I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

[Sexnotgender]

Thank you BookwormMe2

[WhoAteMyNuts]

Says hello and waves to everyone. Been lurking and noticed this thread was active recently.

I stopped dieting end of last year. Joined a few threads on here but as I am not following a 'diet' I have to stop myself from getting caught up in that mindset again.

I read a few books on intuitive eating which explained why diets don't work which was my lightbulb moment.

I would still like to lose a bit more weight but that will either happen or it won't as I am trying to eat normally.

[user87382294757]

Hi, just found this thread also. I have been reading a book on Mindful eating and trying this. I'm finding am naturally not really hungry till around lunchtime most weekdays as quite busy so kind of fallen into a pattern of just having lunch and dinner...but at weekends sometimes fancy porridge or eating with the family. i wondered if anyone else had found that once they took the focus off dieting and food in general, had just kind of fallen into some kind of pattern. I feel it is a nice thing to do, and have even lost a few pounds...but not even checking that or having a goal etc. Oh, I'm also exercising most mornings too. But for fun, and to get fit, not really 'lose weight'

Good luck to everyone doing this, kind of thing.

[user87382294757]

I guess what i am meaning is moving on to a long term pattern or way of eating which works for them long term. I mean I think I can easily keep going like this through my 40s and 50s...

[pippitypoppitypoo]

Thanks for the welcome BookwormMe2. Great to see there are a few of us doing this! And heartening to see that some of you have fallen into a pattern that's working for you. I'm still struggling a bit some days. My issue is when I say to my brain 'you're allowed anything you want', it very much wants cake and biscuits! I've been going with it in the hope that eating them when I want will take the 'forbidden fruit' allure away. I guess my inner dieter is still interpreting this period as a diet holiday rather than giving them up forever. So I need to think more positively and convince myself that I really and truly won't be dieting anymore. In the back of my mind I'm thinking about potential gains with returning to work (so less time for exercise- which isn't a bad thing as I'm definitely an over exerciser), stopping breastfeeding and generally holidays and celebrations when there is that tendency to overeat. In a podcast I listen to it talks about how naturally slim people do still overindulge but then naturally correct by eating less at the next meal (because they still feel a bit full/uncomfortable rather than out of guilt/fear of weight gain)). I guess it's a marathon not a sprint and 20 years of restrict/overeat behaviour won't be cured overnight!

[pippitypoppitypoo]

On the plus side I've been craving peanut butter cup ice cream for ages and bought some this week. It didn't taste nearly as nice as when I was on slimming world! Probably because anything tastes nice when you're mainly eating fat free Greek yoghurt so I managed to not eat it all in one sitting!

[Milliy]

Welcome to those trying to not diet. 😁. Stock your kitchens with food you love. Eat when truly hungry, have food you want , stop when satisfied not full and enjoy.

[WhoAteMyNuts]

pippity lots of things I eat now just don't have the attraction they did when I was restricting myself.

Fancied a glass of red wine last night and a packet of crisps and after consuming it I can honestly say I prefer the low alcohol drinks and the crisps were meh as well. I am focusing on the 'do I really want to eat it' rather than 'should or shouldn't I eat it'. Lots of times I think actually I am not that hungry I should wait until dinner or I am just bored and reaching for food.

[Sexnotgender]

When eating slowly and savouring food a lot of the junk food loses its attraction. It’s really not very nice!

[BookwormMe2]

Hello user87382294757! Yes, I have found that I've unconsciously fallen into a natural pattern of eating. For example, breakfast is now a slice of toast and peanut butter around 9am, after the school run - I'm not hungry before that and I don't fancy anything more than one slice. I'm also craving healthier foods – I'll eat salad because I really fancy it, not because it's on the menu for day 3 of whatever diet plan I'd be doing! So go with the flow for now, because it sounds like your body has found its own plan.

I guess my inner dieter is still interpreting this period as a diet holiday rather than giving them up forever.

Ha, this was so me nine months ago, Pippity! Once I'd made the decision to quit, I ate like no tomorrow. I'm surprised our local supermarket didn't report a crisp shortage. I don't know how long it was, because I was not really paying attention (a welcome side effect of no longer being obsessed with dieting) but one day I just didn't crave crisps as much. Now I still eat them, but not every day, just when I fancy a packet. It's like my body and brain have relaxed because they finally get that the crisps aren't going to be cut off again!

[Milliy]

BookwormMe2 Sounds like you've arrived somewhere. I think most people trying to do this give up too soon rather than see it through and trust that food will become just food again eventually. When you stop dieting and embrace eating when hungry, you find yourself eating all the previously forbidden foods and wonder if you will ever stop. But you do because by allowing the forbidden foods you are normalising them. When I go to the supermarket now it's all just food. I tend to buy all the veg and meat, fruit , cheese and then add chocolate and some biscuits if I want them. I have a chocolate drawer that is pretty full but I end up throwing some that's out of date or half eaten. To me now it's all just food. Nothing special. It's good to be at this place but I know if I even think about dieting it can set me up to overeat.

