership fees etc etc
In August I'd been going to weight watchers - all was fine and I was losing weight, albeit slowly. I suddenly saw the light and thought b**ger it!!! I've been constipated for 4 weeks and I can't be doing a diet where I feel like this for the rest of my life. I'd ended up not knowing what to eat or when to eat or how to eat.
So I stopped dieting, thinking about diets and eating, talking about diets, going on forums about food, diets and eating ( I'm making an exception with your post because it's something I can add my story to and maybe get advice and support)
I eat what I want, it's a long process because I'm trying to unlearn all the habits I've built up over 30 years or so. I just want to be normal about food and eating, whatever that is.
This is me

iwonder when - thanks for sharing, I'm so glad to hear you were so brave How is it working out for you? Do you find you think about food less now? And dare I ask how your weight is? As much as I'd love this to work I have to admit if I start piling on the ibs I'll probably be lured back to a diet.

I'm under no illusion it's going to take a while to break all the many many many crappy habits I have built up and learned - I wonder if I'll EVER be able to kick my diet coke addiction - because you know, it's calorie free, helps my sweet cravings and fills me up..........

Ok I just wanted to give my perspective as a person whose baseline / non conscious eating habits make me feel awful after a week!

You are best placed to know what you want to do as your reset.

(I would never opt for a salad when out or make one when hungry. I have learned to have it washed and chopped, ready in a bowl to put out beside my dinner or else it won't cross my mind!!)

waves I lurked yesterday, started today. I still carry the same 1 stone I have been trying to lose for ..15 years? I've just eaten some porridge, pretty normal but it sometimes triggers my hunger so I think and think..if it does what if I need an early lunch..what will that lunch look like..what will I sweeten the porridge with? What if I need extra snacks...well I could snack on xxx...look it all up on MFP and round and round I go...probably avoiding breakfast in the end then binging at lunch.

I just eat the fucking porridge.

mywife - waves back welcome, park your bum and enjoy - hopefully you will be very happy here - I'm glad to have the company

My "ideal weight" (and I'm using that term very loosely) is about 16ibs below where I am now - can I just ask you do most people actually notice a difference much for the sake of 16 poxy f**king ibs that have been tormenting me for 20 bloody years!

I hope you enjoyed your porridge - I hope it was what you wanted to eat and I hope it sustains you well......but you know what.....if it doesn't then have something else - no biggie

@Sweetheart I'm doing fine - I think. I haven't lost weight and I haven't gained any either and considering how long I've been overweight despite the diets I can live with this. I do get a bit panicky when I feel like I might have over-ate and start trawling through the diets like I used to do, wondering if I can find the "holy grail" that's going to finally sort me out but then I remind myself that I'm not doing diets anymore and I'm focusing on staying healthy. I don't eating healthy food all the time though as it's just another eating obsession I aim for an 80:20 balance. Your habits change, in fact I don't know what I like or dislike or how to eat it, so it's a big learning curve, i love digestive biscuits and when I was in dieting mode I'd crave them and rebel and eat them, now I know I can eat them whenever I fancy one I don't eat them so much and I think to myself do I want a digestive biscuit or something more filling and healthier - it's a trade off.
I've also stopped buying too small clothes that I might fit into one day.... this is how I am now and maybe this is how I will be for my life so I wear clothes that fit me and look good, I hope.

Be kind to yourself.

The porridge was just what I happened to fancy, its cold, I put sugar on it and enjoyed, no overthinking.

I have been my ideal weight at times using severe calorie restriction, I've also been heavier than I am now. I don't remember being particularly ecstatic at ideal weight, probably just more anxious at regaining and then self-loathing when it happens.

I liked @ohnonotyetplease post (I may have welled up) the same people are still around me and cherish me and don't care one jot that my BMI is not ideal.

If you mean do other people notice the loss...who cares?

I have many bad habits though, food thoughts are trying to creep in all the time. I switch them off and force myself to think of xmas shopping or summat. I'll think about food only when I'm hungry (fingers crossed)

My ideal weight was feeling great on the odd night out and a pair of jeans I loved and felt bloody fantastic in..... but also days and weeks of very restricted eating, low calories and misery coupled with many many hours of killing myself in the gym.

I find myself asking myself was I happier? Did my family and friends love me more? Was I a nicer person? Was I more fulfilled?

In honesty - the answer to all of that is NO and on top of all that I probably thought I was a bit fat and could do with loosing a few ibs!!!!!!

I was the same @sweetheart, my ideal weight was as a result of being in a toxic relationship. When I looked in the mirror I was happy with what I saw (I too thought I could do with losing a few lbs), and I felt fantastic in a bikini on holiday, but I was bloody miserable and stressed the rest of the time. I’m now a few stone heavier but far far happier

Are you all sick of me wittering on yet?

So last night I did my first "non diet" online food shop for delivery this weekend......well that took a look longer than usual! I had to peruse every area of the online store I'd normally skip looking for all the lovely food I'm going to eat - I spent rather a long time in the "bakery" section - somewhere I don't normally venture

Surprised to say that it didn't cost more than usual - I thought I'd have piled my order high with goodies but taking out a lot of the over priced diet crap seems to have balanced it out.

So, things I have ordered I would not normally let myself have:-

yogurts - not low fat, or high protein just yummy flavoured non diet yogurts

bread - I have ordered some french baguette and some lovely seeded bread........why isn't there a drooling emoji on here!

pie - my dh will be SO happy - I'm going to let us all eat pastry!

coleslaw - the nice stuff, not the crappy "healthy" stuff

broccoli and Stilton soup - I am so excited about having this for lunch one day - no more boring soup

Viennese biscuits - my god I love these things, I will have to try and not eat the whole pack in 1 go!

