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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
MagicFarawayTea · 12/12/2023 20:21

Jesus, get over yourself love. Perhaps focus on improving your basic literacy skills instead of shoehorning yourself into someone else’s wedding.

BooBooDoodle · 12/12/2023 20:21

You’ve been with your partner a year and acting like you’ve been with him 10 years. I’d get over yourself. Wedding planning usually involves the close friends and family. You can’t expect to be the forefront of the brides mind when she’s only known you a short time surely? Time for you to take a backseat and be glad of an invite.

bananamangoes · 12/12/2023 20:42

are you for real?

get a grip woman

Lemondoughnut · 12/12/2023 21:05

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

Your fiance is the bride's brother, of course they asked him to be a groomsman. I know you're getting a bit of a battering on here but what you're saying doesn't make any sense at all. If you don't want to cause unnecessary friction you'll have to take a step back and understand that you are a relatively new (possibly future) addition to this family.

Angrycat2768 · 12/12/2023 21:12

LovelyIssues · 12/12/2023 18:42

I wouldn't expect to be the bridesmaid of someone I've only known a year. Let alone someone who isn't a "friend". I think you're over thinking it. I also wouldn't accept her asking me now.

I mean she's expecting to be the bride of someone she's only known a year!

Moglet4 · 12/12/2023 21:41

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

Show quote history

You can’t have it both ways. You were either suggesting that you wanted to be part of the wedding party or you were suggesting that you didn’t want your brother to be. That’s the only way you can square the ‘feeling did that he’s in the wedding party and you’re not’. Either way doesn’t reflect well on you, I’m afraid. Either you’re very young and naive or you’re completely unreasonable and self-centred.

Zerosleep · 12/12/2023 22:27

@DisforDarkChocolate totally agree! How childish of you OP.

Anele22 · 12/12/2023 22:28

I think you’re getting a really hard time here, OP. You don’t deserve that pile on. I think as she’s got to know you and appreciate that you’re definitely sticking around in her brother’s life she’s decided she’d like you to be part of the wedding party. If you want to do it then I think you should accept graciously and enjoy the day.

pollymere · 13/12/2023 00:22

Be grateful that you've been asked to join the wedding party. Why all the entitled ingratitude?

Mumof3PrettyBoys · 13/12/2023 04:24

No, i wouldnt feel weird with my fiance's sister asking her brother to be in the wedding but not me because she hardly knows me - like what makes you so privilaged to even feel funny about that?! She's very very lovely to even ask you to be anything after the terrible twos tantrum you sound like you've thrown over HER wedding - and probably to HER brother too!! Wonder how long before your fiance realises how much of a highly annoyingly spoilt brat you are!!

YourWinter · 13/12/2023 07:59

Grow up. It baffles me that anyone has adult bridesmaids anyway - surely all those women would rather sit with their own partners and wear their own outfits than have to suck up to the bride’s whims but come on. You’re behaving like a 10 year old.

EC22 · 13/12/2023 10:46

You should decline.
she feels forced to because of your behaviour.
time to reflect and grow up a little.

Blondebrunette1 · 13/12/2023 14:23

I had my brother's girlfriend (of 10 years) as my BM and she's centre of all my family photos, they broke up a year later and sadly we no longer speak. I had my SIL also, she didn't have me but I never felt offended, and we are close I'd say.

A year as part of their family is not long, you're not blood related and you will likely still be in a large proportion of the family photo's. Being a couple but not both part of the "wedding party" isn't that strange. I mean, If your husband was best man for a friend you wouldn't expect to be a bridesmaid for his wife you barely know, would you? You definitely wouldn't expect to be present at the dress shop, surely?

This is the start of your family forming, just relax a little I'd advise. Tell your sil to be, she doesn't need to have you as her BM, you're excited to be part of her day as a guest and just be supportive. It's not odd she's changed her mind, she's likely being kind and doing it for you and her brother, which is a nice thing. I'd say you're lucky and will have a great relationship in future. Ps please don't be petty and not have her as a BM as sister of the groom because she didn't have you.

YerArseInParsley · 13/12/2023 17:19

This post comes across as needy. You don't get to be involved just because your partner is and why did you think you would get an invite to go wedding dress shopping? You are only her brothers partner, unless yous are very close and the plot twist is she's been your best friend for the past 10 years.

You mentioned your partners sister has included her partners sister in the wedding, that's her Fiancé's sister, the guy that's actually getting married, of course his sister will be in the wedding party. You are different, it's your partners sister that's getting married therefore he's included in the wedding party as its HIS SISTER that's getting married, you are no relation to the bride or the groom.

When you get married your fiances sister can be in the wedding party as it's your fiances sister. See the pattern?

As to why you've been asked to be a bridesmaid, you will need to ask the bride why you've suddenly been asked. Maybe someone dropped out or someone put pressure on the bride you won't know until you ask.

YerArseInParsley · 13/12/2023 17:30

SisterMichaelsHabit · 11/12/2023 10:38

Ok so you started dating in what, December?

August: Your boyfriend was asked to be in the wedding party for his sister. You, in a relationship of 8 months, threw your toys out of the pram about not being invited (you've dripfed that you "only" said this to your boyfriend but it's very clear from your OP where he text his sister demanding you be included in the wedding party that you are using him as a flying monkey to get his family to dance to your tune).

October: You were trying for a child with this man 2 months ago and worried about the fact that he doesn't want you to get your hands on his money when any realistic reading of that would be that you are diving headfirst. You said in October you weren't married to him, as I remember. You were happy to let MNers character assassinate him with half a story (more has emerged on this thread) presumably to use as leverage to get him to give you access to all of his money.

December: You're now married to a man you started dating a year ago, have your feet well and truly under the table and are manipulating him and isolating him from his family.

Think the poor bastard needs this: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

Edited

@SisterMichaelsHabit

Jeez, I haven't read through the whole thread but it sounds like more is going on 😬

Humannat · 13/12/2023 18:22

It sounds like you were expecting too much too early and now that she’s got to know you / takes your sensitivities into consideration it’s still not good enough.

you’d been with her brother six months at the time , I would be cautious to plan around you incase you were no longer together by the date.

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