Asked for honeymoon contribution as gifts - should we give bank details?

[Pinkmittens9]

In our invitations we said not expecting any gifts but if they want to, then something for our honeymoon would be lovely. Feel awkward even saying that! But I know people usually want to get you something and we’ve already got a house full of “stuff”.
someone asked the other day if we want cash or whether we’ll share our bank details. What’s the done thing? I guess a lot of people don’t do cheques these days and maybe don’t have cash. But does it seem icky to send our bank details? I was thinking of emailing out some final details for the day before the wedding to guests so could include it but I’m really not sure!!

A nephew, slightly dippy, got married. We couldn’t get bank details out of anyone, so dug out a cheque book as did his grandparents. Realised they hadn’t been cashed….got in touch to check they hadn’t been nicked. Turned out that at the age of 26 he’d never seen cheques before and had no idea what to do with them and had thought the money would somehow magically transfer to his account. Not saying OP would have that issue obviously but some younger people have no idea about cheques.

we said no presents. But still got cheques, gifts (mostly very lovely some of the mr and Mrs champagne flute kind). From some people. Not everyone.

colleagues wedding we ended up taking cash in a card (for the honeymoon) I’d much rather have had a website or bank details to send it to than handing over to a best man who was already half cut….

I've given out and received bank details on a small level - eg work collections- never had an issue and whilst it seems risky I'm not sure it actually is risky or how it could be used without further information anyway.
I've also used PayPal though when people prefer not to use bank transfers, maybe that's an option?
If gifting I wouldn't want to be finding a cheque/PO or similar. I don't see the point of collecting future spare towels or cutlery so I think it's fine to be specific and then all the gifts are of value to you.

Yes, we didn't say, "please don't get us stuff" because we knew some people would be offended by that, but we were really counting on most people NOT getting us "stuff". We lived in a 45m² flat at the time and we just had nowhere to put it. The gamble paid off because we just got a handful of really lovely, thoughtful presents from the people who love choosing gifts.

We still have a cheque book for our joint account, not for my solo ones. I'm not sure about DH.
You can still pay cheques in at ATM in the UK, too, although I use my app.
At work or amongst friends, we use bank transfers just for convenience.

I’d avoid putting bank details directly on the invite. Guests who see your note about gifts will reach out if they’d like to transfer something. It feels more personal and less transactional that way.

From my experience (including our own wedding!), being honest about your plans works well. For example, we told our guests we were heading off on our honeymoon the very next day, so they knew a contribution towards our trip would be appreciated. Some even gave us local currency, which was a lovely and practical touch.

You can include a thoughtful note in your invites to gently guide your guests without being too direct. Something like:
“Your presence on our special day is the greatest gift of all,
But if you’d like to bless us in another way,
A small contribution to our honeymoon fund
Would help us create memories under the sun.”

If you’ve been living together for a while, you likely already have the household essentials. Back in the day, couples often married young and set up a home together, so wedding gifts tended to be practical items like pots and pans. These days, many couples already have a well-established home, so gifts that contribute to experiences, like a honeymoon, make more sense and are just as thoughtful. I don’t think cash gifts are grabby at all! Some people put £10 in to the envelope, hardly grabby 😂

This is a lovely idea!!

If this is what you'd expect, how have other weddings you've been to done it?

I just remembered that a pp mentioned giving currency local to where the honeymoon is.

This could be problematic - depends where it is. We have found in recent years that paying by cash in a number of countries isn't always possible.

As a guest, giving cash is the absolute best way to provide a gift (imo). I literally don't have to think about it til the day of the wedding, no worrying about if they already have one, or will get a duplicate, no pressure to buy homeware in their preferred style. All I have to do is buy a lovely card and go to the event via a cashpoint.

Imagine opening a set of random purple bath towels the day after your wedding and thinking "well these are going to look interesting in our yellow bathroom"

Or "shit, must remember to hang that hideous clock every time Aunty Joan comes to visit"

Every single wedding I’ve been to for the last 3 years has had a link to give money for the honeymoon, Prezola or similar. Everyone getting married has been late twenties/early thirties. It’s very simple, I much prefer it to the couple not mentioning it and having to get cash for a card.

It was me, and my daytime wedding gift budget for non family is about £50, so having that much in Euros or Dollars etc is handy for tips / Street markets etc. I'm not burdening them with a weeks spending money in local dosh that they can't spend.

Absolutely not. Be grateful for whatever people choose to gift you. If you put bank details on invitations I don’t think you’ll have many people attending the wedding.

We’ve just given cash in an envelope. It was only someone directly asking if we’ll be sharing our bank details prior to the wedding that prompted me to think. I’m not going to do it, but wasn’t sure after it was suggested if it the “done thing” now.

There is a website called the wedding shop you add requests for money for honeymoon or for for things you may want to do on your honeymoon

Our friends who married last year said "we really do not want a gift other than you to come and share the day, but had a list of honeymoon treats they could enjoy if folks funded them ... Eg snorkelling £25 for two, hot air balloon trip £300, and included £25 donation to mAcmillan ...

Set up a just giving page or something like that and then guests can give annonymously

I wouldn't like to be given bank details, I would stick £20 in the card

If you're not asking for gifts, then don't ask for money either. Sounds grabby.

Whatever you do, don't forget to thank people for the money personally! I have given money twice for weddings and never heard a word back.

In my (Millennial) experience, everyone does it differently.

From memory, I've had people give bank details, ask for gift vouchers for the travel company they were using for their honeymoon, and ask for no gifts at all.

Our approach has always been that if the couple are French we give a cheque, if they're in the UK and they have any specific requests we do as they ask, otherwise it's cash in a card.

I think that most people in their 20s and 30s will have not given it too much consideration until they are getting married themselves, when they start to wonder if it's OK to give bank details like Sarah and Dave did, or whether that would offend Auntie Irene.

Re cheques - in France some people pay at the supermarket with them too!

If you don't need any more stuff, I think it's vulgar to ask for donations to your honeymoon. You should pay for that yourselves.

I would put on the invites - In lieu of gifts we respectfully request a small donation to 'Happy Henry's Pig Sanctuary'.

Or whatever charity you prefer.

Would TUI vouchers etc work or were you planning to book things individually?

What is it with people asking for money, it's awful. If you don't need gifts then say no gifts.

Fair enough. Would be an issue sometimes if everyone gave local currency but that sounds good.

Because it's a wedding, most people will want to bring a gift, and if you say "no gifts please" you can guarantee that there will be a corner of the room full of boxed gifts that the couple may not want, and the people who took the "no gifts" instruction seriously will feel like shit.