Two unaffordable weddings whilst on maternity leave - help!

[AJC1995]

Next June I have two of the biggest weddings of my life (aside from my own) - my best friend’s and my brother’s. I am MOH for my friend and a bridesmaid for my SIL to be. My brother is getting married in Canada as his future wife is Canadian and my best friend is getting married near her home town about 3 hours away from me. This June I gave birth to our first child so I will still be on maternity leave next year, and not getting paid by that point, for the weddings next year.

The baby was conceived before either my brother or friend were even engaged so their weddings were not a consideration to us. Particularly for my brother, he is a huge commitment-phobe so we were very surprised he even proposed and they live in Bali so had no indication they would choose to get married in her home country, not his (being honest, her family are all very wealthy so we also assumed they’d factor that in when choosing location and not expect our very working class family to pay to travel/stay). We therefore had planned financially for my maternity leave but did not plan to have to go to Canada for a week (which will cost at least £2k) and on top of that attend my friends wedding and me attend her hen do. Baby is not invited to my friend’s wedding so we are also having to pay for my parents to stay nearby with baby to look after her whilst we are at the wedding as I have to be there for 2 nights, again without baby being invited (they don’t live near us now to have her at home). The hen do my friend is planning is a weekend away in the Cotswolds and will probably be at least £500 each. We are saving as much as we can but our maternity leave saving plan included the time I would be pregnant and 6 months full pay postpartum so haven’t been able to save much else to avoid going into the red whilst I’m on stat pay and not being paid.

I am in a position where, because of being on maternity leave and having a young baby, we simply do not have enough money to do it all. Obviously it is not the fault of either my brother or friend that I am in this position but I don’t know what to do. It is horrendous timing. Any advice on how to handle this? I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for, just really stressing!

People worry so much about disappointing people they love but surely that depth of feeling should go both ways.

This with bells on. There have been so many threads where bridezillas and/or their family members (and sometimes groomzillas) fall out with family/friends who can't afford to travel to some far away location.

It's the whole "it's your wedding, so you have the right to expect it to be exactly as you wish" that the wedding industry has foisted on whole generations of couples and that many have swallowed whole. It's a ridiculous notion anyway, but especially noxious when that involves expecting guests to go into debt or exhaust their savings to go.

People worry so much about disappointing people they love but surely that depth of feeling should go both ways.

So very true!

One option could be to go back to work a month earlier but tag your accrued annual leave on the end of your maternity leave, so your last month is paid.

Tbh though if I was a family member having a wedding abroad I would fully expect people would tell me they couldn't go due to cost, and as you are on ML, I would definitely not expect this. So just don't go and don't stress it!!

Great sound advice… i second this.