January 2025 starters - it's our anniversary!

[HeidiLite]

new thread, losers!

@Polkadotdash sometimes you wonder about professional photographers - I still remember when work also provided a make up artist for us. She took more than an hour to dab and brush things onto my face and I looked horrendeous both in real life and on those professional photos. Would have done better myself in 10 min and selfie mode.
Sorry you're feeling down, yes sometimes the biggest bullshitters get undeservedly far in life..

It seems like there are a few of us in our little group here who are feeling pissed off with work at the moment. I really struggle with confidence. I think a lot of it has been eroded by my weight gain and feeling self conscious about it. Losing 2 stone has helped but I still feel like the overweight, middle aged woman who never quite made it. We had the usual ‘motivational speaker’ session today doing the whole ‘fake it til you make it’ spiel. She was a super confident extrovert personality. And her advice was to network, network, network and go for the big promotions, even if you think you won’t get it because the experience will help you. She might as well have said ‘take up skydiving’ since that’s the same kind of terror it induces in me.

She doesn't sound great @Polkadotdash - I'm doing a counselling skills course at the moment and it's helping me realise how different people are, and that telling people how to do things simply doesn't work.

To the confidence piece, as I look around and work out what else I want to do, I'm realising that my confidence in the last year has got worse, not better. I realise that by stepping out of this role I'm giving up a privileged position when it comes to salary as, unless I continue in the same field, our lives are going to irrevocably change. I've been excited, but this morning I've woken up early after looking at a load of roles yesterday. And I've realised that I want to leave the industry because my confidence is now zero. But I'm going to need to sort it out, to start somewhere new. Daunting. And no-one would typically look at me and think my confidence is low!! I also just need a break.

Time of life is a huge factor I think.

My stress is with a junior member of the team and another who dips in when it suits, both manipulative, back stabbing liars. I’m just not used to people behaving this way.
it’s utterly exhausting but talking to colleagues in other areas - I don’t think it’s that uncommon, and there seems a need for constant validation and to be told how special they are.

@Polkadotdash speaker sounds very annoying and clueless.
@Thelittlestranger I hope you can find a role that suits you better.

As someine who has spent the last week unable to sleep because of work stress I have the utmost sympathy. I am dealing with some bad behaviours at the moment when I’ve been the messenger re someone’s poor performance because everyone else was complaining but too scared to do the right thing and I have definitely been shot! HR appear to have my back a bit because it’s a nasty situation (possibly a bit of bullying towards the poor performer) and I apparently dealt with that correctly but no real guidance or help and a lot of second guessing despite me doing more to get her support and remove her from the conflict than anyone else has in literally years.

also I have made an uncharacteristic mistake I need to sort which is tough and I will get some bad feedback on it. Which is fair as I dropped the ball a bit but there won’t be any kind on context or support.

it’s exhausting isn’t it.

@myladyjane blooming exhausting. You were put in a difficult situation. Hope you can sort the mistake with minimal stress.

i took 12.5mg yesterday as I felt what’s the point with continuing at 15.

My suppression is higher today - none of it makes sense !!

I am struggling with the younger generation as well, I'm sure we were not so delicate, sensitive and self-absorbed. No, Isabella, not everything is about you!

It's the Bean Soup thing from TikTok - have you seen? Someone posted a nice bean soup recipe, 10 different kinds of beans. What did a thousand people write in comments? 'But I don't like beans!'
OMG don't make this soup then?

sorry to hear @myladyjane the support is not there.

I am struggling with some poor performers as well, what makes it more complicated is they are not my direct reports. One reports to same manager, and he is aware of the issues, but he is the most conflict avoidant person on this planet and won't do anything about it. As the poor performance affects my team as well, looks like I have to. Fun.

Sorry to hear about all the work stress. @Polkadotdashthe speaker does sound lacking in emotional intelligence a bit and not great from an inclusivity perspective for your company to focus on that, everyone’s different and there’s space for different approaches or should be. I work in HR and I feel really strongly about this stuff. It’s the same as the ads that stipulate x years of experience in a certain industry or must have a degree in roles that don’t need it. As for performance issues, another bug near of mine, they need to be dealt with and people need to do it in a professional and supportive way. Sorry you’ve been dragged in @myladyjane.
@Thelittlestrangercompletely normal to feel how you are. You need to do the right thing for you, I hope ( know) things will work out. Sending anyone having a tough time at work hugs!
I had a great chat with my career coach yesterday and have contacted a load of interim recruiters. What I do is quite niche but I’ve realised I love the going in, assessing the situations and putting in new structures/ fixes, I don’t want to do the day to day so let’s see. It’s exhausting but keeping my spirits up for now!!
in weight news, I weighed this am and have lost 2 1/2 pounds this week woohoo! Still more than I was pre Christmas but more in control and will stay with 5mg for a while. I’ve somehow nearly run out of the screw on needles that come with the pens ( had loads of issues with Oushk ones although they would t replace), does anyone know if you can buy them separately? Thanks

