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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
Diaria · 10/12/2023 13:50

Seems quite straightforward to me.

4 months ago you had only been a fixture for 8 months which is relatively casual.

I wouldn’t consider someone around that long to be in the family…. Definitely wouldn’t have them as a bridesmaid, absolutely not.

At a year, it’s more stable, especially if you have got engaged or the engagement is more long standing.

To have Fiancé’s sibling’s random casual girlfriend of a few months as a bridesmaid would be odd. Not picking you sooner pretty sensible…. Now clearly your position is one of permanency hence you are included.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/12/2023 13:52

You’re SO unreasonable to expect to be a part of the wedding party just because you’re engaged to her brother and damn lucky to be invited to the wedding at all given your demanding and attention seeking behaviour! She’s a better person than me!

forgotmyusername1 · 10/12/2023 13:57

You expressed disappointment to your fiance that he has a role in the wedding and you don't. He has clearly had a word to his family and you have been invited to be a bridesmaid to keep the peace as otherwise he will feel obliged to step down from his role to keep you happy.

Either accept and keep to the sidelines or politely decline (although that is likely to cause further friction). You are not a main player here.

If you feel like you are an afterthought it is because it is the truth. Either accept that or decline the invite

On another note just to make it clear. At this wedding I would recommend you not do any of the below if you want to have good relations with your future inlaws

Wear white
Wear something resembling a wedding dress in an alternative colour
If you choose not to be a bridesmaid do not wear a dress in the same colour scheme as the bridesmaids
Announce a pregnancy
Make it about your own wedding plans.
Demand to sit at the top table. If you are it is a bonus
Insist your parents get an invite.

Floppyelf · 10/12/2023 14:00

This must be a troll post or an AI. If you’re neither…. Are you off your meds?

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 10/12/2023 14:02

You are so unreasonable! Why would you expect a place in the wedding? She's clearly only asking you to be bridesmaid to appease you. The poor bride, you are ruining what should be a lovely time for her.

JudgeJ · 10/12/2023 14:20

ThomasinaLivesHere · 10/12/2023 12:52

I hope I’m never asked to go dress shopping with anyone as it sounds dull. I hate shopping for myself so for someone else it’s just not going to be my thing.

Oh, I so agree, I didn't realise that buying a frock needed a cast of many, surely you go, try some on and buy what you want , then go and do something more interesting! Inviting all and sundry only encourages them to have and express an opinion when in reality the only opinion that matters is your own!

trickybossmbe · 10/12/2023 14:23

You're not just being unreasonable, you're being totally ridiculous.

You mention eloping. Have you invited her to your wedding? Has she helped you chose your dress? If the answer is no to both these things then this might just be why you weren't asked to be a bridesmaid or invited to the dress fitting.

pinkyredrose · 10/12/2023 14:42

trickybossmbe · 10/12/2023 14:23

You're not just being unreasonable, you're being totally ridiculous.

You mention eloping. Have you invited her to your wedding? Has she helped you chose your dress? If the answer is no to both these things then this might just be why you weren't asked to be a bridesmaid or invited to the dress fitting.

Off topic but how can you invite someone to an elopement?

trickybossmbe · 10/12/2023 14:47

pinkyredrose · 10/12/2023 14:42

Off topic but how can you invite someone to an elopement?

Show quote history

Exactly.

OP is something of a hypocrite given she has no plans to involve her fiancé's sister with her own wedding.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 10/12/2023 14:53

Christ. This is like some crappy melodrama made up by a 13 year old who has had a bump on the head.

PinkLemons99 · 10/12/2023 14:59

Just here for the deletion message….

Zanatdy · 10/12/2023 15:00

I wouldn’t ask the girlfriend of 1yr to my brother to be my bridesmaid no. I also wouldn’t invite her to look at dresses. She’s asked you out of guilt because of these comments, so yeah I wouldn’t want to be a late comer as the person felt guilty

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/12/2023 15:01

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/12/2023 22:25

I really don't understand your position at all. Why on earth would you even expect to go dress shopping with her let alone be upset? Someone has made her ask you because of how ridiculous you're acting. Leave her alone.

This.

It's not your wedding OP - FFS, keep out of it!

