Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

Not the boxes I've seen.😅 I've seen large post box style boxes. Anyone trying to do a runner with them would be spotted the second they lift it off the floor.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom. True. My mum always says she doesn't feel safe giving out her bank details so she gives a cheque instead.

I possibly got it the wrong way round.

I only ever give money as a wedding present. This is because I think that is what most people want and I am really hopeless with presents. If it is a close relative, I ring up and ask for the bank details a couple of weeks before. The last 2 weddings I have been to there has been an online site to contribute money for the honeymoon to.
I have a friend from abroad and in their culture large cash gifts are given at weddings. Someone always has the job of guarding the white envelopes in a big bag.
I think giving bank details is fine. I would prefer it.

Well as you say, if she's giving a cheque she's giving out her bank details.

But you can't do anything with someone else's bank details except pay money into the account, so it's perfectly safe.

When I say I wouldn't provide my bank details in lieu of a wedding list, it's not because I'm worried about the security aspect of people knowing my bank details. It's because I'd be worried about people finding it grabby and tacky.

No, I mean as the bride I wouldn't give my bank details because it screams "give us money!"

Not because I'm worried about what someone might do with my bank details. The only thing they can do with my bank details is pay me money.

I wouldn’t share bank details unless asked. I went to someone’s wedding who put bank details on their wedding invitations. I thought it was quite crass and I was embarrassed for them.

We did the same. Many people just put a cheque or cash in an envelope, but some did say they'd prefer to transfer it directly, so asked for the details by text or in person before the day.

We set up a joint savings account to give the details of and that's the account we paid the cheques and cash into also.

We worded it similarly to you, mostly because we were concerned that if we didn't say something we'd be fielding calls of "do you have a gift list?", "what can we get you?". We said something like

"Your presence at our wedding is what is most important to us, but if you would like to give a gift, a contribution towards our honeymoon would be much appreciated."

Some people gave us presents an gift vouchers for a meal or day out, but most people gave us some money. Some people didn't give anything, which was absolutely fine - I genuinely meant I wasn't expecting people to give anything. We had our wedding close to where we lived, but most people were travelling or staying over, so I was conscious that those that were coming had already spent money to be there.

The way I see it, you either want a gift or you don't.

I had that exact wording at a wedding I went to.last year. Going to the wedding had cost a fortune, which they acknowledged. But to say "you don't have to buy me anything but if you want to here's my bank details " just felt wrong to me, like they were hedging their bets.

I didn't give anything but then felt guilty as they hot enough for a very swanky honeymoon which they thanked 'everyone' for on a group chat

Only any use if you're certain that the B&G go on package holidays (or that Tui fly from their local airport to enough destinations that they'd be interested in going to). TUI gift cards would be completely wasted on me, as we book all our holidays as flights/accomm separately, and have never flown TUI (when I book flights I look at a number of airlines and airports and TUI have never even made it to the list of possible options).

Only give high value gift cards for a specific company if you're absolutely certain that the B&G can make good use of them.

You could use something like this.

https://www.mrandmrssmith.com/shop?utmcontent=brand&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADp6NkVMnr3C-JYspA366mOUMqLf&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4fi7BhC5ARIsAEV1Yibu7toyTzM3G8CINFiBsFoo1OO4ve-hg4XPNBXpd5CByyBRgi96OYaAgQxEALww_wcB

Does it need to be that black or white though? Yes gifts are kind and generous (same as for Xmas birthdays baby shower etc), they aren’t mandatory and there isn’t judgement about whether they’re given or not. But traditionally people do tend to do wedding gifts, and I’ve always gifted at wedding, so I don’t think it’s in bad taste to make a suggestion of what for. I’d want to give a gift that would be helpful and appreciated. I’d be more than happy giving a gift of cash towards a friend or relative’s honeymoon, or something else and would enjoy seeing photos or hearing from them about how much they enjoyed it. I like to think the people we’ve invited like and care about us and might feel the same.
That’s aside from the bank details thing (which we’re not going to do!) but in general re gifts and money.

For the love of all things good, don’t do a request for cash masquerading as a twee poem. Really sets my teeth on edge and results in me giving far less than I would have otherwise.

No poem here 🤣

We got married 14 years ago and used a website for this purpose. Everyone was happy to donate for our honeymoon and thought it was a good idea rather than house things we already have. We did make it clear that gifts were not expected, but a contribution would be gratefully received. Lots of websites out there now that are simple and easy to set up and use.

I'm not from the UK and here it is the norm to include bank details in the invite with some bs about "your presence is a gift but if you want to donate towards out honeymoon" etc.
People don't bring stuff anymore as gifts in general so of there is nothing on the invite people will bring cash. And it is a lit easier ot have it on an account than having envelopes left on the table. However, it is still acceptable to bring a physicsl gift or a gift card.

Weddings are so awkward. For some reason it’s now the norm to say we don’t really want gifts but if you wish to then gift us money for the honeymoon (everyone knows that just means please give us cash but this way is ‘polite’).

I would then have to go out of my way to get cash out to put in a card, for the bride and groom to go out of their way to then pay the cash into their bank.

I personally would love the bank details to be there as it would save a lot of messing around. I would include it in the Q and A part of the website or in a follow up. ‘We have been asked by a lot of people for our bank details they are xxxx. We really appreciate help towards the honeymoon but please don’t feel obligated your presence is the best gift’ or some wedding verse.

I got married in 2023 and we were the same. We said we didn't expect any gifts but if people wanted to contribute to our honeymoon that would be lovely. A few people then asked for our bank details, so we gave them directly. The rest of the gifts came in the form of cash and a couple of cheques.

It was fun opening all our cards and making a nice fat deposit into our bank account!

I happily gift cash at weddings. If I were to gift a large amount then I'd probably ask directly for bank details.

Saying you don't want a gift and then providing your bank details makes it pretty damn clear that you do want money.

It's like saying you don't want any dinner then sitting at the table knife and fork in hand.

So would I. Easier.

That is very black and white. We said no gifts (2nd wedding for him, many of the same people who probably rolled their eyes thinking 'god, not again'.) But some people still did give gifts...which was lovely. That was their choice. We got a lot of bottles of champagne.

Ugh I wouldn't ! I remember dp relative saying " cold hard cash is preferred " on their wedding invitation ! Tacky and grabby !

I am early 50s. With a young teen (for context.)

I seriously would not want to come to the wedding. Vulgar. I definitely would not pay towards your honeymoon "because you did not want gifts" (except you definitely did)

@whiteroseredrose love your idea of a wine list. Lovely.

We’ve never said “we don’t want gifts”.

Wine list is a lovely idea but we’re trying to cut down on drinking.

I imagine the idea is they are special wines you store and drink over time.

It basically comes down to classy wedding or tacky wedding.

God really