Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

No. Bank details are a step too far.

I would say no to bank details. Would think this is a bit pushy.
We did ask for honeymoon contributions and got either cash in a card or close family asked for bank details and we'd send to them

Do not share bank details. If people prefer to gift cash, they will put cash in the card. If I know the honeymoon destination I usually provide the local currency.

Of course share bank details! No-one wants to bring cash to a wedding. Why wouldn’t you? I went to 2 weddings last year and sent money to both couples in advance. And before anyone says it, it’s not an age thing. One couple are in their 30s & one in their 60s. Cash is so risky.

No.

By the way, no-one can steal money from you just because you’ve shared your details. It’s not “icky” or “grabby” - it’s far easier and more secure for your guests.

It’s not “icky” or “grabby”

it really is…

I’d think bank details is fine others I’d just have to ask. You have a particular goal in mind so you don’t want cheques, or gift cards or cash at the wedding! So it’ll minimise that. Some people still will though.

Don’t give them out initially. But if people come back and ask you then yes I’d share them.

Also remember that on mumsnet anything other than a hen night in the local curry house and a wedding with children that is somehow magical local to everyone with a free bar and no gifts expected is ‘grabby’.

Can’t you use one of those websites that is set up for this purpose? For example here’s a web article reviewing several options. I appreciate that these sorts of sites charge a small fee but it might be worth it to enable your guests to donate securely and allow you to express your thanks.

This is why I don't think the demise of cheques is a good idea. (They are still widely used where I live.)

I wouldn't give bank details unless asked.

Set up a Go Fund Me type page and put a QR code. If done tastefully with other text/graphics could be easy to donate but allows people to leave a message and see total?

My friend set up a honeymoon account with a travel agent and we sent money to that - isn't that a thing anymore? Or set up a quick basic bank account for people to send money to rather than giving out your "main" account details. It isn't grabby, it's convenient!

Actually @Pinkmittens9 if I received that request in a wedding invitation, I'd find it so inappropriate, I'd have a prior arrangement and by cheque I'd send you a token amount of £25 rather than £100 on a gift.

Your house may be stuffed now but will you not need replacement towels/bed linen, glasses, vases, silver, serving dishes, etc, in the fullness of time?

I owned a house when we got married - gifts included nice China, canteen of cutlery, a carving set, silver ladles, bed linens, a set of nice wooden hangers, spendy bins for the receptions and bedrooms, etc.

What's the issue with sending your bank details if that person has specifically asked for them?

Can I ask where you live?

Only given them if asked for. The last 2 weddings I've been to I asked for the bank details in advance

No that would be really wasteful, what we’d love is to go away after the wedding and relax after a really stressful year, and would much rather our loved ones gifted us something for that then excess “stuff”. It’s the same for most couples our age and that’s what I’d expect at other weddings.

France.

Perhaps they would prefer an experience rather than over-consumption of goods they don’t want or need (and the planet can’t afford). Seems rather mean to reduce your contribution by 75% purely because you’d rather go shopping.

@RosesAndHellebores well you are charming.

We didn't put anything on the invites about gifts because it's cringe but people who wanted to give us money either put cash in a card or asked for details - either bank details or PayPal whichever was easier. Quite a few of my friends had my bank details already from holidays etc. Some people gave physical gifts or vouchers. All welcomed and all lovely.

So your wedding gift suggestion is a set of towels for the couple to store (where??) for the future for when their current towels need replacing?

I wouldn't have space to store the kind of stuff you listed in your last paragraph, so it would sit unused gathering dust for a couple of years before I decided the guilt of donating it all was preferable.

I don't think you can say 'we're not expecting gifts' and then include bank details in the invitation - it contradicts itself.