I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

My experience, as a formerly chubby, food-obsessed size 14 turned too-busy-to-think size 10/12, is that dieting doesn't work for precisely the reasons you describe

I spent my youth on various diets to no avail, until now (last few years) when I've simply been so busy, I've barely had time to think about food. As a result I eat what I want, when I want, and the weight has fallen off.

I also exercise as it makes me happy - but I do have to force myself out for a run as my natural inclination is to lie in bed, reading.

But go for it OP. I firmly believe dieting works for no-one in the long run.

Also yes, I think you're setting a seriously bad example to your DC. You don't want them to go through what you have.

Let them see you enjoying food and exercising.

I'm struggling........I deffo put on a couple of ib's over the weekend and the temptation to stop eating is very very real!!!! Not feeling quite so chipper this week!

well after 3 days of skipping a meal I clawed back the couple of ibs I put on over the weekend so going to give this whole "not dieting" thing another go! I have skipped a lot of my usual exercise this week as life has just conspired against me....think perhaps that may be another key aspect to this whole scenario. How is everyone else that joined in doing? Could do with some serious motivation over here.

Hi Sweetheart, couple of months ago tried giving up all the baddies( cake, biccies, chocolate and crisps, also no ice cream or puds) not really changed meals . Gone down a size! Biggest shock though- not hungry at all . I think if Iimited myself to the odd bar of choccy or slice of cake I would CRAVE them all the time! Finding for the first time that I DONT think about food all the time. Worth a try

That's great Sweetheart that you've got back to where you where. You are going to have blips and not feel very motivated throughout this journey.

I've been panicking a bit over the weekend myself, and firstly, I thought ok, I'll do 16:8 fasting: that'll shift the weight and it might help me get used to being hungry - I got myself psyched up to start it on Monday and woke thinking hang on this is a diet that's about don'ts and No's and anything like that I know that I'll rebel after a few days. I didn't stop trawling the web for "diets"though, and came across intuitive eating then Paul McKennas stuff, also I found the Beyond Chocolate programme too, all based around Susie Orbach's books and intuitive eating.
By Wednesday I'd got over the panicky feeling about my weight and decided to just keep doing what I'm doing and not to deviate, although the intuitive eating stuff interests me as it's what I would like to aim for although I call it eating normally

So what I'm saying is keep at it and remember that it's taken a long time and lots of money and effort to get to where we are now - so it's going to take time to unpick all the bad habits and attitudes.

Have any of you watched the documentary Embrace. It is really powerful about the hold the diet industry has on women. Here is a link to the trailer.

I have resisted dieting most of the time through my adult life as my mum was always on a a diet but I am heavier than I would like. I have dieted on three occasions over the last twenty yrs and lost weight but it always goes back on and maybe I just need to accept where I am. I'm trying to up my exercise by finding things I really love doing so that I know I'm as healthy as I can be but not in a punitive way. As a natural non exerciser it's a challenge!

I loved Embrace, Allthebubbles - it really does have a powerful message and although it made me sad that I've spent so long hating the way I look, it also empowering me to change the way I think. I also loved Sandra Aamodt's talk - when a neuroscientist is saying how futile dieting is and how little control we have our set point, it makes you think!

Well it's a new week and more lessons learnt. I had a very indulgent weekend and like last Monday I am a few ibs heavier again this morning - we also have lots of things planned over the coming weekends leading up to Xmas so I suppose this is something I need to get used to - I'm just very cautious that if I'm not careful I will come out the other side of Xmas a lot heavier!

Dh and I went to the cinema yesterday afternoon and we both brough a tub of pick n mix. I noticed this morning that he still had half a tub left........mine is all gone. This is obviouly a learned habit from the years of dieting - dh wanted some sweets so he got some, ate some and was satisfied. I didn't really want sweets but got some anyway because I didn't want to "miss out" and then pigged the lot because I'm used to having a "treat day" I suppose and needed to get rid of them. I felt quite disappointing in myself when I realised dh (who's weight never altered and he eats what he wants when he wants) had only eaten half his sweets.

