Hi all! Just bobbing in to say hi after a busy old week - my youngest's 18th party, work, life in general! Finally managed to get the suitcases unpacked from our holiday - have definitely also been eating more since we came home on the 9th. Was getting quite stressed about it, worrying that I was falling back into bad habits, but I've had a sharp word with myself and am reining it in! Eating a bit less each day - though bizarrely I still have lost three of pounds, so that was a bonus! And to be fair, my current version of 'eating more' is about half my old version of 'eating more.' As you all know, it's not just about the numbers on the scale, it's about how you feel - my main delight from being on MJ has been feeling in control for once, and I was terrified of losing that. Off to the cinema today to have a staring competition with the popcorn, hot dogs and pic n mix! Though I now realise I can have a couple of sweets and all will be fine - it's maybe time for me to find the balance between being rigidly in control, and trusting the process. I'll be doing this for a few years with the amount I have to lose, so there are going to be different phases. I'm very grateful for this thread, and for the wisdom and shared experience of people further down the road.
@Blondeshavemorefun @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne @Lds1 @MummyInTheNecropolis and any others I've accidentally forgotten to mention - thanks for sharing your pics, they are really inspiring. They prove it's possible.
There are a lot of mental health implications @FatsiaJaponicaInTheGarden you are totally right - we have been somehow treated as the lowest of the low for so long now. Being fat is such an obvious 'flaw', and makes it easy for people to judge us - and even the most robust of egos are going to be affected by all that negativity eventually. I was on a bus the other day and an awful woman had a row with the driver, and was screaming at him that he was a 'fat c*' - horrible behaviour, and it also struck me how quickly people turn to weight when they're looking for an insult (he wasn't even that big, but that's not the point!) That's an extreme example, but I've had verbal abuse over the years - and I've also directed it at myself, in a kind of pre-emptive strike - like if I make fun of my weight first, it takes away the power of others to get there first and hurt me with their words.
I'm sure we've all put on a good show on the surface - I am very much the 'jolly funny fat girl' who likes a drink and makes everyone laugh - and then shed our tears in private. I've had days in the past just waiting for everyone else to leave for work/school/whatever (I work from home), so I could sit alone and binge, stuff myself until I felt physically sick, and then cry my eyes out because of how awful I felt. I don't do the stuffing myself any more but that doesn't mean all the problems are gone - it's a complicated issue. I'm noticing that I am feeling more sadness, especially around my kids moving on - obviously I'm super happy for them to move on, and aware of how lucky I am to have three healthy adult children who have their own busy lives! But just sometimes, being brutally self-indulgently honest, I feel sorry for me - I miss them. That's an issue that will be ongoing and it's a time of transition for all of us, but not being able to numb those feelings with a huge cake or a KFC is a challenge!
On a brighter note, I bought an Oliver Bonas dress from Vinted - a 16 - and tried it on for a laugh expecting to get stuck half way with my arms waving in the air, having a borderline panic attack thinking I might have to call the fire brigade to get me out of it. But it actually fit! Still way too snug and wouldn't squeeze my boobs in there in my 'going out' bra, but I was in it, it was fastened, and it was NOT a stretchy dress! Someone on here - sorry can't remember who - advised me to look at clothes of a different style, because I'm retaining all my weight around my belly. It's hanging lower and lower and is still huge, whereas the rest of me is slimming down. The advice was to look at dresses that are more fitted/bodice style at the top and don't skim too tight lower down - I've lived in stretchy jersey for so long it feels unnatural! I've bargain-hunted a few Nobody's Child frocks in a style called Starlight, which is exactly that. They are very small fitting though - when I get into one of those I will throw a street party!!