My best friend’s son’s wedding

[GardenBirdie]

The son of my best friend of 51 years gets married tomorrow. I wasn’t invited.

it’s not exactly a small wedding - 60+ guests - and it’s taking place in a castle. My friend and her husband are paying for it.

i’ve known the groom since he was born and feel very sorry not to be seeing him get married.

I would never say anything, of course, but can’t help but feel upset that my friend hasn’t even acknowledged it.

Should I, in some way, refer to this in future? It feels dishonest not to. The wedding doesn't just involve the bride and groom and their friends - I know some distant relatives have been invited that my friend is rarely in touch with.

The same thing happened with her first son.

Feeling very hurt.

I wouldn’t automatically be expected to be invited to close friends children’s weddings no, apart from my 2 god daughters.

My friend always invited me to her children's weddings, I dutifully went along. Dare I say it was the table right at the back of the room scenario and hardly knowing any guests. Always thought the bride and groom wondered what was going on. I can remember one groom looking really hard at us trying to work out who we were. However Mum was paying, her event, her guests. Be glad you are not having to go

60 guests is absolutely a smaller wedding and does not typically extend to parent’s friends.

Its not your friends wedding.

Just realised its only a wedding for 60 guests. Thats 15 couples each (if you are working in couples). Once you add a few close relatives, very little room for friends of the bride and groom. Hardly surprising you didn't get an invite.

Don’t say anything. I’d be secretly relieved to not get an invitation.

Our friends’ daughter is getting married next month. We are invited and it’s a destination wedding and a 12 hour flight away. Declining was not an option, much as we’d have loved to.

My parents didn’t have any of their friends at my wedding. I don’t think it occurred to them. They had relatives, but no friends.

You might expect an invitation to a small wedding if you were the Groom's Godmother.

One exception where old friends and neighbours might view a wedding is if it is held in the village church. Locals will gather at the fence to view the bride, and see the happy couple emerge from the church. Often ushers will motion lucky ones into the back of the church after the bride if there is plenty of seating.
Is the castle local and in the middle of the town?

I wouldn't take it personally. It would be nice to be invited, but it's not a snub

You’re being really unreasonable. 60 guests is 30 pairs. By the time you factor in 2 lots of aunts & uncles, cousins, siblings, parents, and some friends, that fills up very quickly.

@GardenBirdie it's not about you!

It is her SON's wedding, not hers!

Her son and his partner will decide who comes to the wedding, not her. 60+ guests is not a massive wedding, so by the time the couple have invited family (distant and not so distant members) and their friends, that is probably enough for them. Be happy for the couple, rather than unhappy for yourself.

Some of these replies are harsh. Op is entitled to be upset, she hasn’t said anything or made a scene but her best friend and child she has known all of his life…yes I’d probably expect an invite or at least acknowledgement of why I didn’t get one.

At my wedding I had loads of my mums friends there, not because they were ‘my mums friends’ but because I’ve grown up with them and they are like extended family even if we don’t see them that often.

Ultimately nobody is entitled to an invite to anyone’s wedding, the choice lies with the bride and groom and that’s final. However it isn’t unreasonable to feel hurt and snubbed.

60 people isn’t many at all, if you think about it that’s only 30 per side. If you have a big family that takes up most of that, let alone friends/work friends. It’s rare for parents friends to make the list, do you even know the bride? Paying for someone to attend your wedding is expensive!

It’s his wedding, not his mum’s. I didn’t invite any of my mum’s friends either. Why would l?! Weddings are very expensive and most people don’t invite their parents friends

Why on earth your your mum's best friend be on your very limited guest list?

Look at it logically - MOG's best friend (plus one), MOB's best friend (plus one), possibly fathers of bride and groom best friends (plus one) - that's 8 people out of 60.
Or the OP of a recent AIBU who was upset she wasn't a bridesmaid for her best friend's sister's wedding. Or a godparent thinking they should be invited.

In the wider acquaintance of two young people there can be a myriad of people who think they should be invited. They are mistaken.

It's solely down to the bride and groom.

Of course you shouldn't say anything, don't be ridiculous.

As others have said, 60 is a pretty small wedding.

I understand why you feel you should be invited, as you’ve been an aunty to the son all their life. However, sixty isn’t a huge wedding, and relatives always get first priority.

I'm with you, OP. I've known my bf for over 50 years. She was invited to my DC's wedding and I was invited to her DC's.
As you can see from the replies, it tends to be the B&G who fund the wedding these days and they decide the guest list. But you'd think that, since it was your bf paying, then you'd get an invitation.
Sorry she has upset you this way but it's too late to address it now.

60 is not much, that’s 30 people for the bride and groom, 15 couples, less if kids coming, you can easily make this number with just family, it’s clearly a small wedding, and gently, it’s not about you

60 plus guests is a small wedding. I had 120 at mine and almost 200 in the evening.

With 60 guests the bride and groom will have prioritised their friends and family.

Our daughter was married recently, and the guest list was parents and siblings, two aunts/uncles she and groom were close to, and their own friends. None of either extended family or old family friends were invited. This was entirely with our unqualified support. The days are gone when parents can insist on Mrs X or Mr Y because they have known them forever. It’s more important for the young to have people round them who will be there when we are long gone. I never expect to be asked to the weddings of my friends’ kids for all those reasons.

60 is relatively small, that’s only 30 each.

And I don’t think you should assume that paying for the wedding means your friend had any say in the guest list, or even that if she did her friends would feature on the guest list before family (even extended family).

I’m sorry but what are you hurt about? You wouldn’t make the list of 30 people and it happened before with her other son? Why would it be surprising that they’ve done a similar guest list again? Family first, bride and groom’s friends, that’s easily 60 people.

of course you should refer to it - ask how it went, look at photos, be delighted for him. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen.

We had a large wedding as my family is stupidly big and DH has a massive circle of friends, but we didn't have much money so it was very informal. BBQ in a barn type wedding. We gave both sets of parents 4 invites each for their friends because at that point an extra 8 people wouldn't make much difference.

However, I used to be a wedding manager in a chain of venues where people would be paying ~£80pp for the wedding breakfast alone so at that sort of price bracket, hell no would I be inviting friends of parents!

I was fortunate to go to the wedding of my old friend's son last year. But I do have a goid relationship with the groom (now aged 35), and have always kept in touch with him. Me and my husband were unofficial godparents from Day 1, so we were seated with the family (aunts and uncles) at the reception.
So, OP, I think you need to reflect on your relationship with the groom himself, not with your friend, and that might provide an answer.