Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

PS in the interests of transparency I am amending my food list for the day, because I am fucking RAVENOUS. The trouble with getting up so early is that if you eat a mullerlight breakfast at 7am by 10am you could eat your own snot. also my period is about to arrive and that always makes me starving. So:

Break - fruit salad, mullerlight
Elevenses (Tenses?!) Cheese toastie (HEA and HEB)
Lunch - tinned sardines, boiled egg, salad, 2 slices weeny bread (HEB)
Dinner - Chicken stew and courgettes.

Praise god for SW and its 'Appetite of a lioness in winter? Knock yourself out pal' policy

Disclaimer: I have no idea what the appetite of a lioness is, in winter or any other season. I just like the idea

Pix Glad the ploughmans sort of worked but guacamole is a temptation I'd find too much as well. I think skin will go back a long way but I'm also sure it is genetic- some people have really springy skin and some don't.

Alps I did laugh at the "more European"- the baseline in what they wear here is quite strange. My favourite shop to sum that all up is DIDI (layers, lace, ruffles, 300 mismatched colours on every eccentrically styled t-shirt...). The windows are always full with stuff that reminds me of 1980s madonna videos. I quite like Promiss though, especially for work stuff.

CheeseandBiscuits I had a small "one of those"- I found the Pampers sensitive wipes I was using on my DD were a bit more comfortable that loo roll for a bit.

Bloof Daniel Craig! Hope you chuck out those 2000 words easily today. Do you have to work the weekend? That's rough if it's unavoidable. I know you did a very short SW intro a few pages back but I don't understand teh HEA/HEB stuff- you can do them on the same day?

Hello C4 ... fanks, I will be applying my nose to the grindstone as soon as I have finished this toastie .

yes, I will have to work the weekend and every weekend between now and 23 June but, pah, no guts no glory, I guess.

Ah, HEA/B stuff - yes indeed. You can have 2 Healthy Extra Bs and 2 Healthy Extra As every day if you do a Red day or a Green day.

If you do Extra Easy (which I avoid, because I don't trust it, but I know others here swear by it) you can only have 1 HEA and 1 HEB.

I am convinced I have a spare SW book lurking around here somewhere - if I find it, would you like it? happy to pop it in t'post.

BlooferLady I would like it if you do turn it up. I can PM you a UK address of my parents to save postage?

Morning all.

Pixie - I know how you feel. My belly post labour is just flab. It just hangs there looking sad.Since my early 20's, I have always been a size 16/18 whihc is big for my ickle 5ft frame. But it was smooth and curvy now its just flab. Due to horrific stretch marks (despite bathing in bloody bio oil 3 times a day) I now look like a zebra. Its fricking grim. BUT i reckon a combo of gym and diet will at least mean I feel better about myself. Poor HB is clearly wishing he could get some action now that I've recovered from labour but I feel so unattractive i cant imagine wanting to have sex ever again. plus the thought of something going back 'up there' makes me want to heave! Haha! Poor HB.

Today I will eat:
b: branflakes and natural ff yog (HEB)
L: stirfry beg and rice
D: turkey mince chilli, rice and salad
Plus grapes, apple, ML yog and 2x alpen light bars (my extra HEB for BF) plus copius tea and coffee (milk HEA)

Thanks for all the support re:my ass too. bloofer and c4 sprry to hear you have suffered similar ailments. I can see me getting addicted to lactulose! Loving the baby wipe idea - thank you. Its a pain in the ass. Literally
Will be back later, baby screaming,
Love me (hovering on left bum cheek at present)

You are tres lovely C4 but no worries, postage to NL will not be a fortune, and I'm guessing you'd like it sooner rather than later...I just need to get my hands on the damned thing first. I will PM you when i have found it!

Thanks bloofer. Very kind and muchly appreciated.
Off for a long walk in the park and pop into the lovely coffee shop that does LOVELY carrot cake

Whew! The 90,000 biscuits/sticks of celery/knitted socks are iced/crunched/embroidered and sent off. I celebrated by leaving the house and lying in the park listening to the soundtrack of Kenny Brannagh's Much Ado About Nothing .