Sorry to hear of all the work stress and for those of you whose confidence has dipped. I was lucky enough to have a coach for a few months last year, she really helped me face challenges head on and learn to recognise when I was wasting my time on low value work. A few people I know used an AI coach to help them. I think of all the times I was stuck in a toxic team or work culture and it really does grind away at your confidence. Sometimes you have the power to change it, ie it’s your team and you fire the bad apples and rebuild the empathy and respect within the remaining team - often a painfully slow process but worth it; sometimes you do just have to remove yourself from it and find a role where you can rebuild your self-belief. I honestly thought I’d peaked in my mid-30s, returning to work as a mum of two I thought I was past it, but I got another confidence boost in my early 40s - thanks to a manager who saw potential in me. So it can happen ladies, often when you least expect it. Just takes the right person to recognise how amazing you are. I’m trying to pay that forward now. I have some great talent in my team that had previously had their confidence knocked but honestly these women are amazing and just needed a chance to prove themselves.

@DGmaintaining you are very right. I changed jobs at 40 with 2 small kids and went from being fine to actually realising I’m pretty bloody good actually. Same role same grade just different team and culture. Confidence increased hugely.

i find our Gen Zers interesting. Really strong work ethic but centred on themselves, wanting things on their terms. No bad thing in a lot of cases but they do seem to struggle with teaming/collective success. I blame late stage capitalism ;)

Oof. So glad I’m retired. I’m a bit of an introvert anyway but I can safely say that the worst part of my years in work was the people.

Just looking at doing my next order for the end of Feb and based on my weigh in stats I’m maintaining on the dose I’m on. I had hoped to move to a 7.5mg pen but I might push that along to a later decision. It should coincide with better weather which will help on the food choices.

I’ve just had a massive bra trying on session and managed to salvage a couple that I hated by removing the padding. I don’t mind underwires so much but I detest padding and that semi rigid foam stuff. Why are bras such a bloody nightmare? I know I’ve not made it a mission and tried specialist shops but high street and supermarket selections are all about small band sizes and big cup sizes. I’m going to need a 38B I think but all the larger band sizes seem to start at a D cup size. I only need one or two to give a better shape under certain clothes and I’ll stick with bralettes for the rest of the time

@26inprogress I've loads of those needles, I’d be happy to send to you. I know lots of people prefer to be anonymous so I could send to a post office maybe to collect ?

@HeidiLite the bean story is so true !
@DGmaintaining very helpful thoughts.

I feel like most of my time at work is spent on tricky personalities and how to manage them. If you work with someone reasonable and discuss how to deal with a matter, there is this understanding of quid pro quo. That if you prefer x and I prefer Y but both are reaonable options, we go for X this time but next time, may go for Y.

But for some people is always their way or highway. And if you always give in then the most unreasonable person will be running the show..

@DGmaintaining toxic managers are the worst. I had one with whom after a couple of years, I couldn't even confidetly tell you what my name was, because she probably wouldhave corrected me.

Sorry to hear about work angst, it is truly grim when you are committed to your work and have to endure a rubbish working environment. As you know I chucked in the towel last year and now have an amazing role to look forward to after easter. It was definitely the right decision for me even though it felt like financial suicide at the time. It wasn't.

My personal bug bear is people being thrown into managing teams/people without any training. Being good at a job does not make you a good manager, yet time and time again we see X managing a team because their technical knowledge and execution of Y is outstanding. The fallout from poor people management can be catastrophic for individuals, let alone costly for organisations. Now that we (quite rightly) recognise stress and the effects of poor mental health in the workplace training managers to manage well is more important than it has ever been before. I could get on my soapbox but I won't ..... this is actually part of one of my guest lecture topics.

On the weight front I haven't dared to weigh this week, think I will wait until the weekend, but let me tell you that I am no longer consipated which feels like a very positive step forward.

Still feeling a bit bored with the food I cook, I found a new (for me) recipe at Ocado for chicken with potatoes, citrus and fennel that I will make tomorrow but I'm definitely feeling like I need to up my cooking game in 2026 for healthy, interesting food I enjoy.

I have completely gone off salmon, which has always been a weekly staple. I am not sure why but I can't face it at all anymore. I love fish so need to find something I actually want to eat.

@PrepossessingPenelope oh I'm with you there. My company also feels that a good specialist must make a good manager, which makes no sense whatsoever. 'So, you're really good at sitting quietly in the corner and digging into the finer details of GDPR? Here, manage a team now!'
I actually personally made 3 development tracks for my people and only 1 is manager track.

Hi Losers! Like @26inprogress I work in HR and yes, we have tone-deaf people come in every now and again disrespecting the fact that we're all quite different and some of us (me!) are painfully shy at times.

