Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

That’s true.

Well thanks for your opinion. Not really very helpful or kind but hey. I’ve found wedding planning a total minefield of how to keep everyone happy, not offend and make it run smoothly.

What do you mean not kind?

Totally kind. It is simple; you and your husband pay for the wedding and honeymoon and guests celebrate with you and bring a gift if they chose.

@RosesAndHellebores I've been with my husband for 20 years and wouldn't want anything from your list. I can't imagine ever being given such stuff, but if I were, it would go to the charity shop.
I don't need towels, I have a vase, I don't use hangers, silver (?) or serving dishes or bins in the toilet.

I think most people use a QR code or link for donations OP. I'd rather a PayPal username as it's a bit less hassle than logging on to my (crap) banking app.

Ha! You'll never keep everyone happy.

We used a honeymoon fund website where people can buy honeymoon experiences like a meal out, cocktails, excursions and the money goes into your bank from the website. It’s nice as guests feel like they’re purchasing something rather than just giving money and they can write a little note as well.

Giving bank details is horribly rude frankly.

No gifts please, your presence is the the present! Anything else is very tacky.

Set up a payment website instead.

Is a wedding list tacky?

Presumably not as Debretts gives advice on them.

https://debretts.com/how-to-make-a-wedding-list/

@BlackStrayCat meow.

No a wedding list is not tacky @BigDahliaFan.

Your honeymoon you pay for it.
You want a honeymoon you pay for it.
Dont get others to fund what you want their not going.

You do know that by the time the wedding happens, the honeymoon is already booked and paid for right? When people suggest honeymoon contributions it's usually just cash towards a meal or drinks or an experience there?

Apparently it's polite to prefer silver ladles. Because that certainly isn't a needless waste of anyone's money.

I would say we're looking to book a holiday with tui (or whoever) so they can get vouchers

I think the reason it's sounding a bit off is because of the mention of gifts. You just don't mention gifts at all on the invitation. People then give whatever they like or want to give. I mean it would be really bad form to turn up to a wedding without a gift whatever it might be. Like I said here in Ireland it's almost always money that's given as a gift . That's the cultural norm here. It isn't tacky it's just how it's done. I remember a friends sister getting a wedding gift list about twenty years ago and we all thought it was the maddest thing we'd ever heard. I appreciate things are different in England but surely to god no one is actually going to give toasters and things like that as a wedding present in this day and age.

That's nice!

Trailfinders do a wedding gift thing ... you just send a link by email

You will not keep everyone happy.

Just make sure people are well fed and watered, and try not to be a bridezilla.

Beyond that, most people will be happy and the few people who aren't would always have found something to be unhappy about.

My friend set up a Qr code and put that in with the invites collectionpot.com
I think that's a good way to do it

my friend asked for money donations towards her honeymoon instead of physical gifts and I actually prefer it. Easier than wondering what to get someone, and you can just give as much as you can afford. We scanned a QR code which she included on the invitation and it was quick and simple and we didn’t need to worry about buying, wrapping and bringing a gift to the wedding.

I think it is cheeky as it is often more expensive to send money than buy a gift.

If you can't afford a honeymoon, don't go. Cheeky to expect guests to subsidise it.

I feel like honeymoon is polite way to suggest money at a wedding. I feel like people would be more upset if they asked to contribute towards a house deposit or towards investing in stocks. Honeymoon is just an accepted concept wventhough the couple has already paid off Honeymoon and is likely to use the money towards something else.

I don't understand why people are happy to give a gift and indeed 'would never turn up empty handed' but not a contribution towards a honeymoon.

The effect is the same either way. The guest is giving the bride and groom 'something' that costs them money. But somehow, etiquette dictates that a set of towels that they don't need is fine, but the same amount as cash/vouchers is completely inappropriate despite being much easier all round.

Why is cash more expensive than a gift? Just send in cash what you would spend on a gift?

I assume she means the classy wedding or tacky wedding comment.

Yes, it's quite odd.