My best friend’s son’s wedding

[GardenBirdie]

The son of my best friend of 51 years gets married tomorrow. I wasn’t invited.

it’s not exactly a small wedding - 60+ guests - and it’s taking place in a castle. My friend and her husband are paying for it.

i’ve known the groom since he was born and feel very sorry not to be seeing him get married.

I would never say anything, of course, but can’t help but feel upset that my friend hasn’t even acknowledged it.

Should I, in some way, refer to this in future? It feels dishonest not to. The wedding doesn't just involve the bride and groom and their friends - I know some distant relatives have been invited that my friend is rarely in touch with.

The same thing happened with her first son.

Feeling very hurt.

Well you’re obviously not close with him are you? My mums best friend was at my wedding because I’ve known her my whole life and she’s like a relative to me.

It’s not your friends choice who’s on the guest list and her son just probably sees you as ‘mums friend’ I’m sure if it was her wedding and her guest list you’d be on the top of the list! You can’t moan at her, it’s not her wedding so she hasn’t done the guest list, but you can be disappointed which I would be too!

60 guests is only 30 each. That’ll barely cover immediate family and some friends and their partners/families. Friends of parents would be way down the list, OP, and it’s quite unreasonable of you to expect an invite.

I can understand that you are disappointed, but I'm not sure you have good reason to be hurt. Different people take different approaches to wedding guest lists and not everyone would consider inviting friends of their parents, however close and long standing. If they have invited other friends of their parents then I think your response would be more justified, but you don't say that they have. Inviting family is different.

The son of some of our oldest close friends is getting married next year. We have known the parents for over 30 years having been students together and still see the parents regularly (son lives in Australia, so we don't see him often). DH is the godfather of their daughter, the groom's older sister. It's a little different as the legal wedding is in Australia but they are doing a second wedding here. I'm not sure whether we are invited or not. I'm assuming not as though they have talked about the wedding a bit, they haven't actually indicated that we are invited! It's fine if we are not and I won't be offended. Unless they invite other friends then I will be as I think we should be pretty much top of that list!

I would also say that I think these are probably the only friends we have where I think there would be a reasonable expectation that we might be invited to the weddings of their children. I'd be fairly surprised to be invited by others.

You can be sad but it's their wedding and their decision. 60 people is fairly small once you add in partners, children etc. Do the grown up thing and send them a card and present, and put a smile on to ask about the wedding next time you see your friend. Not worth losing a friendship over.

Of course you shouldn’t say anything! That would be extremely rude.

And of course family members come before friends. It’s not for you to judge how distant they are. “Hatches, matched and dispatches” are often what bond families together.

Fair enough to be privately wee bit sad that you don’t get to the big day, so buy a nice gift and wait to see the photos.

I do hope that one day some sense will return to the wedding scene and people will realise, like CatamaranViper did, that people are more important than fancy castles.

Why would you even expect an invite? You are his mum’s friend, nothing to do with him. Just send a nice card.

I have had many friends get married and have not been invited but I have gone to the wedding to see the actual wedding. As far as I know wedding ceremonies are all open to the public. I have then come home as I would not expect to be invited to the reception.

It’s a good point, could you slip quietly into the back of the church? Several neighbours and friends of my Mum’s did that for ours.

I guess it depends on the location and type of wedding.

You're a friend of his parent, you are not his friend

Its not your wedding, its not your friends wedding

What do fancy castles have to do with limiting guest lists

Its the bride and grooms day and its their choice

I absolutely did not invite parents friends to my wedding.
Why would I?
They're not my friends... or family.

My best mate's ds gets married this year. I'm her Plus One.
Our dc met at primary school..
Yanbu to be hurt..
But ultimately she didn't write the guest list.
Send a card.

Me too. Well, I did it once, went to a neighbour's wedding with some other neighbours and she was pleased to see us. They are open events because everyone is a witness.
I also had a load of work colleagues who turned up at my wedding. I was thrilled to see them! But I think they came at the end of the ceremony (register office) when the photos were being taken.

Because people spend all their money on show-off castles and then say they can only afford a limited number of guests.

That's only for places like churches. I doubt that OP could turn up to the castle.

Depends did you babysit him as a child? If you had alot of input into ihim growing up then you have a fair point.

I was invited to my friends sons wedding last year, I can assure you it caused some angst, as many family members were not invited, even though arguably I’m closer to him than them, but it was his choice and he brokered no discussion on it and shut it down.

thid is one of these scenarios where you can’t do right for wrong.

with 15 couples max each, assuming no kids, even less if kids, then it needs to be their friends and of course family, so parents friends would not make the list. It’s just not a big enough wedding.

siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, can really add up, then add in close friends, and their partners, you easily hit the 15 number v fast. And if it’s kids as well, then it’s even less.

as said, this isn’t about you, the parents will not have decided the guest list, the bride and groom will have, and they have limited numbers.

you really shouldn’t say anything, but you should wish them well, I’d even send a gift, and try to come out more on the happy for them side and understanding, than entitled and pissed off.

Imo

60 guests is not enough to invite everyone you know, let alone your mum’s friend! YABVU.

As you weren't invited to the 1st son's wedding, why would you even think you would be considered to be invited to the 2nd son's wedding.

even if you had been invited, have you thought through the logistics of that ?

you don't know anyone except for your best friend ( and her husband ? )
Who are you going to talk to
Who would you be sat beside
They are all strangers to you.

The groom and the bride are far to busy getting married / enjoying their wedding to say more than a few words to you !

Your friend is an immediate member of the wedding party, you only know her - surely you don't expect to be with her all day / talk to her / sit with her etc.

Next thing you would be wanting is a +1 for you !