Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

MORNING ALL.

IT'S WEIGH IN TUESDAY, oh yes. Have a nice big poo, shave yer legs and remove every last inch of clothing

I have lost 1lb (since Saturday's Day of Doom), so that's a good start.

Post your weights, you fellows; and when we're all done I'll do us a nice list .

If no-one objects I will rank us all by weight lost that week, because I dunno about you lot but a spot of competition brings out the best in me.

Luck to all and I'll be here with 31 years of fatso and notso fatso experience to commiserate, encourage, applaud and soothe as need be

boo How Awesome! Bear's going to be riding this summer like it or not - pic on my profile page of him on my horse at 8 weeks (?), but I fear my horse is too big for him! Need something more Thelwell-esque! Also need to get him in to Pony Club - I used to belong to one quite near you actually - I say quite near, near as the clow flies - 1000 years on the roads.

OK, official weigh in today but have lost 1.4kg since thursday - am I allowed to use that? Making me 20kg 18.6kg 1.4kg .

Fuck me bloofer - you're like the blonde version of Nigella - I suppose you've asked innocent passers-by to lick it off?

I ^adore* that pic of Bear + horse. I wish so much that I were either less poor or horsebiz was less spensive .

ANYWAY - hoopla to you, young pony - yes indeed, you can use it, and I reckon that's putting you at the top of the list for now at least I'LL GET YOU NEXT WEEK, BEEHOTCH. Oooo, see? The competitive tactic is working already

(and alas no, I merely drunkenly tried to fish it out with a trembling hand and ended up getting my nice dress all manky)

italicFAIL. It's early!

Oh bum, just did big poo . Tempted to weigh myself again but if I don't it'll give me a better chance at winning next week. Oh yes, no tactic is beneath me.

Incidentally, can I just warn you all that poo will feature largely in my posts if you hang around long enough - I am positively a martyr to my bowels.

Right. Am now officially horrified. Just stepped on bathroom scales to be greeted by 14 stone 11.4 pounds. And I am 39.8% lard as well, to add insult to injury. Dreading my first SW class later this morning as surely with clothes and shoes on I will break the 15 stone barrier.

Bloofer can you use my official SW starter weight in your lovely list? I'll post it when I get it in the Meeting of Doom this morning.

Perhaps spending yesterday afternoon making strawberry flapjacks and jammy finger biscuits (and last night eating them) wasn't such a great idea. I did feel I deserved them after spending far too long making an Easter bonnet, with pom pom chicks and a nest of brown wool all of which took far longer than it should have done. Next year I will just buy a fecking bonnet and have done with it!

Congrats to AlpinePony on a 3 lb loss (I think?). That'll be me next week, you'll see! I do love a good competition!

Are you going to have a fabulous excel spreadsheet in addition to the list of doom bloofer?

I think having a poo and re-weighing counts. Fo sho.

The only way I think I avoid an easter chocolate overload is to simply not go to the shops over the next fortnight or so.

only I believe "normal to good" woman fat percentage is around 24%, so you're not doing that badly! When I got done at the gym he said I was 27%, I nearly fainted with delight until he said "well, obviously there's been a mistake and I meant 37%". And that was some time ago.

4lb off this week. total weight lost in 4 weeks = 13lb. Target 6st (total loss, not target weight)

Will weigh self on boots scales, but as I only started yesterday, and wasn't sure what I weighed, this will be my first weigh in!

only, I know that feeling only too well . See previous references to my insane behaviour at my heaviest. But you've done it now, and that's that! I will wait until you've had your SW weigh in before I list us all up to the max. I think you're the only one brave enough to post your weight, which makes me think I should do it too....tell you what, if ONE more person on the thread posts their weight I'll join in!

However for list porpoises I'll just to losses and target losses

Yes well... when G-d smites us once more and floods us, we'll be the ones floating. Think on Herr Gym-Meister!

My thighs are really quite beautiful underwater. They ripple like giant suetty jellyfish...

bloofer on 8th April I listed my weight as 16st 5, now 16st 1.

Your turn!!!!

Would it be more fair to list % weight loss rather than lb? Being such a fat arse I am likely to have higher weekly losses, so have an unfair advantage. (doubts she will have the ability as she clearly struggles with simple reading emoticon)

Oh you bastid Stinky

Orl right then. Was 15 10.5, now 15 9.5. Oooo that felt slightly therapeutic actually!

