My best friend’s son’s wedding

[GardenBirdie]

The son of my best friend of 51 years gets married tomorrow. I wasn’t invited.

it’s not exactly a small wedding - 60+ guests - and it’s taking place in a castle. My friend and her husband are paying for it.

i’ve known the groom since he was born and feel very sorry not to be seeing him get married.

I would never say anything, of course, but can’t help but feel upset that my friend hasn’t even acknowledged it.

Should I, in some way, refer to this in future? It feels dishonest not to. The wedding doesn't just involve the bride and groom and their friends - I know some distant relatives have been invited that my friend is rarely in touch with.

The same thing happened with her first son.

Feeling very hurt.

You are being unreasonable

I was coming on to comment that I would love to see my friends children get married, so to see the wedding party, and then to slip away quietly. Possible in a church or possibly registry office, but may be not a castle! Do send a card and gift.

Sixty guests isn’t that much really. 30 for the bride, 30 for the groom. Out of the grooms 30, why should his mums mates be included? If I was only inviting 30 people my mums bestie absolutely wouldn’t be one of them.

I think etiquette has changed - when I got married 25 years ago, everyone was invited and parents definitely had a say in who was invited too. Now, I think many young people no longer want people not important to them. My own daughter has made it very clear that her wedding is going to be only people special to her and the groom. I know some of my own friends will find this strange as they have seen her grow up but as my friend rather than a relationship with her personally. I also appreciate the cost of having guests is huge so it has to be their choice. Please don’t take your upset out on your friend.

@happydays312 my dd is getting married shortly and is exactly the same. They are early 30s and both have a huge number of friends from school, university, post grad training and work. We have 165 coming. We have no relatives as they haven’t stayed in touch with dd and didn’t send any message when she got engaged. We have invited God parents but no one whose dc are married, but we didn’t get invited to their weddings. We have 2 sets of friends who got married very quietly and we didn’t even know. So they are not invited either. The grooms parents have around 20 of the 165 and they are family and close friends.

With 60, there’s obviously limits. I think the couple marrying choose and they will mostly choose friends and it seems they don’t have many!

Dd sent out electronic invitations with RSVP, meal and wine choices etc. A fantastic and beautiful written invitation from them and both parents was a follow up.

Your friend is an immediate member of the wedding party, you only know her
That shows how you don't understand. Over the 50+ years I have known bf I have met her DGM, her DP, her DH, her siblings (even went to one sibling's wedding), her DC (not just the one getting married), other family members, etc, etc. I knew plenty of people at the wedding.

Well if thats what they want, and they want to sacrifice guest numbers, then thats their choice.

Don't be sneery because your priorities are not the same as other peoples

but no one whose dc are married, but we didn’t get invited to their weddings. We have 2 sets of friends who got married very quietly and we didn’t even know. So they are not invited either.

That sounds very tit for tat spiteful. Surely you look at if you want them at your wedding then invite them Don't base it on if you were invited to their wedding.

Tbh in your shoes I’d have expected an invite. I get where you’re coming from OP.

Nothing to do with you. I would not invite my friend’s parents to my wedding even though i have known them since i was little

My DM insisted we invite her best friend to our wedding 20 years ago. The best friends son got married a few years later and my DM and DF were invited to the evening reception. My Dsis and then Dbro got married and DM’s friend was invited all day to both again. Her second DS got married and my parents received no invitation.

My DM was more hurt that her friend never addressed the lack of invite than anything else but at the end of the day it’s the couples choice and she probably found it awkward herself.

Hmm, so the groom can only invite 30 people. Taking into account his own family, other relatives and his friends from school/uni/work/hobbies, do you think you would be in his top 30 people?

How often do you spend time with him?

Did your friend invite any other friends? If not, then 30 people each for bride and groom are small numbers so maybe it is a numbers thing. If you have been close for 51 years , surely you can ask? Did you not ask after the first son?

We had a number of family friends at our wedding. We still see all of them but there are probably half of our friends we invited who we no longer see. There were a couple of family friends who didn’t make the cut who are still in our lives and I regret not inviting.

But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Dear lord, please don’t EVER mention this your friends or the son.

Totally unreasonable.

60 people does not cover friends of the parents.
at minimum
2 couple
4 parents
8 grandparents
14 leaving 46 seats.
now add siblings
aunts, uncles, first cousins

with my family we would have run out of chairs already and not been able to invite everyone. None of our friends would be there.

Why would you think you would be invited? You aren't a relative 60 guests is actually only 30 plus partners. , 15 from each side that's a small wedding and you are being ridiculous

Why on earth would the bride and groom think of inviting the parents friends.

No grown ups care who babysat them as kids.

As an adult, they see you as an acquaintance at best.

It might sting, as you probably heard a lot about them from the mum over the years and feel very invested in their life, but do they know as much about you? Doubtful.

I’m getting married next year and my MIL and DM friends haven’t even come into my mind as someone to invite. Send a congratulations card and think nothing more. I’m sure there’s nothing malicious to it xx

Why on earth would you expect an invite? It would never have crossed my mind to invite my parents friends to my wedding! It’s for friends and family of the couple who are getting married.

You're his mum's friend, not a relative or friend of the couple.

60 guests is not massive, either.

We had over 100 and I wouldn't have thought to invite friends of my parents. We would not have had space.

My best friend’s daughter got married two weeks ago. I wasn’t invited. Not did I expect to be invited. I’m her dad’s friend, not her’s. I sent a nice card and a gift.

Why do you feel entitled to an invitation?
The couple have invited who they want, are you close to the bride and groom?

as pp have said, in a small wedding such as this it’s not at all surprising that a parents’ friend hasn’t been invited. If the groom invites you then that’s probably an extra 4 people - assuming you have a partner - as the bride would also then have to invite a friend of her family to even the numbers. That’s nearly a sixth of the guest list; you can see how the numbers add up
quickly which is why people have to have clear boundaries like family only. The fact your friend hasn’t mentioned it suggests she doesn’t feel it’s a controversial decision .