[BookwormMe2]

Milliy You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. This process takes time and you have to be prepared to be in it for the long haul. The temptation to give up and reembark on another diet is HUGE - part of the reason I came back on the other day was because I was having summer holiday weight angst and I knew I needed to reread the thread before I buckled and downloaded my old calorie counting app! I'm not relishing being the overweight woman in our group going away, but damn it I'm going to enjoy the fact I won't be eating everything in sight because I won't be breaking a diet I was miserable and starving on for months beforehand!

[WhoAteMyNuts]

Really relate to the thinking of starting a diet.

I read about the big losses on here but have to remember why that failed for me in the past when I am so tempted.

[user87382294757]

On this subject, there is an article here about dieting and the adverse affects on bones, important for women of course.

www.webmd.com/osteoporosis/features/diet-weight-loss#2

[Milliy]

User thanks for link

[Milliy]

BookwormMe2 Ooo the lure of being beach ready . Scary to go against the grain and not do the whole diet thing. Sarongs are your friend here 😂

[Milliy]

WhoAteMyNuts exactly

[user87382294757]

Well we could just go all 'body positive' and get our bikinis out I guess! sarongs are nice though. Bit of sun and tan maybe do everyone the world of good.

[BookwormMe2]

Oh I intend to wear a bikini, user87382294757. All those articles on how to get a bikini body that I used to slavishly read and follow? Now I'm writing my own:

'Get a bikini body this summer... by buying a bikini and putting it on'

[WhoAteMyNuts]

Oh I am more than happy to get my wobbly bits out in a bikini at any size.

I find no one cares other than yourself. The only issue I have is finding good supportative bikini tops.

[Sexnotgender]

I actually bought shorts the other day! I don’t get my legs out - have a varicose vein from pregnancy and I hate it.

Thought sod it! I’m getting so much more comfortable in my own skin. Life’s too bloody short.

[Milliy]

Life is definitely too short to be obsessed with getting the perfect shape body and by whose standards is this anyway. I follow Mamastillgotit in insta and she was a model when younger who starved herself and developed an eating disorder which her sister helped her conquer. She is now a plus size model (only size 14 and tall) and has been in tv adverts etc. We can spend a lifetime trying to fit a mould and it's such a waste. When did we learn that who we are physically is not acceptable? Most women don't look like airbrushed models. Airbrushed models don't really look like that in real life. The dieting industry is rich making money out of insecure people. Yes, tone up if you want to, get fitter to feel better as you age, eat lots of fruit and veg and protein because your body works well on them and needs them but don't count calories or fats or carbs. If we really learn to listen to our true hunger, we won't go too far wrong.

[user87382294757]

I sometimes find it difficult because my husband and the rest of his family are thin, as in skinny thin. But, then his sister told me quite a few of them have a history of disordered eating. Even his dad, in his late 70s, mentioned he was ill recently and coped by trying to lose weight. It has opened my eyes to it and made me more aware, also of how that affects others. The youngest niece I think is showing signs also and is going on about diets, people being thin, and I notice they also quite often start the conversation with his you look, as in 'you look thin' 'you look well' (possibly meaning fatter). So, I am going to try and ignore all of this and brush it off. It's not easy though...because sometimes other people's comments eve if not about you, can be hurtful can't they.

[nellyitsme]

Hi everyone I've been lurking around this thread almost since it began. I've also looked at the Hunger Directed Eating thread but realised it's more rules to follow and I know I'll rebel against imposed rules.

My efforts have been hijacked by recent circumstance in my life. We've just come to the end of a year long building project - it was very long drawn out - think slow builder - which added to the stress. We hadn't got a working kitchen for about half the time and my eating has been erratic and unhealthy with too many ready meals and over-processed still. All this stress etc triggered off my acid reflux and digestive symptoms and I ended up thinking the worst and my GP sending me to have an endoscopy and was diagnosed with an oesophageal ulcer and an inflamed oesophagus and a hiatus hernia in. The diagnosis sent me off on a low carb healthy eating campaign to try and heal myself, with the help of medication. After doing this for a few months I went back for another endoscopy and I was healed, except for the hernia!!

Having stuck to a low carb healthy eating plan for ages (I'd not lost weight). I began to realise that I was putting myself into an eating prison again by restricting food groups and obsessing about whether I'm eating the right things and whether I'd set off my symptoms again.

I'm trying to pull myself out of the prison and sort out my years of dysfunctional eating and have been reading josie spinardi and the f**kit diet by carol dooner. I'm resistant to most of what I read, if it tells me "how to do it" as I need to find my own way. My aim is to eat what i want, when I want, to eat within the parameters of what’s right for me and what I like to eat, and to eat less.

Most of my symptoms are enormously improved and I don't take the omeprazole pills anymore as I didn't want to spend my life on pills if I can help it - just like I don't want to be on diets for life either. Oh and we've got a fantastic new extensions and kitchen!

I try to eat regularly like every 4/5 hours, so I don't set off my acid reflux etc - and not eat too much of any rubbish foods that might be triggers but I think I can give up the diets plan and stay healthy. Has anyone else had acid reflux and given up diets - how did you get on. I think it will be better for me

Thanks for reading this essay - if you've got this far

[Milliy]

nellyitsme have you looked into Slippery Elm as a natural alternative for your issue? I've used different types of ways of eating for some problems and they work as long as I don't start seeing it as a diet. Low carb works for me when I'm having ibs but I only use it as a short term thing when I have an attack. Sounds like your doing well with it.