I had a tot of whisky at 10 to 3 to see me through. That's all right isn't it? I mean I counted the syns and everyfink.

I shall now clear my desk for the thesis. I am actually looking forward to it 'cos it will be like literally a grillion bazillion magillion times easier than the biscuits/celery/socks.

How was your massive bit of cake with all cream cheese icing and everything nice stout walk, Cheese?

Isn't that strange about the stretchmarks? I didn't get one single one during my pregnancy and just figured it was because I wasn't a rake to start with and so the skin already had a little room.

I went to the gym this morning and really picked up the pace - increased my weights in all areas thanks to my new weight-lifting gloves

Alpine - I didnt have a single bloody one till the final 2 weeks of my preg then they popped up everywhere. Bastard things. So much for bio oil

Am planning os using all my syns tonight on a bloody large G+T, feel like I deserve it what with me sore bum and all! Stuck to todays food plan so far.

Bloofer - bloody lovely walk in the park. walked about 2.5 miles. did not have the cake, had a braeburn instead! Get me...!MOSTLY because my skinny mate did not have cake though! Congrats on the biscuits/celery/socks. whisky at 3 - I'm jealous!

My daughters farts smell like actual gas. just went to check I hadnt left the gas on but nope, it was her. delightful!

I have a pile that bleeds and is very sore(so bum sex is off the menu now) courtesy of DD2. DD1 left me an episiotomy scar that bleeds if we do doggy, and that is nigh on 5 years ago. Stretchmarks nowt with 1st pg, zebra in last week of 2nd pg. Never used bio oil.

I am still bfing, but as it is only am and pm I doubt if I would qualify for extra HE. I am thinking of doing red and green to boost my weight loss - only 1lb off today . Seriously though, the last time I lost weight this quick was when first pg....

Evening all :)

I attempted my first 5k running route today.... shocking .... one of my first middle of the day runs - which I am clearly going to have to work on as I melted and nearly died .... was going really well initially, but there are 3 mini hills on the route - literally one after the other, getting bigger each time..... I made it up them then died very quickly! I had a short walk to recover then another hill appeared - which was an actual bastard! basically I have done too much too soon and had to walk about half of it as my thigh and calf on one side were screaming! ho hum... limped half the walking and its going to hurt tomorrow I can tell, but will try again sunday and be sensible!

You all sound like you have had a good chatter

that pic isn't good is it - I can understand not wanting to wear more than you need in this heat - but still.... my tum probably looks like that, after 2 c-sections

also walked another 2 miles today doing the preschool run so probably about 3.5 miles walking and 1.5 jogging today - not bad all in all :) probably put on a stone by weds if last week is anything to go by mind!

::wobbles in:: I have drunk wine which lead to 2 slices of DHs leftover chocolate birthday cake , I'm going to have to stop drinking me thinks

Morning All! AND HOW ARE WE THIS BRIGHT SUNNY MAY MORNING????

Well done on the walking Cheese and on the running Cheep - I will will will go to the gym today. It might have done fuckall to burn the chubness but it was doing well on the old bingo wingage, so....

Stinky giving up bumsex and doggysex? What else is there?

Hedgepig - ah. Yes. That would be very much the pattern of behaviour that does for my own slimming efforts . The OM banned me from boozing for a few days because last time I woke up the next morning feeling oddly achy, and when I stood up I was covered - and I mean COVERED - in enormous black bruises. I'd got wankered and obviously been crashing into things without noticing or feeling the pain. Have a feeling I have already told this anecdote

Off for some coffee and to plan a few days' food before a trip to Sainsbo's. Oh yes people, it's all rock 'n' roll at the Bloofer household.

Morning all! Rained here overnight which saves me watering the garden again and will also make the neighbouring farmers happy too. All good news really.

I managed to eat well yesterday for the first time in ages - I am normally fairly controlled until 5pm, whereupon I eat the contents of the kitchen. Yesterday I saved my Alpen light bars for this eventuality and was rewarded by a smug glow at 9pm rather than a full tummy.

