Bride having affair

[WorthyRoseWriter]

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

You need to somehow let the groom know. He's the one who's being decived by a cheater. Then he can decide if he still wants to go ahead.
Do it anonymously. You have to!

I’d remove myself from that situation. And consider whether to inform the groom anonymously. This isn’t the basis for a marriage.

Agree McCartney

If this was the other way around OP and you knew the groom was having an affair. Would you tell the bride to be ?
I would.
Although anonymously as I’m not that brave.

The groom needs to know. It’s a terrible thing to stand there and to withhold that information from him.

This!!!

Are you sure she is cheating?

Tell her what you and everyone knows. Then tell her to tell him or you will.

Speak for yourself. So sad.

If you plan to anonymously tell the groom, then try and do it before his Stag happens.

I'm sure you have absolute proof and not just the word of someone else, who may fancy the pants of groom to be.

Sorry for being so lighthearted, this is a truly awful situation, and one that I just couldn't have any part of. You know that too.

I personally wouldn’t want to spend time and money for someone doing that to their fiance. I’d pull out and tell the bride

How can you be sure based on a text message? Be careful before interfering. Maybe he’s wealthy and she’s marrying for money, or they have an arrangement you aren’t party to, or they are into polyamory, or the groom has a fetish for being cuckolded. Ask her about what you’ve heard.

If she's a good friend then I wouldn't tell the groom at this point. I'd speak to her, tell her everyone knows she's having an affair, that you don't think she should be getting married, that she needs to either tell the groom (to give him a fair choice) or end the relationship and cancel the wedding. Either way, tell her you're not going to the wedding or helping her in any way.

Thanks ChatGPT

Eh?

Why are you loyal to a low moral cheater ? Tell the groom , tell the others and tell her she is an awful person for doing this ! What are you scared of , loosing her ad a friend ? Do you really want that sort of person as a friend ?

That wouldn't sit right with me either 😞

Agree with others.

Tell her you and others know, and drop out from the wedding.

Snowball's chance in hell I'd arrange someone's hen weekend if they were having an affair.

Hell mend you if you crack on with it.

Just tell the groom. Straight out. It doesn’t matter if they shoot the messenger. There is no way I would let someone walk into a marriage with a cheater. The least I would do it tell them so at least they can make a decision based on all the facts.

‘Bob, Sandra is shagging Gary from the King’s Head while you’re out at your bonsai club on Tuesdays’.

The responsibility put on you by the bride herself is totally unfair.
You shouldn't be sworn to secrecy and be expected to work through the mess. You're not even sure what to and it's been placed squarely on your shoulders. Horrible.

Tell her you know - and say you are stepping down. I would not waste all that money on a sham.

This 100 %
Talk about taking you all for mugs. I’d be fuming if I paid to go to a hen doo and wedding abroad for this to be going on all the while with my friend.

because whats the point in wrecking your friendships etc over not being believed ? why should the innocent party suffer etc

It is the business of anyone even attending an event that's meant to celebrate 2 people being together until death...most of us are happy to buy presents/give up time and energy for a committed couple, but for someone behaving like this? Bride or groom, it's OP's business. If people don't want to be be committed, that's fine-no one makes them marry. I get that 50 years ago you could feel forced into it, but not usually today.