Granola - the actual granola I want to eat - not the low fat or high protein version (the high protein one actually tastes really manky!)

I'm particularly excited about the lunches I have planned for next week:-
Beef salad baguette
aforementioned soup - with bread!
cheese and pickle roll
Philadelphia and ham roll

Hmmmmm...I may have lost sight of the fact that this whole process is supposed to help me STOP thinking about food so much!

I got on the scales this morning - still no weight gain!

Watching with interest - this is something I've been thinking about a lot recently since reading Ruby Tandoh's Eat Up. She lists lots of resources that I want to check out.

I think that thinking about food can be fine - looking forward to a nice meal is part of savouring it properly, which has to be part of eating well! :)

Sadly when I tried this in an attempt to end my binge/restrict/purge cycle, I put on a stone and a half in 6 months. Turns out my body is not at all good at eating intuitively. I also got rid of my scales, so have only just admited quite how much I put on. I hope it works better for you than me!

I know this is against what a lot of places recommend but I will admit I do get on the scales almost every day to monitor my weight and will continue to do so - for the meantime at least.

I went through a phase a few years ago when i didn't keep an eye on my weight and that is when I piled it on to my heaviest. I also think I was in denial.

Last weekend my scales read a couple of ib's heavier so Monday i scaled back my food choices a tiny bit - enough to repair the excesses of the weekend (but I didn't diet) and by Tuesday the scales were back to"normal". So this is how I intend to try and proceed along this journey. I appreciate some people may consider this a diet in itself...but i don't feel I can afford to trial this and come out a stone heavier in a few weeks.

I asked dh last night if he always weighs the same or does his weight fluctuate - interestingly he said he has no idea because he never checks his weight and isn't interested how much he weighs. He's been wearing all the same clothes so I guess he must mostly just stay the same.

I hope with practice and patience to get to the same place as dh who eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants, isn't fussed about his size and never seems to gain weight.

hippie, Bendydick, Mywife how are you all getting along? Be great to hear how it's going for you all x

I was trapped in a horrible restrict-binge cycle for years and years. I’ve gradually broken out of this over the past couple of years.

Listening to podcasts about intuitive eating and stopping dieting really helped me. I try to eat to nourish my body now. Sometimes I overeat but I just move on from this rather than descend into “Oh I’ve fucked up so may as well eat the whole world now”.

I haven’t weighed myself for about 2 years now but fit into size 10 clothes. If my jean belt is feeling a bit tight, I am a little more conscious about what I eat for a bit and it soon loosens off again.

Good luck all. I agree that setting a good example to my children around eating is a huge motivation

Hi Sweetheart, I clicked on your thread because I am thinking I ought to watch what I eat for the first time in my life. (Metabolism slowing, mid to late 40s).
Reading about your 20 years makes me realise how lucky I am, I have been able to eat intuitively most of my adult life.
I just need my intuition to catch up with my metabolism .
Anyway regarding not being hungry at family meals, and how do people handle it? This happens a lot now. After lunch at the in-laws (always a long drawn out feast) or in a restaurant (every few months with work) I am not hungry until next day breakfast. So I cook an evening meal for my family, don't but sit with them and chat (if they ask remind that as a middle-aged woman my metabolism is different from a teen, and I'm still full from lunch.) It very occasionally works the other way round: one of them will be too full to eat, having been to a social gathering where they stuffed themselves with cake or crisps all afternoon, so they don't have to eat or can just eat an apple or soft boiled egg or a little cheese salad (DS loves cheese salad) while the rest of us eat a proper meal. As you can imagine with teens it is pretty rare that they don't want anything!

There's no point forcing anyone to eat when not hungry including yourself.

(By the way, you have put me off any form of calorie counting!)

Oops, that should say I don't eat but I do sit with family.

@clearsommespace that's interesting about going hungry. I'm also beyond (well past) the menopause so my metabolism has slowed down somewhat. So any advice you can pass on would be great
I'm trying after years of overriding my hunger and fullness signals to get back to noticing when I'm hungry and when I'm full - an example for me is that I can go all day after breakfast not eating and not feeling hungry - then I'll have a glass of wine with oh in the pub maybe, and have dinner about 8 The next day I may be feeling a bit hungerover as I drank the wine with nothing in my stomach, so next time I have a snack about 5 before I have any wine then I get to my evening meal and I'm not hungry but I want my dinner and I see it as a big part of the winding down of the day and relaxing for the evening.

Basically I can't seem to get it right yet as I struggle to read the signals. One way I get round it is to eat something- a snack or a meal every 3/4 hours. I'm aiming to just eat normally and to be relaxed around food. It's a long slow journey

Iwonderwhen, I'm not sure I am in a place to advise (other than what I've said about fitting in with the rest of the family). It's only quite recently that I've had to pay attention to my eating. Ever since I've been an adult, other than pregnancies, I've been more or less the same clothes size and weight. (I suspect, with vanity sizing, I was less svelte in my late 30s than early 20s.)

I always eat breakfast and lunch but sometimes skip dinner if lunch was copious. 10 years ago, if I didn't eat some dinner after a copious lunch, I would have to eat later on, just before bed because I would be too hungry to sleep. Nowadays I don't need to. What I've eaten seems to carry me through to the next days' breakfast.
I am way more active in the morning than the rest of the day and my brain definitely performs better, so maybe that's why I am always hungry for lunch!

Maybe the solution is to eat some nuts or crisps with your wine so you aren't having alcohol on an empty stomach.