Hello you lovely lot! Been back from my hols in Spain for a few days and dealing with domestic chaos, only just got the chance to catch up on your posts. Lots of feeling low, reflective, and a wee bit sad going on it seems - isn't it funny how we often seem to have the same cycles? And thank goodness we have each other to talk about these things with.
So, I went to Spain and had a lovely time. No problem initially, even turned down a hotel buffet breakfast (and I LOVE those!) - but paella broke me on day 4. Funny, I thought it'd be sweet stuff, but it was paella! Not that paella is intrinsically evil, but I'd already had my meals for the day, and found myself tucking into a plate of it late one night while sitting out in Marbella Old Town. After that, I didn't exactly crash - there was none of that 'hanged for a sheep as a lamb' crap that would have derailed me before MJ - but a definite loosening of control. I gained 5lbs overall, and I've already lost 4 of those, so it's not a huge deal - I was on holiday, and as we all know this is a long game.
I think what bothered me wasn't the weight gain, but that for the first time since starting on MJ my crazy food brain over-ruled me. I felt a bit out of control again, like I was standing at the edge of a cliff - and I hated that. Hated that self-loathing and the fear that I was going to lose the plot and everything would be wasted - that MJ would be just like all the other diets over the years, promising to start off with but ultimately unable to deal with my terrible relationship with food (and with myself, let's be honest, that's all part of it.)
I have a lot going on with work, with family, with money, and it's very easy to become anxious and negative - all of which contributes to my over-eating historically. But I have decided not to be too hard on myself - yesterday I managed to eat within touching distance of 'normal', and today will be even better I'm sure. I have to keep calm and carry on, and all will be well - panic is definitely the enemy!
My weighing/jabbing schedule is a bit out of whack, but finally did it today - jab no 17, still on 3.75mg. I actually considered not posting about it, but then realised that the accountability is good for me! I am going to own that paella pound! On the plus side, as many of you have mentioned, I did find the heat so much easier to tolerate, and did lots of walking.
SW: 307lb
CW: 260lb
GW: ???