So I skipped breakfast this morning........and i suppose that in itself is now my sort of diet........be bad over the weekend = cutting back. I wonder if I'll get to a point where every day is the same instead of this constant up and down.

iwonder glad you are still trying to stick with it - I have also done 16:8 ....it's part of the reason I never seem to want to eat my breakfast until about 11am.

Hi Sweetheart
glad you're still doing it and trying to understand your eating habits. Like you with the tub of pick n mix, I do this with cake - I don't really want one, but I can so I will and just let anyone make a comment about it etc
If you're eating treats n sweets at weekends have you looked at the No S diet - no seconds, no snacks no sweets except on days beginning with an a - Saturday and Sunday or special days. There's a thread on here and they have website. I was looking at it yesterday and wondering but I think I wouldn't get on with the no snacking or seconds but.

heard it, done it, failed at it...... And as it's a diet - it's off limits for now.

I think in the long run knowing I can have sweets / cake whenever I want will make it less appealing. I tent to crave sweet stuff - especially when I'm telling myself I can't have it!

Yes. I think it suit the American way of eating more - they probably snack more and need to learn to eat 3 meals a day again.

I'm similar - if I tell myself I can't have something I'll want it even more. My dh was giving me half a biscuit with my coffee in the morning and I was then going and eating them whenever I went passed by the biscuit tin, I asked him why he gave only half and he said I thought you weren't eating biscuits cause of being on a diet. Once explained that I'm trying to eat whatever I fancy he gives me two biscuits now and I'm not eating one every time I pass them now.

Well we are actually having our holiday in USA next year......so if I do get fat over xmas I will probably just manage to loose it in time to put it all back on again on holiday .....story of my life eh!

It sounds like you’re doing well in terms of unpicking your old eating habits sweetheart.

It’s normal for the scales to show a increase after a weekend of eating more. But that doesn’t relate to actual weight gain/body fat. It’s more down to water retention.

The numbers are likely to come down over the week if you just eat “normally” has well. Skipping meals to try and make up for indulging is restriction and that almost inevitably leads to overeating/bingeing. It’s still keeping that diet (restriction) mentality.

All of this is the reason I don’t weight myself anymore. I go by my clothes.

“and well” not has well

I couldn't agree more Humble - it's not ideal but until I have learned a bit more on how to regulate myself I can't afford to take my eye off the ball and put on lots of weight - which usually seems really easy for me, I only have to look at a slice of cake to gain half a stone.

I think it's going to take a while to unpick all my bad / unhealthy diet habits so I'm taking this very much 1 step at a time.

Still 1ib off my "usual" weight this morning but I'm pretty hungry so going to allow some breakfast today.

Its a nice idea in theory but for me it doesn't work. I'm by no means a huge eater but I enjoy food, both savoury and sweet. I am short, 5ft 3ins and my ideal weight is 8st. I had, over a few years crept up 2 8st 12lbs, the weight was all around my middle and I had lots of lovely clothes I couldn't fit into. Eating what I want just isn't practical.

I signed up with MFP in March and reached 7st 13lbs in May and I have maintained 8st (+/- 2lbs) ever since.

I accept that I will feel hungry sometimes, it doesn't phase me, I just look forward to and enjoy my meals when I have them. I don't think about food s lot - if I feel hungry I just briefly think about when I'll eat next and leave it there. You really can't have it every way - I would rather look how I want and be able to wear all my clothes than eat every time I fancy something and be a stone heavier.

sweetheart, I totally get it . It’s a process. It took me a couple of years to truly commit to giving up diets/restrictions/“being good” etc.

One thing that massively helped me adjust my thinking about eating was the brain over binge podcast. I’d read the book a while ago but the podcast was much more useful for me.

l had this kind of epiphany a couple of years ago. God only knows how much l've spent on slimming clubs and diets over the years. l could likely have a very nice month in the Caribbean with it.
As @SuzeD29 said, eat what you want but only eat when you're genuinely hungry. l always found that when l was on a 'diet' l constantly thought about food. l'd be thinking about the next meal when l was still eating. lt takes a lot of pressure off, you actually enjoy your food, and you aren't filling the pockets of organisations that constantly reinforce the idea that women have something wrong with them.

