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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

BigMoFos Week 13

404 replies

WigWamBam · 03/08/2006 13:32

New thread ...

OP posts:
suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:47

thought you might have "lost" this weeks performances

suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:47

going to have a good week this week though - can feel it in my water!

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:48

Lislou, WWB is right about the lack of self-esteem. I have very low self esteem, even though I come across as an extremely confident person. I give lots of presentations and have a responsible job, but I also have times when I can't go out socially because I worry that people I haven't seen for a while will be talking about me and how fat I am. I can't understand why other people would want to be friends with me, because I am fat.

I find it really hard to see things from their point of veiw. I find it hard to believe that they think I am kind, funny, caring and thoughtful (which is what my friends tell me constantly). As far as I'm concerned, because I'm totally obsessed about my weight, I presume they must be too.

I know it seems strange that someone can be confident and lack self esteem at the same time, but it really does happen!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:48

MrsJC - when you get here. I've found a spare guest pass to my swimming pool - if you can arrange for someone to have DD and we can agree a mutually convenient time, d'you want to come and play? Club is by Richmond park gates.

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:49

Yes WWB, I'm still here, but not weighing at the moment. I hope that's ok.

MrsJohnCusack · 03/08/2006 13:49

hey mofos

meant to say, I'm still up for the 18th in Oxford....

suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:49

hey little fish - forgot about the terror of meeting people I used to know! God that rings a bell! School reunion - NOT LIKELY!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:50

I haven't had a proper day out in ages - is it just you, me and JackieNo then?!

MrsJohnCusack · 03/08/2006 13:50

hell YES sue that would be great
DH here most of the time at the moment (making a mess, getting under my feet ) so she is not a problem

I've still not put on any weight. It's a MIRACLE!

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:52

I was really brave and met up with my 4 old best friends from school last year. However, dd was only 6 months old, so I still had a slight excuse.

Two were incredibly slim and glam , one was lovely, much as I remembered and one was overweight, haggard and foulmouthed ! (not me I hasten to add)

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:53

Mrs JC - you're doing brilliantly!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 13:54

thats great MsJC (about the weight) you're doing really well.

I'll cat you about a time, I need to check my diary which I left at home. I can't do next two Fridays but could do a Sat or Sunday in the next few weeks.

MrsJohnCusack · 03/08/2006 13:54

actually I went to my youth orch reunion on Saturday

plenty of people have aged worse than me and got fatter
I am obv a total bitch but was v.charmed that 2 extremely bitchy/popular girls who the boys loved had put on quite a lot of weight
yes I am a bitch but it did make me feel better about being even porkier now than I was then

MrsJohnCusack · 03/08/2006 13:55

thanks sue

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:56

Lislou - SueJonez put the following message on the old thread, but I thought I'd put it here as well in case you missed it.

11lbs in 4 weeks is excellent but he needs to be realistic about what will happen to his weight loss, going forward its more likely to be 1-2 lb a week on average and he will probably have weeks when he doesn't lose (not sure what happens on Xenecal).

Don't think because he's outwardly confident that he isn't very ashamed of his weight and it inevitably affects how you feel about yourself. It's SOOO visible, can you imagine developing a big boil on the side of your face and learning to live with it? Constantly being convinced that people are talking about it. It can take a lot of confidence just to get up and go out in public in the morning and there isn't always a lot left over to sustain you through a diet as well.

I think self confidence is slightly the wrong way of thinking about it- self-esteem is far more apt. It's not about whether he thinks he is competant to do things (presentations etc), but whether he has value as a person. We live in a society that values beauty and thinness above anything else at the moment. The fact that he's a great Dad, intelligent, nice person etc is really a rather poor second best in many people eyes.

I would say that most people who know me would consider me to be outgoing, friendly and intelligent but they have no idea excruciatingly nightmarish it is to be told to get up and dance at a social function in front of people I don't know, how I live in terror of losing my luggage if I'm on holiday because I just can't go into any shop and replace enough to keep me going for a couple of days because I'm too big, how I worry about whether people avoid sitting next to me because I'm fat - you can't have these kinds of thoughts without it affecting how you feel about yourself.

Someone once asked me if the dress I had on was Moschino - nearly pmsl at the thought that Moschino would be seen dead making a size 26!

SOrry going off the point there a bit - the upshot as WWB has already said - if your DP has decided he wants to be healthy and lose weight, if he is determined to keep going through possible set-backs, then yes - he can lose it for life. He will probably always have issues with food but can learn to live with it in much the same way as an alcoholic can, but he nees to know that his weight is only one part of who he really is not the whole of it.

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 13:58

Oh god SJ - the thought of losing my luggage!! EEEEEEK

Also, getting cold at someone else's house, or having to stay over unexpectedly and needing to borrow clothes. All brings me out in a cold sweat.

I know - let's have a big sleepover at someone's house. We can all turn up without luggage!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 14:04

Wouldn't that be fab Littlefish. I sometimes get cross with myself for wanting to feel a bit less "outside" of the mainstream - I think its good for me to not like being fat and that it'll be an incentive for me to get thin. But of course we know that doesn't work, else we'd all be thin!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 14:15

Think I got away un-noticed with my confession MRSJC

hurrah for threads which move fast and complicated posting no-one can understand!

MrsJohnCusack · 03/08/2006 14:16

lol
I think I understand it now though - you fox you!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 14:42
Blush
Littlefish · 03/08/2006 14:53

Sorry SJ - I read it and understood it too.

suejonez · 03/08/2006 14:58

bugger - you didn't have to tell me that. Could have left me in ignorant bliss.

Littlefish · 03/08/2006 15:01

Don't worry SJ - I'll pretend I didn't understand it.

There.

Does that make you feel better?

Actually, I was quite proud of myself for understanding it. Please don't take away my moment of glory.

lislou · 03/08/2006 15:47

hey little fish.thanks fot new thread. i havent helped my husbands confidence much.i have been unfaithful recently.it was as far as i was concerned the end of my marriage but he wont give up on it.he loves me and i want to fancy him so i dont do it again.no excuses i was bad but people dont just wake up and cheat its a gradual thing and the weight hasnt helped.its hard to see past the weight when u dont see that there is anything nice inside the person either.its getting better now.i think we will be ok. ihope so. i want to fancy him so much i really do.we have three kids and i dont want to end it all cos if them.so we are both as dtermined as eachother to do this.him the weight and me to find what it was i used to see in him.i may be slim and fit but that has its drawbacks too.naimly young fit slim men who want to do u then leave u!!!!!!!!

suejonez · 03/08/2006 16:12

Thast a brave thing to say to a group of women who are overweight - that you had an affair becasue your husband is overweight! Though yes, I do understand that there was probably more to it than that. But do you think if you were in an accident and had a leg amputated that would be a good reason for him to have an affair now that you no longer look the same as you did?

You need to remember that we are all in the same position as him and have the same sensitivities as him and will naturally tend to gravitate to his point of view, so you probably won't necessarily get the most sympathetic of hearing on this particular thread. (and I'm allowed to say that as a dispassionate third party because I'm single! )

Your desire to save your marriage and to help your husband lose weight are to be commended but try to remember that when you post to us, you are effectively talking to him (or someone very like him).

I don't want to be harsh to you as you sound like you're trying very hard but I also want you to understand how your post will may start to give some on this group doubts about whether their partner might feel the same way you do.

I must admit I feel protective of my fellow weightlosers on this thread and I may be over-reacting.