SirVixofVixHall · 10/12/2023 15:02

You have been together for only 12 months and you think it is odd that her brother is part of the wedding party and not you ? That is expecting too much, she barely knows you. You aren’t her sister in law, you are a very recent partner of her brother.

thebestinterest · 10/12/2023 15:12

😂 op it’s her wedding… you can say “no” if you feel offended that you’re only just now being asked…

jelly79 · 10/12/2023 15:23

You expressed disappointment about not going wedding dress shopping? Is she even invited to your wedding

Your BF will likely get photos without you it's ok surely?

I can't bare the word fiancé

DottieMoon · 10/12/2023 15:36

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

Show quote history

I think it’s you who needs to relax.

You sound like very hard work. Complaining that you’re were not included and then complaining when they include you. Why are you making it all about you.

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 10/12/2023 15:37

I agree with @tdino . ‘I would love you to stand next to me as a sister’ is a long way from ‘please would you be one of my bridesmaids.’

Anyway love peace harmony and all that.

RealBigBarbie · 10/12/2023 15:46

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/12/2023 13:52

You’re SO unreasonable to expect to be a part of the wedding party just because you’re engaged to her brother and damn lucky to be invited to the wedding at all given your demanding and attention seeking behaviour! She’s a better person than me!

Right! You clearly wanted more involvement and now the offer is available (because someone probably dropped out) you want to decline the offer. So did you want to be more involved or not?

RealBigBarbie · 10/12/2023 15:48

I also don’t think that being with someone for 12 month means that you should automatically be apart of the bridal shower. That’s just my opinion anyway

Devon23 · 10/12/2023 15:55

Maybe they were hoping he'd dump you by then? You do know it's her wedding day and not yours don't you?

Changedmymind99 · 10/12/2023 15:56

Get a grip OP.
Could you be any more needy and selfish?

If I was the bride I would keep you well away.

momonpurpose · 10/12/2023 17:11

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 10/12/2023 13:52

You’re SO unreasonable to expect to be a part of the wedding party just because you’re engaged to her brother and damn lucky to be invited to the wedding at all given your demanding and attention seeking behaviour! She’s a better person than me!

Being upset you were not part of the wedding dress shopping is odd. Then to have the conversation is making something about you that wasn't. It's her wedding. I'd be so embarrassed if I had done this. I'm sure things will be very awkward for a long time.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 17:40

Bellyblueboy · 10/12/2023 13:18

I often wonder what sort of people create this type of drama.

I cannot imagine ever being disappointed at not being invited to go wedding dress shopping!

I agree with others you have made this wedding about you.

I have seen this play out. You could be the type who is offended you aren’t the first to be told she is pregnant. Want to be the first visitor to the hospital. Annoyed you aren’t in every wedding picture: want to be ‘given your place’.

stop this nonsense now before you create a family rift. Let the relationship develop into whatever it will be. You do t have special status in this woman’s life.

as for the bridesmaid invite. Accept graciously. You weren’t her first pick - it will be a bit awkward. But the alternative it to say no and cause more drama.

she has probably had her mum in her ear - your brother wants his new wife to be in the wedding party. Be a good girl and keep everyone happy - this isn’t just about you etc etc.

poor bride - you haven’t really gotten off on a good foot. No more drama - the other bridesmaids will already think you are a bit of a princess.

When I went bridal dress shopping with SIL, it was unplanned (from my POV!) and I think just me and her DM there, no one else… SIL and her DM had a tendency to row and storm off away from each other on shopping trips so I may have been there as peacekeeper! SIL tried on the first dress and didn’t want to try on any others so that was a relief!

When I went bridal dress shopping with my best friend in New Jersey (David’s for anyone interested), it was me, chief bridesmaid and her DM. I was travelling from England to USA for the wedding. My friend had already chosen her dress presumably with her chief BM and DM, but wanted to check it fitted (she’d had it altered) and just to ensure it was the one. She also had a testing relationship with her DM who loved shopping (my friend hated it!) but as her DP’s were paying for the wedding (including the dress) had to have her DM along. A few years after she got married she fell out with the chief BM and now they don’t speak.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 17:41

Devon23 · 10/12/2023 15:55

Maybe they were hoping he'd dump you by then? You do know it's her wedding day and not yours don't you?

Oooh harsh, but probably true!

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