The performance issues you're all handling are painful too - the work I have to put into making managers deal with performance issues would blow your minds. They seem to want to ignore them and hope that the issues will right themselves/go away but the inevitably do not and then they approach me when things are getting completely untenable and expect me to fire the person (without any other measures having taken place beforehand). THEN they complain about HR not doing their job - give me strength!

Apart from that, all good here. I'm on 2.4mg and have been SO hungry and picky this week that I've just taken a 1mg booster as I can't stop eating (I'm not due to jab until tomorrow). I've asked SheMed if I can have a go with their 4.8mg dose instead as I'm sure that when I weigh in, I'll have put weight on.

Still, I count myself lucky that I'm where I am now and not the weight I was this time last year!

@myladyjane funnily enough, a lot of my work stress is centred around trying to get managers to deal with a single person hugely underperforming. I read an article recently somewhere (probably on linked in) that was saying the result of failing to deal with poor performance is actually a toxic environment for those who DO perform, so they end up leaving. I can totally see that. Sorry that you are bearing the brunt of trying to do the right thing, I imagine that will becoming my way shortly too. along with endless redundancy rounds, it's been a shit start to the year so far!

@Polkadotdash , my DH is an introvert and has managed to become hugely successful at work but has always felt like he battles against an environment designed for extroverts. Certain kinds of inclusivity are prized over genuine inclusivity which actually allows people to be themselves rather than the overtly performative 'bring your whole self to work' type. If places were genuinely inclusive, it'd be an awful lot easier as someone who's pretty bloody good at her job to find a well paid part time role!

oops, forgot my WLI related question! I just went on Pharmulous to book a maintenance consultation and they charge £10 for this - is this standard?!

Oh do not get me started on the ‘bring your whole self to work’ shite. I absolutely hate it. Hate it. It serves no purpose but the flatter the extroverts who want people to look at them.

It’s interesting that many of you have experienced people being subject matter experts and automatically being promoted to managerial positions. The civil service seems to be the other way. I’m a subject matter expert and I cannot get promoted because I lack ‘leadership’ experience. However those with no subject matter expertise are easily promoted into senior positions, meaning that they do all the corporate guff whilst the rest of us do the actual bloody job.

It’s interesting when I reflect on things, how there is definitely a connection between me gaining weight, withdrawing more into myself, getting overlooked at work, feeling more embarrassed about how I look, which leads to me hiding away and so it spirals down. Years ago I came to the realisation that I will always be overweight and overdrawn and I don’t seem to be able to break that thinking.

@Polkadotdash that sounds really frustrating on the expert vs leadership matter. I was very much promoted as an expert but then made a point of becoming a good leader. I enjoy creating the right environment for a team to thrive as individuals as much as I enjoy my area of expertise these days. That was the main reason I walked from my long term job, too much interference from a board, creating an environment that went against everything I stand for.

I'm fairly introverted, always have been. I remember feeling really inadequate/suffering from imposter syndrome in my 30s because I didn't talk the corporate crap at all. I also remember my fabulous managing partner telling me I didn't have to because my clients wanted me for my technical skills and not my bullshit talking skills.

I've seen my DC's being poorly managed in their part time student jobs recently, DS in particular, who has found it really tough but has insisted on keeping going (he doesn't need the cash, just has a really strong work ethic). I've been almost mentoring him through the rubbish he brings home with him.

I can empathise with weight making you withdraw professionally, I definitely experienced that too and I am feeling so much more confident because I've lost weight, stupid really, I use my brain not my blubber in the workplace.

I found out recently I’m an ambivert which was oddly helpful to realise. My dad and dd1 fit that too and we all tend to succeed in the same way.

at work I very much fit into the fat jolly mum category and part of that is just me. I’m not very serious and I am a bit haphazard so I get it. I am definitely a grower not a shower in that people have overlooked me then when they have worked with me realise I’m pretty good actually. I think weight impacts how much I was prepared to put myself out there but also my work are piss poor at the whole inclusion thing despite what they crap on about….

in weight related news, I appear to have had a big whoosh so am only 1/2 lb above my top end goal. However it feels really wrong - I can’t really eat and feel sick and faint so I am definitely going back to 10 on Friday as I really need to want to eat reasonably. Weight may go back up a bit but that’s the right thing to do.

Well, congrats on the whoosh - interested why you think it feels wrong. Is it because you feel so suppressed that you don't think it's sustainable?

Gosh, work is just bleurgh isn't it? I'm looking forward to a reset and some time off before I start to look around.

Today's WI was good, so pleased about that. Went for a swim today, and going to attempt another short run tomorrow.

Well done @myladyjane , you are right to stick at 10mg, not being able to eat and feeling sick and faint is no good for anyone. I felt like that on 8.33mg which wasn't sustainable for me.