Planning on a bike ride today - DD (4) has just learnt to ride a proper bike and loves it, so we will go out today for a family ride - due to aforementioned rural area and caffeine crazed farmers taking up the entire lane with their 2 foot wide combine harvester this isn't as simple as it should be, so we will head up the dale to a disused railway track.

From skimming the last few posts (will catch up later when laptop battery full) it seems that Cheepcheepchoconora doesn't plan to be bottom of next week's List of Doom, and I am also very pleased to note that I wasn't the only person shallow enough to be pleased to have to have a c section as it meant I avoided tearing any bits that weren't designed to be torn.

Morning Bloof I love weekends! Pissing down here though.

About that picture - she will be doing a weight loss video next January no doubt - a publicity stunt.

When I lost 7 stone, even with working out my skin never shrank back. I remember a fat friend asking me, and I undid my trews and rolled my tummy skin into a little sausage from hip to hip. My muscles were washboard underneath, and I was able to wear the gym kit in the pic and look good. I could also do the same with my tits! Nice! I wore chicken fillets.

Are you calling me shallow Only!!!!
It does put one in the tricky position of trying to decide what to do if DC2 or 3 ever comes along. Having been sliced open once, do you use the same escape route next time to minimize damage, or do you go for a VBAC and risk a torn fanjo AND a lovely big c-section scar? One or t'other seems miserable, but BOTH is just offensive.

Bloof - its ok, I can assure you you can still get pregnant from doggy style sex

Well, I had another crap day yesterday food wise (six slices of bread anyone?), although not so bad that I cant claw back my syns if I eat well today. However its raining very hard, and today is a horrible anniversary for me so I shall probably just eat the contents of the biscuit tin instead. Hey-ho.

Hi Only I am fine too until 5pm. Well done DD on riding a bike - did she use a balance bike? I loved my ELCS - give me a sore tummy over a sore fanny any day.

Pixie sorry about the horrible anniversary - I hope you have lots of support in RL Perhaps a flexible syns day is called for, thus relieving pressure and guilt.

I'm going for a second csection, I have no desire to vbac and lose the chance to bumsex! ;)

Bought a bike seat and helmet for the little one yest so want to test drive. Don't have enough energy to shop, cycle ride and bbq. Am having hoss attitude problems, so to prove a point with her am likely to end up leading her for 90 minutes - in 30 degree heat!

Need to buy him indoors clothes but he's such a nightmare as he always says he doesn't need anything. I Hung up a pair of his pants on the line this morning which were more holes than pants. Meanwhile I've been hitting the sales for me and the boy. Help would freeze over before he let our son out in rags. :( and we need garden furniture. Pls to win lottery?

Scales were nice this morning and my gym kit is d. efinitely looser, but I'm still not a size 6

Stinky I thought exactly the same thing about the workout video!
So what happened with your skin in the end? Did it never get any better? How much have you put back on of the seven stone lost, and how has your skin reacted to it? I'm fascinated and appalled at the thought of "extra" skin - I think I would probably stay the size I am now if I thought my skin wouldn't shrink with me, but then I won't know whether it will or not until I have actually done it

Agree with all about csec and these thoughts were clearly transmitted to my cervix which retains the tightness of a 12 year old virgin! :) consultant said as soon as done with babies they will tuck and pretty up scar!

Crikey Stinky - that's my optimism shot then. Do you mind my asking how much of the 7stone you gained, and whether you felt better filling out some of the skin again??? It's so hard isn't it. I look at my tummy and wonder what it would look like if I lost 4 stone, say, and whether I would rather lose 2 stone. I am rambling now.

Thanks for the reassurance Pix

Enjoy your wholesome biking Only - I am well jel. I bloody loves London tahn and all that in her is, but by God what I wouldn't give for some countryside sometimes.

BTW when did "nice" garden furniture start being 1500 euros?

epic X post with Pix!

Morning dear Pony. Hurrah for loosening gym kit. And sorry but I do chuckle inwardly at the image of you and an ill-tempered equine out-staring each other across the paddock