Bride having affair

[WorthyRoseWriter]

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

I've known, after the marrage, of a few brides in the same situation and it's not ended well.
Waste of everyone's time and an incredibly expensive piss take.

I couldn't play a part in organising a wedding knowing either the bride or groom was having an affair.

Equally I'd be furious if I was one of those on a hen do then attended the wedding and found out that it was known during the planning.

Why? The only person who should really bad is the shitty bride

Can you be sure if your friend hasn’t confirmed it? Talk to her. Depending on you feel about her reply , decide what to do. You can drop out of organising the hen if you want to, you’re not obliged to tell anyone else why.

Can you imagine getting a letter like that?

Not only harming his relationship, but also the sender hasn't given a way to verify the information, and he will be wondering who sent it, looking at everyone in his life wondering if it was them, who knows and kept it from him.....

Sending an anonymous letter to aliviate your guilt for knowing does nothing for the recipient. Either tell someone or don't, not this half measure stuff.

I was in a similar situation years ago. I couldn’t attend the wedding and it did affect our friendship for a long while but what she was doing was awful. They were divorced within 18 months. She’s turned things around since and is now happy and settled with a family. We are closer too - it was almost 20 years ago.

I get not wanting to tell him if the couple had been married for years, you don't know how they would want to deal with it and they may choose to work it out ignore it Things could get messy quickly.

But it's awful not to tell him before he gets married. You'd be saving him a lifetime of grief!

@WorthyRoseWriter if you definitely think this is true, then back out now, do not waste anymore time or money on this bride, shes an awful woman. Its one thing to be a cheater but to be cheating and planning a wedding etc expecting people to spend so much money on her and her wedding is just beyond the realms of complete selfishness!

Get out of it.

I know a bride who had a big wedding fortnight honeymoon, came home and ran off with her lover within days. Three weeks that marriage lasted. People were furious.

What a crap position to be in ..
I’d be sitting down having a serious chat with the bride ..
Ah , why make the decision to get married if this is the carry on .
I just don’t understand it ….

What is the point of having an affair before you even get married? I don't understand it.

@WorthyRoseWriter in your shoes I would speak up to the bride.

I couldn’t be friends with someone who treated anyone like this…It’s one thing to have an affair but another to be doing it in the lead up to a wedding. It’s abhorrent behaviour and I wouldn’t want to be a part of it.

What did the friend say and any reason they suddenly told you out of the blue? How many times has bride cheated, is it repeatedly with the same person?? What an awful position you’re now in. How can you be so sure it’s true?

Op I haven’t RTET. As a very immature 20y.o a friend was having an affair with her married boss while her weddings was months away. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. She would tell me about shagging on the desk top with her feet up in the air (which seemed outrageous to me then) while also talking about bridesmaids dresses. Even then it seemed so sordid and this was 30 yrs ago. I was still in uni/ grad school and it wasn’t great for me financially but I knew her behavior didn't align with my values. You may not want to police her values and morals but you certainly don’t have to go along with this charade of an engagement. What bodes for this couples future? My Dmum who was not very worldly but quite astute said..if you decline to be a bridesmaid she will end the friendship and she did. The wedding did occur but didn’t last. I wasn’t mature enough to tell him then…I didn’t even think about telling him but I knew I couldn’t stand there and witness their vows because isn’t that the role of the wedding party?

My thoughts exactly.

Unless you have seen her shagging someone who isn't her fiancé or she has told you directly them you dont know she is definitely having the affair.

You are responding to gossip.

If she is the good friend you claim, then speak to her.

I couldn't in good conscience organise something so expensive knowing what a sham the wedding is.
Awful behaviour.

If the hen do is a whole weekend and the wedding is abroad, I'd bail out on that basis alone. What a liberty expecting people to fork out for all that

Guess someone was bored and wanting attention from this non story

Hi @WorthyRoseWriter could you tip off the groom know anonymously whilst still continuing to plan the hen So the suspicion isn’t on you. All those saying nothing to do with you wouldn’t want that to happen to them. Now that you know you can save the groom from being ruined

Do you want to be friends with a cheat? Tell her you can’t attend anymore or be a BM anymore and wash your hands off the mess.

I would pull out.

Ask her. Friend to friend. Sometimes people get caught up in things. Weddings spiral, affairs are a period of madness. Maybe she feels she can’t get out of one or the other. People make shitty mistakes, but it doesn’t mean they are outright awful people all together. Perhaps an honest conversation with her MoH will be the jolt she needs to do the right thing, cancel her wedding and examine her own behaviour. I’d hope so anyway.

@Devianinc That's an absolutely disgusting thing to say about someone.

I’ve reported that post. Absolute bilge.