I will take you up on your % weight lost challenge! We will do it as % of target lost rather than overall weight (cos not everyone is sharing overall weight which is fine obvs)

So for instance mine will read viz:

T: -20lb, Lost: 1lb, Total lost: 1lb, % lost: 5%

does that make sense? I shall do it for us all once we've heard from boo and once Colditz has got back from SW.

Hey dunno about everyone else but i feel weirdly optimistic now, like I have stared the challenge in the face and blown a big fat raspberry.

Totally irrelevant to fat ishoos but please can I direct you to the funniest MN thread OF ALL TIME

No no no! Has to be % of overall weight, otherwise I will revise my target to 5lb and win! Prob best to stick to lb if folk are not sharing weight (will still win!)

!!!
You have the devious and penetrating mind of a supervillain. Let's keep to just lb or kg lost in that case and then a) you will have to maintain your storming rate of loss and b) that will motivate the rest of us [wunk]

Right, back from probably the longest meeting of my life. Can't believe people sit through a 90 minute meeting every week......the leader person was OK, but I've really got other things to do with my life than to do than clap for every single person who stayed at the meeting.

It went like this "Oh, where's Karen? Is Karen here? Oh no, she's gone. Well, where's Irene? Irene has lost 9 lbs to date, with a loss of 1 lb this week, well done to Irene. So tell us Irene, do you want to set a mini target for this week then?" And on, and on and on. Not really terribly interesting if you don't know any of the 45 pensioners in question.

Anyway, official weigh in showed 14st 13lb. Will be less next week < eyes up competition>

There was inspirational moment though - slimmer of the week Jo had lost 3 st 9lb in 14 weeks. She didn't eat any Syns though, just did the EE plan. Most impressive

Well done to Stinky for losing 4 lbs. That's loads, am most impressed.

Off to read the funniest MN thread now.

Hellooooo, may I join too please? Am on a bit of a mad dash day at the moment, can I mark my place and fill in all the blanks later when the kids are in bed? This thread is making me and it would be nice to record my weight somewhere as I'm not attending a sw class at the moment..............normally when I try to diet by myself I just re-write the same weight over and over, week after week.......need a kick up the bum some motivation!

Oh Lord, that is why I don't go to the meetings. I did find a brilliant one in the City where it was all harried bankers just desperate to drop in and be weighed, but it closed I think .

ANYWAY. Hurrah for your starting point. Let's aim to have you beating that Jo woman come August. What is your interim target loss pliz? Are you doing the SW 10% loss challenge wotsit? In which case you'd be aiming to lose 19.5lb?

TwoNoisy welcome, my fellow adipose friend! You can most certainly join in. I will do The Official List this evening as one or two others haven't weighed in yet. You needn't tell us your weight if you don't want to - we're listing target loss (20lb for me, 20kg for others, some are being supercool and listing whole weight loss target), weight lost that week, and total weight lost. And some people, naming no names are HIGHLY COMPETITIVE. I of course possess not one competitive bone in my body. Indeed I am not at all sure I possess any bones at all. Certainly you can't see any

twonoisyboys hello! If you're not attending a SW class would it help if one of us was designated "leader" every week and shouted DUST DUST DUST and was mean to you?

bloofer I too feel quite motivated by all of this.

I'm not posting my fucking weight. Although I did work it out in stones & lbs and I'm not as far off my goal as I thought I was.

Is 'fucking weight' the same thing as 'fighting weight'

Bloofer my interim target is 17lb I think - down to 13 st 10 in 6 weeks.

TwoNoisy welcome to the thread. Looking forward to "meeting" you properly later today.

Righto only, consider it done. 13.10 is the slimmest I have ever been, coincidentally, so that's kind of my final weight. I know that seems very heavy but at 13.10 I wore a size 14 bright red jersey frock to a party and a woman walked up to me and was bitchy about my appearance, so from that I deduce I looked smokin'

(for reference, what she said was, "I walked in and looked at you and thought oh right, so SHE's the hot one here tonight. Then I looked again and saw you do actually have quite a big bottom." )