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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
Folklore9074 · 10/12/2023 12:31

Sounds like you are looking to be offended. She asked you be gracious, this is what you seem to have been after?

Ladyj84 · 10/12/2023 12:34

Your a drama queen why would you go dress shopping your not close family I didn't wish anyone in the family other than my own sister. Lol my hubby was best man for my brother I wasn't anything and did I care no. It's weird the way your going on

TruJay · 10/12/2023 12:35

I had both SILs as bridesmaids (dh was first sibling to marry), neither of them asked me to be theirs at their following weddings and I was upset but this was after knowing each other several years. Not that they had to ask me just because I had them but it’s always been a case of me trying really hard to be part of the family and always being kept at arms length and/or excluded in return.

At one of their weddings, I was told asked to stand aside during the family photographs as I ‘might not be around forever’ while they took my toddler at the time to have family pics. She’s divorced now and I’m ‘still around’, cowbag!

I wouldn’t have expected to be a bridesmaid in your circumstances having known the bride less than a year. Also don’t think it’s fair the bride has felt badgered into asking you either.

BlueGrey1 · 10/12/2023 12:35

You sound like a lot of hard work, she asked you to be bridesmaid as she felt under pressure to ask you….how can you not understand this!!!!
Why would she ask you to go dress shopping with her , it sounds like you don’t even like her!!
This is HER wedding NOT yours so calm yourself down and stop being an annoying cow.
You seem to lack any kind of self awareness

TheKnittedCharacter · 10/12/2023 12:38

Do people really refer to each other as fiancé?

<misses point> 😂

Anyway, what a load of old nonsense. She’s been told to include you. And it’s clearly an afterthought.

Channellingsophistication · 10/12/2023 12:46

Its her wedding not yours… you sound very immature to be so upset. I repeat its her wedding.

Snowdogsmitten · 10/12/2023 12:46

so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed?

Probably because you’ve made everything she’s done so far about you, and she’s trying to make you stop/being kind to you.

(goes to read the rest of the thread, where I will hopefully find out this is a reverse.)

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 10/12/2023 12:47

You have only been in the family 1 Yr and your getting married, you don't really know him yet.

I suspect one of her bridesmaids dropped out so she added you 🤷‍♀️ who knows, ask her

ThomasinaLivesHere · 10/12/2023 12:52

I hope I’m never asked to go dress shopping with anyone as it sounds dull. I hate shopping for myself so for someone else it’s just not going to be my thing.

Snowdogsmitten · 10/12/2023 12:54

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not

Sounds like the whole family maybe knows what you’re like, and has asked you to minimise you making comments.

TurkeyTrotToXmas · 10/12/2023 12:56
Biscuit
Bloatstoat · 10/12/2023 12:57

Lol, I wasn't even asked to my SIL's wedding, DH and I had been together for about a year at that point but guest list and seat plan were all set much earlier. It wasn't issues then and we've had a good relationship for the past 20 years or so!

tdino · 10/12/2023 12:58

Possibly a local thing but

Does stand next to me as a sister

Mean

Be my bridesmaid?

FlissyPaps · 10/12/2023 13:00

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:09

My fiancé wants her as my bridesmaid.

Does he realise it’s not his decision who you have in your bridal party?

Which is exactly the same as your SIL, it’s her decision who she has in her bridal party. If I were you, I’d just shut up about the whole thing to avoid extra awkwardness and embarrassment.

StaunchMomma · 10/12/2023 13:00

No offence, OP but why are you being so demanding?

This woman's wedding is not about you. Getting upset because you're not invited to wedding dress shopping?!! REALLY?!!

You need to turn down the invitation to be a bridesmaid, NICELY, and let this woman have the wedding she actually wants, not be guilted into making space for you.

Awfully entitled behaviour on your part.

nosleepforme · 10/12/2023 13:01

I feel like you’re changing your story a bit. Your op says you were upset and fiancé text to ask why you didn’t get invited to dress shopping. She apologised
so no, it absolutely wasn’t just one convo between you and fiancé several months back!
youre being a massive pita!
she’s asked. Either graciously accept or be quiet about all the upset. This is her day. Not yours. You’re having your day, and you should enjoy that day/time to be the centre of attention. No sil day.

Sausage1989 · 10/12/2023 13:04

Oh my god this is so so so embarrassing for you. Shes been told that you've kicked off and now asked you to be a bridesmaid to keep you happy. Gosh I have no idea why people act like you have. How utterly embarrassing for you. So what if she didn't ask you to go dress shopping with her!! Why should she!

Bellyblueboy · 10/12/2023 13:18

I often wonder what sort of people create this type of drama.

I cannot imagine ever being disappointed at not being invited to go wedding dress shopping!

I agree with others you have made this wedding about you.

I have seen this play out. You could be the type who is offended you aren’t the first to be told she is pregnant. Want to be the first visitor to the hospital. Annoyed you aren’t in every wedding picture: want to be ‘given your place’.

stop this nonsense now before you create a family rift. Let the relationship develop into whatever it will be. You do t have special status in this woman’s life.

as for the bridesmaid invite. Accept graciously. You weren’t her first pick - it will be a bit awkward. But the alternative it to say no and cause more drama.

she has probably had her mum in her ear - your brother wants his new wife to be in the wedding party. Be a good girl and keep everyone happy - this isn’t just about you etc etc.

poor bride - you haven’t really gotten off on a good foot. No more drama - the other bridesmaids will already think you are a bit of a princess.

JFDIYOLO · 10/12/2023 13:22

🤣This is fake isn't it.

On the off chance it isn't ... Get over yourself! She barely knows you, you ARE on the side and of course you come after her close family and friends.

ShiteRider · 10/12/2023 13:22

I thought this must be a reverse.

OP, you’ve had a hard time but this is because you’re being utterly ridiculous.

Six people wedding dress shopping is massively OTT and must have felt overwhelming. Another on top of that who she’s not known long would have been ridiculous.

As others have said, you were asked to be a bridesmaid to keep the peace probably, either go along with it gracefully or gracefully decline. Whatever you decide to do, don’t make it about you. Your wedding is your chance.

TheAlchemistElixa · 10/12/2023 13:24

Why on earth were you upset at the thought of not being in the photos of SOMEONE ELSE’S wedding? That is the strangest and most self-absorbed thing I’ve ever heard.

thelonghaul · 10/12/2023 13:30

Er, grow up, maybe?. Her wedding. You're a guest. Smile and be happy for her. You have no fixed role/place. Sounds like someone dropped out so she thought she'd be kind and include you in the wedding party. But she didn't have to.

Pumpkinspice13 · 10/12/2023 13:32

Decline the offer, you were not wanted and she is feeling pressured to ask you. If you and your partner split they are stuck with pics of you that they never really wanted. Let her have her day and you have yours.

BrucieBru · 10/12/2023 13:35

No I would not be offended. You are being totally unreasonable!

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 10/12/2023 13:36

This is a non issue. Why on Earth did you feel you were entitled to make any comments about being part of the bridal party when you have only been with the guy for a year?! If this is true, I think you need a bit of a reality check.

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