I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Hi felicia I also consider intermittent fasting as an aspect of my non-dieting

For me, non-dieting means working on accepting and respecting my body as it is, and making healthy choices. Intermittent fasting is one of those choices for me.

Hi all,

So my BMI is 28.6 - even at my lightest adult weight it was only down to 23.5 which is still quite near the top end of "healthy"

I have wondered before if I have "heavy bones" as people have said to me before I don't look as heavy as I am........although they might just be being kind!

I am still finding it very hard to recognise hunger and stick to it. I am ok at doing it during the week but weekends I seem to loose all control. The other thing is we eat dinner at a time suitable to all the family in the evening and so the thought of hunger doesn't really apply to this - I always end up clearing my plate regardless.

Bookworm - sending you some virtual hugs - grief sucks xxx

Thank you @C1rrus
That's what I was trying to say but the negativity got me down so I stopped trying. Glad someone understands

I understand the concern that people want this discussion to be "diet-free", but I think "sticking to healthy choices" is not a "diet rule", and intermittent fasting is a valid healthy choice

C1rrus Felicia4 healthy eating is another way of putting the emphasis on good food bad food. Food is just food. When you have had a lifetime of disordered eating/eating disorders then these kind of labels are dangerous. Intermittent fasting is dieting by another means. You are restricting your eating using time constraints. Dress it up however you want but you are eating in a disordered way.

@Milliy
I understood when you said it the first time.

Felicia4 With all due respect, why keep talking about it on this non dieting thread then? Most of us are recovering from disordered eating or even eating disorders and have done healthy eating, over excising and fasting, low carbing etc. Been there got the t shirt etc. As a child I was not allowed to eat food unless my Mother gave it to me. She called me names (fat, disgusting, ugly, etc) and kept me very underweight and anorexic looking. I have had a lifetime of starving myself and punishing myself through controlling my food intake in all the ways possible until I did therapy and realised that it is all about control. I learnt to normalise food and eat like a person without any food issues. I eat really well ( loads of fruit and veg etc) and exercise in fun ways. It has taken alot of work and therapy to get to this place where I feel ok about myself and eat normally without overthinking it.
You and the other poster talking about your fasting etc is really counterproductive to those of us who have stepped off the bandwagon.

Sweetheart Sorry Im sure you have mentioned it before, but what dress size, height and weight are you (if you dont mind saying)?
Weekends can be harder as it is the old attitued of giving up the diet and starting again Monday. Have you normalised all food and become comfortable around it? When you buy all the foods you really want to eat and have them in the house, eventually you dont bother with them much. I had to go through that stage and now I can keep chocolate and cakes around and they dont bother me much. The only time I start desiring them is if I tell myself I need to diet and then I would be bingeing. So normalising food helped me to not bother about weekends as I always have food I want every day.

Felicia4 With all due respect, why keep talking about it on this non dieting thread then?

Fasting and recognising hunger have been part of this discussion since the first page.

C1rrus no one is fasting here. Recognising hunger, yes but you havent mentioned that before. Seriously. Why are you continuing?

Milliy
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time and wish you well in the future.
Will leave the thread as requested
Best wishes

Felicia4 Im sorry we locked horns over this. I really wish you well too.

C1rrus no one is fasting here. Recognising hunger, yes but you havent mentioned that before. Seriously. Why are you continuing?

Because I felt that there was room for both your and Feliicia’s approach on this discussion (as already explained in more detail above). To be honest I felt that you were haranguing her and it was getting too much.

C1rrus Fasting is a means of controlling food intake by going long periods without eating and 16:8 and 5:2 are now commercialised diets. The beauty of this thread is that it has evolved to a place where no forms of dieting are being championed and everyone is doing great. Please respect what we are trying to achieve here. I don't think Milliy was haranguing the PP, but rather she was trying to dissuade a discussion about dieting that isn't helpful to the rest of us. It has taken us all a lot of emotional effort to get to this stage.

I know what fasting is, I’m convinced by the evidence that it’s a healthy choice, and I’ve contributed to this thread since it started.