I find this thread really interesting and NottonightJosepheen's comment about not being bothered by fluctuations on the scales really struck a chord, because that's what's really helped me get over dieting.

It's taken me about six years of knowing that dieting is terrible for my mental health as well as my body to actually quit. I would stop, then panic about gaining weight, weigh myself, cry because I had, then get back on a diet. It's been pretty exhausting! But now, finally, the new mindset has clicked. I don't care what the scales say (I've hidden them!), it's about how I feel in my clothes (which, I'm thrilled to say, are much looser these days!) and I'm well on my way to being a normal eater - ie, I've stopped judging food on whether it's "good" or "bad", or obsessing about the fact I over indulged the day before and now need to starve myself to compensate, etc - I just eat. And I now feel about a million times lighter! By that, I mean food is no longer the dominating factor of my life. It's pretty amazing to feel this way and I know I'll never go on another diet as long as I live.

OP, having read your threads, I wonder if you're struggling a bit because you still have the "I need to lose weight" mentality and are still checking every lb on and off. I'd give yourself a holiday off the scales for a week. You won't suddenly gain a stone and it sounds your mind could do with the breather. Good luck!

Oh, and the other thing I did which has helped massively, which I know is going to sound really barmy , is that I stopped wearing underwire bras! I realised they made me feel like I was fat all the time because the tightness of the design. Soft cups (there are loads of nice designs out there now, so we're not talking granny bras!) make me feel stones slimmer, even if I'm not, because I'm no longer aware of anything digging in and feeling restricted and uncomfortable. I don't know if that makes sense, but I thought it worth mentioning!

sweetheart from what you have posted it sounds as if you are still stuck in the should / shouldn't mind set where you allow yourself to eat certain foods because you either think you should / shouldn't or because you feel you need a treat.

I am a lucky person because I have only once dieted (5:2) it worked but I became obsessed with food and as soon as my will power waned I put all the weight back on. I had unconsciously started giving some food a higher status making it more desirable because I was telling myself through dieting that I was not worthy of these foods because I was fat and unlovely. Therefore when I wanted to make my self feel better they were my go to foods. And as you have probably guessed they were the foods I had been forbidding myself to eat...the fattening ones. By assigning treat status to certain foods we crave them because that is validation that we are a person who is worthwhile.

You ate the whole tub of sweets because you were treating your self because you are worthy and you deserved it. Your husband treated himself to the movie because he was treating himself and he deserved it. You happened to watch a movie while you treated yourself and he happened to eat sweets while treating himself.

You can crack this but to do so you need to stop overthinking it. Don't weigh yourself and find another measure for assessing your worth eg how many minutes of exercise, how many books, how many good deeds, how many jokes you told. Once you have a new worthometric then food ceases to be an issue.

I know it is hard... It was hard for me to get back after one diet that lasted a couple of weeks. The state you need to be in is that all food has a neutral status. It is not good or bad it just is. As your body adjusts it will start craving odd things as nutrients are required... Mine at the moment is raw cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower. Next week it might be Vegemite or chocolate. Good luck with it.

Sweetheart ditch the scales and just go by your clothes. The scales are not helping you at this time. I have been on this journey for years and find that the scales will cause you to be triggered and feel bad. Our weight fluctuates for many reasons and overeating a couple of days is usually not permanent. I was put on the diet wagon by a dieting mother from being a little girl. I wasnt overweight but she decided i was and controlled all my food. I was allowed to go hungry and was praised for being hungry as it meant i would lose weight. Food was always diet food and no potatoes or treats. Awful really and this continued throughout my childhood along with being called fat by parents. I now have disordered eating after a lifetime of dieting but not getting any slimmer. Its so sad and such a shame. Im in my 50s now and look back at the wasted years of feeling ugly fat and disgusting. Always trying to achieve the goal that is thinness. Sighhhh.