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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
cockadoodledandy · 10/12/2023 18:41

YABU. You’ve only been together a year, she barely knows you. Why would she ask you?

I imagine her others are people she’s known her whole life. Also as your relationship is so new, for all she knows you could have split before her wedding. She needs security of knowing her bridesmaids are all still going to be there come her wedding day.

Sounds like she’s been told to ask you to shut you up. I’d be so embarrassed to accept, knowing everyone knows it’s only because I’m a drama queen who has to be involved in everything.

Further, if you’re eloping, I assume she won’t be involved in your wedding. What makes you think she’d want you at hers in return?

Humbugg · 10/12/2023 18:49

This is mental.

This is not how bridesmaids work at all. It’s not tit for tat. It’s who you want to be your bridesmaids, it’s the brides choice

Fuckmylife6 · 10/12/2023 20:15

I just don’t get where you’re coming from. She’s your partners brothers partner, why would you be so involved in her wedding? My husband has 3 brothers, I wasn’t invited dress shopping or as a bridesmaid or anything to do with any of them, my husband was best man for 2 of them. You know she’s only asked you because you made a thing of it. I feel sorry for the bride that you’ve made her feel like she has to involve like this.

Mommabearof8 · 10/12/2023 20:17

Jesus Mary and Joseph! How bloody entitled and immature this makes you sound. It’s NOT YOUR WEDDING!

give your head a massive wobble

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2023 20:44

She’s your partners brothers partner, why would you be so involved in her wedding?

Exactly! It’s relatively common for brides to have their partner’s sisters for bridesmaids because they’re a direct relation to one of the people getting married but not their brother’s partners. You’re not a relation to her.

My DH chose my sister’s partner to be one of his groomsmen because they’re actually friends. Not because my BIL kicked up a fuss.

MrsMarzetti · 10/12/2023 20:45

Wow. You really have over stepped the mark.

Isittimeforbedyetsos · 10/12/2023 21:26

You would still be included in the family photos even if not a bridesmaid - just not the wedding party ones
not everyone is included in every photo

Mumof2girls2121 · 10/12/2023 21:45

I wouldn’t have asked you at all! Bridesmaids are the brides family and friends not some woman your brothers been with 8 months

DustyLee123 · 11/12/2023 08:29

YABVU

Lobelia123 · 11/12/2023 08:30

You're nuts. I would far rather go as a guest, be able to wear an outfit and shoes of my choice and be comfortable and relaxed - no duties, no schedule, able to kick back with a glass of champagne and have an awesome evening. You really sound like hard work.

PrinceHaz · 11/12/2023 08:36

The only time you should have an expectation about your role in a wedding is if you’re the ones getting married or if you’ve been given a role/invitation then had it removed at your inconvenience. Otherwise, you’re wasting your energy being put out. Their decisions are none of your business.

wherethewildtbingsgo · 11/12/2023 08:37

You are being so unreasonable I'm cringing for you. I bet your future in laws and future sister in law are finding you so difficult. I've got two sister in laws and wasn't invited to be a BM for either of them. I didn't expect it and wasn't in the least bit offended. Deep down I would have liked to have been BM for my brothers wife as we have a good relationship but what I certainly did not do is voice that to anyone. I actually can't believe you have got your fiancé to moan to his family that you weren't invited to the dress fitting. You sound so selfish and self absorbed. This seriously is not a good way to ingratiate yourself into your new family. I seriously feel sorry for your future SIL who has probably been quite stressed and upset by your behaviour.

peachgreen · 11/12/2023 08:42

The second-hand cringe this thread gave me…

PrinceHaz · 11/12/2023 08:42

The only way that I can see you could be slightly victimy in this is if she’s asked you to be a bridesmaid because someone else has dropped out. That’s a bit embarrassing. Exceedingly more likely is, because of the fuss you’ve made (which could easily have got back to her, despite you saying it’s unlikely), she’s felt compelled to ask you. That’s also very embarrassing.

PrinceHaz · 11/12/2023 08:47

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 10:48

yes, but the conversation i had with my fiance was 1 convo and it was 4 months ago, so it just seems odd. i think someone did drop out, or, the fiances brother has just got a new girlfriend so i think she has probablty included her tooo.

Show quote history

You are seriously underestimating the effect that one such convo could have on a potentially anxious, people pleasing bride to be.

BlueMongoose · 11/12/2023 08:49

Why on earth did you expect to be a bridesmaid or hep her choose wedding dresses? You're just a brother's GF. Even Groomsman's wife doesn't customarily get asked to be a BM either.
It didn't even occur to me to ask my mother to help me choose a dress. It was just a job I had to do, I'm not fond of frocks at the best of times. I hated all those I saw anyway, so just got crosser all the time, it wouldn't have been fun for anyone (at the time they were all lady di rip-offs- didn't even look good on her, and would make a short person like me look like one of those dolls they put on wedding cakes). Why anyone would want to join in I can't imagine.

TraceyHyde · 11/12/2023 08:52

#NotYourWedding!!! Jesus. Such narcissistic behaviour. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Let the girl have the wedding she wants without making it about you

Loubelle70 · 11/12/2023 08:58

YABU OP.
My ex mum on purpose left me out of family photos..i was with him 5 years...this i feel though is because youve only been together a year..to be married or not. I think his family has been kind to offer albeit a while after everyone else. Id be a bit embarrassed if i was you. Apologise, and say it was unreasonable of you

Pluviophile1 · 11/12/2023 09:09

From your post, you seem intense. I am guessing that she may keep you at arms length because of it. It sounds like she's invited you to be a bridesmaid to placate you.

Butchyrestingface · 11/12/2023 09:11

Your future sister-in-law is very kind. I wouldn't have you within a million miles of me, you absolute me-railer.

Mumof2teens79 · 11/12/2023 09:11

What had changed is that you made her feel guilty and sulked about it and she is a nice person
You have known her brother for 1 years....but you could have been married 50yrs it still wouldn't entitle you to be a bridesmaid.

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2023 09:47

How long have you known her and how long has she known the other bridesmaids, are you really really close, have you asked her to be a bridesmaid for you? She sounds very kind letting you be a bridesmaid, you don't come out of this well.

BungleandGeorge · 11/12/2023 10:02

It’s totally normal for you not to be included even if you were married. It’s a bit odd that you think you should be bridesmaid, the bride chooses those from amongst her friends. Maybe you haven’t been to many weddings. It sounds like you’re planning to marry without any of them even being present so I’m not sure why you would be worried/ complain

pontipinemum · 11/12/2023 10:12

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

Show quote history

"I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. ""

The only time DH and I have both been in the wedding party was at our own wedding! We had 2 bridesmaids/ 2 grooms men. 2 of them were married, not to each other, 1 in a long term relationship. 3 were our siblings, 1 my best friend. It wasn't odd not to have their spouses

If she has asked you now I would guess someone has dropped out. Or worse, I was once a BM, and one of the other BMs passed away before the wedding 😞

Seaweed42 · 11/12/2023 10:12

When did you get engaged?
Because you two were only going out about 6 or 7 months when this wedding was arranged.
The sister wasn't sure her brother would even still be going out with you.

I wouldn't ask my brother's new girlfriend to be a bridesmaid.
If he got engaged to her then maybe yeah I'd consider it.

Nor would I ask her to the dress shopping because unless you see his family every single weekend for hours on end then they hardly know you.

Have you even had a Christmas with him?

Is this more about your fears about being on your own or not being included in things.

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