I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Thanks @Milliy I'll look out for slippery elm. I've been taking aloe vera and deglycerised - liquorice without some nasties. I get ibs too and find pulses and seeds etc help me.

Not dieting (I think) means eating what and when you want but eating what's right for you and your health I see it as an 80:20 split
It's a journey and I'm learning

This is my tentative thoughts on it. I'd like to hear what other more knowledgeable and experienced anti dieters think about it

Thank you for sharing about the hernia etc. My mum has a hiatus hernia and osteoarthritis through binge eating and dieting, over the years and hoping to manage such things and prevent too through generally eating OK...but it is just getting there isn't it. I guess demonising foods doesn't help, but if things help you as well that is good too isn't it. Maybe a balance is what we need to aim for.

I'm going to try observing how I feel after some foods and others, e.g. does it make he hungrier or crave more, does it give tummy pains and the like...so as to make choices in the future. I'm a one for craving more of the thing, even if it is strawberries, I ate a whole massive thing of them yesterday...I can't seem to stop at one or two, whatever it is!

nellyitsme I've been non dieting for many many years now. It can be hard sometimes to not lured into thinking a diet is the answer. I have found if you really listen to your body and eat when your truly hungry and stop when satisfied (not full) and eat what you want then you are doing ok. We eat for many reasons but relearning to eat like a person with no disordered eating issues (dieting) is a process . I maintain my weight, don't gain and sometimes lose. I exercise because it keeps my body supple and young.

User re the family members who have disordered eating habits. Sounds like his family have always behaved this way about food and dieting. Treating food as good and bad causes huge problems with how people feel about their choices. I eat mainly non processed food, all home prepared from scratch but do eat biscuits chocolate cake etc if I want them, which isn't often. It took a long time to get to this point though. Treating all foods as equal was important in overcoming dieting for me.

Yes, that is right, they are so extreme though they seem to treat all food as bad...eating in general...my DH is the same and just now eats only one meal a day...he was taking about losing weight as well and commenting on my dinner...I told him "I don't care!" He has not said anything since! I have noticed he binges a bit sometimes as well. Hard not to worry and get involved, but that is him and his issues, I just need to protect myself and the DC from it. But that is my issues, to deal with.

Knowing about it can help I guess (his sister confided in me about using food restriction for control and all the family have issues).

It makes you realise how extreme it can get though. It can be hard as soon as you try anything to be healthier / thinner, for it not to become an obsession in some people. So i'm trying to be aware of that.

Being able to eat anything is good, I crave some thing more than others so going to try and be aware of that also. I've read some good books on cravings etc. and how addictive some foods can be.

I eat mainly non processed food, all home prepared from scratch but do eat biscuits chocolate cake etc if I want them, which isn't often. It took a long time to get to this point though.

That sounds a good place to be! I have been feeling a bit more like this lately too, as I have taken any pressure off...I wonder of when really hungry people go for those snacks and being not hungry helps...also your taste buds can change can't they so things start tasting 'too sweet'...after a while.

@user87382294757 well done for trying to find your own way in the face of all the issues your DH and his family have about food. As you say it's important that your kids don't pick up these bad dysfunctional habits. It's so insidious we don't always see what's happening

My mum always seemed to be in diets and going to slimming clubs. I think at one point she was on speed type pills to speed up her metabolism. Another time I remember these kind of tasteless cardboard type rolls that she ate called Energen. I'm also a product of the clean plate club. Giving my age away here, I grew up thinking we'd all got to look like Twiggy and I lived on cuppa soups and apples in my teens and early 20s, and I'm embarrassed to say, I took laxatives to keep myself slim

Well, I think I tried laxatives once. A friend was taking then, we were very young as well (young teens) and she was going through some stress at home, well we doth were (parents divorcing). It was more of a 'shall we try this' rebellion type thing, and for me anyway didn't last long. I hope, my niece is not doing that, to herself. I hope moving on from that has been helpful for you, Nelly. My mum comfort eats and brought me up telling me sweet drinks or choc will cheer you up, I was taking 3 sugars in coffee at once point- stopping that now since met DH. See, sometimes it can help to have the other way of thinking. It's when the ways around you are so extreme it is unhelpful I guess.

User the downside of your husbands disordered eating is that he will pass it to your children unless he educated himself in disordered eating and children as we as parents are the biggest influence on them. Schools are also a problem given the way they now label good and bad food and police lunch boxes which I feel is absolutely nothing to do with them as they are not trained forward thinking nutritionists nor are they "the parents" whom of course the decision of what their children should eat should fall to.

I agree, I guess my way forward is to also give the children a more 'normal' approach and for now, that seems to be working. (in that they don;t seem to have any issues and eat a range of foods) I am pleased to see that their school did a whole school thing on body image and disordered eating last week and went into some detail. So that is good. It's hard but I don't think I can change him. (DH) he will need to do that himself.

I still have his parents gifting lots of choc / sweets / crisps every weekend...I was thinking of maybe giving this away but after reading think will just treat it as 'normal' food...nothing special. they are feeders also and will keep asking you to eat more at family meals which isn;t easy. It is strange to see, people in their late 70s STILL dieting, STILL going on with the 'being naughty' 'slimming' etc talk. Quite sad really, it has taken over the life so long.

Anyway, it is good to read this thread. very helpful. Best wishes to all dealing with this.

I think it's crucial that we try not to instil bad eating habits into children - thinking back to me own childhood we were poor both parents worked in factories although my dad wasn't good at staying in a job and we often had to survive on one wage and never had handouts as my mum was too proud to ask for help. We had school dinners and all the family ate together at night there weren't any choices - you ate what you were given or you didn't have any options. There was a culture with school dinners of finish your dinner or you don't get pudding and that meant the whole table!! I ate jam or sugar sandwiches and spent any money I had on sweets: penny chews and lucky bags. But I knew when I was hungry and I knew when to stop eating - somewhere along the way I've lost touch with my instincts.

It was interesting reading about the Leeds childhood obesity experiment and parenting styles regarding eating www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/01/leeds-becomes-first-uk-city-to-lower-its-childhood-obesity-rate
I've been eating some foods that I've previously restricted myself from eating biscuits cheese pasta etc I've not been eating in an out of control way, just saying to myself why not have a biscuit or a cake? I also been making a conscious effort to check in with myself when having a meal and stopping eating part way through if I feel satisfied or aren't enjoying the meal.

How're you all doing?

Sorry about the missing commas etc 😱

nellyitsme Sorry, not sure what you are trying to say in your last post re: not installing bad eating habits?

Sorry @Milliy I was responding to Users post about her DH and his eating habits and how our eating habits can influence our children's eating habits and how our eating habits are a product of our family and society etc I know mine are. I was probably was getting carried away with my own enthusiasm 😀

Thanks