Thank you for sharing your posts about weight struggles. It made me think back to when I was a teenager. I was never ‘fat’ but I had a different body shape to my friends. Short torso, long slim arms, wide hips, long legs but chunky thighs with ‘fat knees’. Big hands and feet. Clothes didn’t hang off me like they did on the models. I was also quite hairy (Mediterranean dad) so had that to add to my body shame.
I remember wearing a short dress at my 18th and being told by ‘aunties’ (my mums friends) that I looked lovely but to not put on any more weight. I remember them whispering in their language that I had a big bum. I didn’t have the willpower to be anorexic, and I have a fear of vomiting so couldn’t do the binge and purge thing as a teenager - just lots of self-loathing after eating a twix and a lion bar every day at break time.
When I got to uni, I overheard my roommate refer to me as ‘big bird’. She was a tiny, chain-smoking, waif…and compared to her I was huge.
At 19 I discovered slim fast shakes and ‘step’. I had two shakes a day, went to ‘step’ three times a week and ate calorie counted ready meals. I lost loads of weight and everyone said I looked amazing - I could fit into size 10s. I got a kidney infection from too much slim fast.
In my twenties I got a job with a corp gym membership, went everyday, lost loads of weight again. So began my cycle of eating what I wanted, then exercising it off.
Pregnant at 30, and actually did lose weight by running after my challenging toddler who was later diagnosed autistic. Didn’t come off as quickly after second DS, so had to get my arse into the gym again.
Everytime I put weight on - I’d go to the gym and sweat it off. Never skinny, but enough to be able to squeeze into a size 12/14.
End of my thirties the weight wasn’t coming off as easily. Got a PT and lost 12kg turning fat into muscle. Entered my 40s stronger and more toned than I had ever been.
But the weight piled on two years later. Covid lockdown, autistic teen, stressful job, high anxiety DH, plus food being something that I absolutely love and I associate with family time. We love to eat out, I love fine dining, love to try different foods, we cook well at home. Not a fan of cheap fast food (cannot stand McDonalds), but I love a French pastry, a wood-fired Napolitan pizza, a posh pub lunch, going to the farmers market to find something interesting to cook, ordering all the tapas, all the curried side dishes, the whole Mezze, a starter and a dessert.
I’ve done the green smoothie diet, 5:2, keto, paleo, CICO, lo-carb, no sugar, IF. Usually I lose 3-4kg, come off the diet…put it back on again. But last year nothing worked to shift it. I’d hit that age where hormones had started to change. I can no longer eat what I want for a bit and then exercise of diet it off again.
I’m currently in the ‘obsessing’ phase with MJ and weightloss. Refreshing this feed, the WLI threads, reading every article that comes up. Am curious as to how I’ll feel once I hit goal. I do think I’ll need a maintenance plan. I’d like to think 1.25mg could be enough to let me eat and enjoy food at maintenance calories, whilst also benefitting from the sugar regulation and anti-inflammatory effect.