Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

@SparkyBlue
I'm in Scotland and very common to put cash in the wedding card, no idea why MN find gifting cash so awful.
As for this I owned a house when we got married - gifts included nice China, canteen of cutlery, a carving set, silver ladles, bed linens, a set of nice wooden hangers, spendy bins for the receptions and bedrooms, etc
silver ladles and wooden hangers? no thanks, sounds like a gift list from 1965!

None of that explains why people think they have the right to ask for money. If they don't want the gifts then they are not obliged to keep them.

Exactly. And to be fair to the OP she did say in her OP that they had already said they're not expecting gifts.

I always want to give something - it's part of the celebration.

what a lovely thoughtful idea!

We got all that stuff when we got married as well. Its still unused (or very rarely used for 'special' occasions) taking up a huge amount of storage in the spare room a decade later. Though the ludicrously expensive food processor we were gifted is in daily use and was the best present ever.

See, I wouldn't mind wooden hangers or really nice white fluffy towels as a gift.

But wooden hangers are 5 for £1 from IKEA, and towels are a bulky gift that the guests won't want to carry to the venue and the couple might struggle to transport home with them (especially if they're going straight on their honeymoon).

Bed linen is obviously a terrible idea which only people getting married in the 1970s when everyone had s small double and their wood chip wallpaper was so ugly that it really didn't matter whether the duvet cover matched their walls could appreciate.

@Pinkmittens9 mske sure you have somewhere for guests to put cards with money that is secure. I know of more than one instance of cards being lifted by opportunistic casual wait staff looking to make some extra money. In one instance it was quite embarrassing as the guest mentioned to a family member some months later that they’d never been thanked for what was apparently a sizeable cash gift, it was only then the couple realised that the envelope must’ve been taken and there was nothing to be done about it.

How about just ‘no gifts’ but if anyone wants to, a donation to your chosen charity (and you can add a QR or link).
Then pay for the honeymoon yourselves.

Use With Joy website. No fees for you or guests. We set up experience funds guests could contribute towards via PayPal. For example, "a private beach dinner under the stars". All the money went to the same pot behind the scenes for us to use as we saw fit.

The honeymoon contributions were pitched as completely optional, but every single one of our 150+ guests contributed very kindly and generously. We've had our own home together over a decade and would have rather people got us nothing than 100+ bits of crockery or bedsheets or picture frames as for us it would be a total waste.

The earlier comment about "well you will need to replace stuff in the future" is bonkers - I'm not jam packing my house full of stuff I might need in 5 years when I have no idea what my taste/needs will be then. Me or DH could get hit by a bus tomorrow - I'm confident the majority of (sensible) guests would want to to ensure you benefit from their gift in the here and now.

I'm in Ireland, everyone I know has Revolut, so once they have your phone number they can send money to you.
I wouldn't in a million years put my bank details on an invite or a reminder, it's grabby.
If they don't want to give cash they can simply ask you to send your bank details themselves.

My friend's daughter got married recently, I sent some money via her bank, I just asked her mum to send me the bank details. Someone on the day gave the bride £250 in cash, which she gave her mum to keep in her handbag. The cash vanished, even though the mum only turned her back on the bag for a few minutes. Cash is very risky!

This

It's in incredibly poor taste to supply bank details. It smacks of paying for the wedding.

I agree with @RosesAndHellebores that it would encourage me to give a smaller amount. If not asked I'd gift £30-100 cash depending on closeness, so random family friends and work colleagues get£30 to £50 cash and family and close friends get £100.

If given bank Details I think I'd be inclined to not bother. It's so rude. It'll be a drop in the ocean and the couple will just be counting their money coming in. Awful.

I also think it's rude to say you have everything you need and ask for payment towards a holiday. I know everyone does it now but it's still poor poor taste. Everyone knows a gift would be nice. Even "no boxed gifts" is better than cloying sentiments about how you've got everything for your house. It makes me think if you've got everything then you don't need anything else and certainly don't need a holiday. Perhaps people should make do with IKEA plates until they get married, save for their own holidays, then ask for good quality lifetime gifts that people actually want to give.

Just designate a sober trustworthy family member to collect cards with cash and store them safely. Don't ask outright amd people will get the message.

I'm not understanding why people think cash is that risky. It's the norm at every Irish wedding and there could be a couple of hundred in each card. The B&G either assign someone trustworthy to collect the cards or else set up a box to leave cards in, job done!

Not sure if it has been mentioned, but TUI do gift cards.

Just say that as you have Already got a house set up you don't need "things" if people would like to give a gift it would be helpful to gift cash that we can put towards our future. There is absolutely no expectation, your presence is the best gift we could receive

The last wedding I went to they said no presents but if you want to contribute to our honeymoon that would be much appreciated (or words to that effect). So I just posted money in a nice card. Money on the day would be a faff for the recipients and rather late to use for its intended purpose.

Totally agree. Totally tacky. Tacky to ask for money but way too tacky to then provide bank details:

See, I think asking people to donate to charity is weird. People spend time choosing which charities to support and being asked to donate to a specific one important to the B&G? Weird. Surely if I gift them £50 they can then donate it to whatever charity they prefer.

I agree! And this is the only case where I would actually buy the B&G an actual gift because I would still feel obliged to get them something, so I'd make a donation and buy them something small... (like a set of wooden hangers)

I've recently received an invitation from a friend (an online invitation, not sure if that's relevant) and under the 'gifts' tab, they simply put details of a bank account named 'x & x Honeymoon'

Anyone (guests or venue staff) can easily take cards out of a box though.

We had a box out but you are very much leaving it to trust. And most people gave us cheques rather than cash.

You are giving your bank details - account number and sort code - and also your signature with a cheque!

I don't know if they still do, but when I lived in the US your address was on your cheques too.

Eh?

The cheque has the giver's bank details on it, not the recipient's.

To pay by bank transfer you need the recipient's bank details.

We had a wine list at Oddbins - that we hoped guests would come and drink with us - and two named charities as alternatives.

Do what you have to do but for the love of God NO POEMS.