If talking about healthy approaches to our bodies and eating is banned then I too will now out. If talking about healthy food is “dangerous labelling” then that’s not helpful because I don’t want to read about people abandoning themselves to over-eating.

I’ve lost two dress sizes since I started trusting my appetite and working on the causes behind my weight gain. I feel great about my body for the first time in four years. The non-diet has worked for me, so I wish you all well with it too before I follow felicia’s graceful example!

C1rrus what name did you use in this thread as there is no posts from this name other than the last few?

If talking about healthy approaches to our bodies and eating is banned

It's disingenuous to say talking about healthy approaches to our bodies is banned from this thread. We just don't agree with the assertion that intermittent fasting isn't a form of dieting.

Well let's get back to the lighthearted stuff shall we I suppose I do what could be considered "fasting" sometimes - but I don't think of it as such........quite often on a weekday morning I will be so busy working that I totally forget to eat breakfast - it isn't until my tummy starts rumbling around mid day I realise I have skipped my breakfast......to me this is a positive because it means I am listening to my hunger and responding to it. Others I suppose may consider this to be a disordered way of eating.

I do have cake, chocolate etc in the house and it doesn't really bother me as such,.......I do still have this DEMON time after dinner though where I feel I need to eat something to satisfy me for the day. Somtimes in this period I do turn to the cake or chocolate - sometimes I stick to a yoghurt or piece of fruit.

Stats wise - I am about 5Ft 5 - currently weighing just over 12 stone (unfortunately). I hate mentioning clothes sizes because they vary so much between stores but I'd say I am around a 10 on my top half and 12-14 on my bottom half - I have a GIANT arse! Always have done, always will do - it's genetic and no amount of squats are going to shift it!

Yes, let's definitely get back to pleasantries!

I sometimes skip meals too, if I don't fancy eating or I'm busy and forget. I just think that's different to not eating during set times.

My "demon time" is after lunch. I'll have a sandwich, but then I can't stop grazing. I should go for a walk or something to distract me!

Sweetheart Bookworm It's totally natural when you are in tune with your body to not eat at times. Your body lets you know when it's definitely time to eat. I'm the same. I rarely eat breakfast as I'm just not hungry till lunchtime but I do eat before bed if I'm hungry. I can't sleep if I'm hungry. So it's not disordered eating to not eat if your not hungry but to me, it's dieting if you choose to follow fast diets. I have friends who fast due to their religion but do you know what they do. Fast all day then at shnser when it's time to break the fast, they binge and overeat. Every day of Ramadan. They plan and eat huge feasts as they are consumed by thoughts of food and what they can and will eat later. I have all the foods I love in my kitchen, cake, chocolate, lovely cheese, biscuits but I don't tend to over eat them. I don't because I can have them whenever I want. So by default I don't have them much. If I banned them and only had fruits a vegetable salad meats and fish in the house, I would crave the other foods. Simple.
I remember the post about your stats now Sweetheart cause I have a huge bum too. They talk about set weight that the body prefers. I wonder if that is yours given you exercise so much.

I'd like to think not Milly as I have previously managed to be a lighter weight and maintain it. I certainly think my body is capable of maintaining this weight but I do also believe that if I deliberately lost a stone for example that my body would adjust and stay there too.

I do agree that there are lower weights that my body couldn't sustain - for example I said a couple of days ago my lowest BMI was still classed as nearly "overweight". I was 10 stone 10 then, eating very low calories and killing myself in the gym trying to maintain it.

I think as you get older you naturally have a lower metabolic rate and it's harder to lose but easier to gain. My weight has stayed the same more or less for the last 15 years with this way of eating and I'm happy about that. I'm size 14 all over. I won't diet because I know I will binge but I have started doing more exercise to feel fitter and tone up. Consequently I know I will lose weight through this increase in exercise as that's how my body responds.

I'm nearly 5 foot 9

Sorry just clarifying. I'm an hourglass shape and prone to weight being stored on bust thighs and bum. Kim K and her fake booty - eat your heart out

I did read something the other day that said into their 30's and beyond women typically gain an average of 1ib per year......I wondered how true that is for an average woman.