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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
Hopelesscase32 · 11/12/2023 10:18

This is so embarrassing

SisterMichaelsHabit · 11/12/2023 10:38

Ok so you started dating in what, December?

August: Your boyfriend was asked to be in the wedding party for his sister. You, in a relationship of 8 months, threw your toys out of the pram about not being invited (you've dripfed that you "only" said this to your boyfriend but it's very clear from your OP where he text his sister demanding you be included in the wedding party that you are using him as a flying monkey to get his family to dance to your tune).

October: You were trying for a child with this man 2 months ago and worried about the fact that he doesn't want you to get your hands on his money when any realistic reading of that would be that you are diving headfirst. You said in October you weren't married to him, as I remember. You were happy to let MNers character assassinate him with half a story (more has emerged on this thread) presumably to use as leverage to get him to give you access to all of his money.

December: You're now married to a man you started dating a year ago, have your feet well and truly under the table and are manipulating him and isolating him from his family.

Think the poor bastard needs this: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK

The Men’s Advice Line is for male victims of domestic abuse. We offer confidential advice, non-judgmental support, practical information and help

https://mensadviceline.org.uk

RealBigBarbie · 11/12/2023 10:44

The OP most certainly won’t be back. I genuinely cannot believe someone can be so tone deaf and post this on the internet as if they’re in the right. Very strange

betterangels · 11/12/2023 10:47

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/12/2023 22:25

I really don't understand your position at all. Why on earth would you even expect to go dress shopping with her let alone be upset? Someone has made her ask you because of how ridiculous you're acting. Leave her alone.

Nailed it in one.

Angrycat2768 · 11/12/2023 10:47

Do you feel insecure because you have only been together for a year and are getting married ( you said before they are) and want to be in the family photos permanently? You did make a fuss about not being included in the dress shopping ( a woman the bride barely knows- presumably she has known the fiancés sister for as long as she has known the fiancé?) If I was your fiancé's family, I'd be having a quiet word about him rushing into marrying a woman who makes such a drama out of their daughter's wedding!

R00 · 11/12/2023 11:29

Think people are being a bit harsh, you're entitled to feel how you feel and its OK to feel upset. But I wouldn't be offended, it's not as if you're best friends and you've been excluded. My partner of 6 years (we also have 2 almost 3 kids together) brother recently got married and he was best man, I wasn't a bridesmaid and didn't mind as even though we are pretty much sisters in law, she was under no obligation to make me a bridesmaid and we don't spend much time together anyway. Its her big day. And I was grateful to be given a lovely fresh flower pin to wear and be included in a few photos. Perhaps you could just say thank you for her offering to include you as a bridesmaid but you didn't want to make her feel she had to and you would just really love to be included in a few of the wedding photos with your fiancé?

elliejjtiny · 11/12/2023 11:30

In the nicest possible way this wedding is not about you. My dh was the best man to his brother and I wasn't in the wedding party, not that I expected to be. I was a bit nervous about managing with 2 toddlers, one with SN and pregnant on my own as Mil was being quite evasive about the seating plan at the reception and dh had made it clear that he would be too busy with best man duties to help me with anything. In the end it was fine though as I was sat with dh's grandparents.

Bridesmaids are normally the bride's sisters or best friends or nieces. And wedding dress shopping is for whoever the bride wants an opinion from. I had lots of people help me with wedding dress shopping but only a couple at a time and tbh going on my own was easier.

CheshireCat1 · 11/12/2023 12:08

I think the bride to be is being entirely reasonable, kind, thoughtful and patient.

wherethewildtbingsgo · 11/12/2023 12:21

R00 · 11/12/2023 11:29

Think people are being a bit harsh, you're entitled to feel how you feel and its OK to feel upset. But I wouldn't be offended, it's not as if you're best friends and you've been excluded. My partner of 6 years (we also have 2 almost 3 kids together) brother recently got married and he was best man, I wasn't a bridesmaid and didn't mind as even though we are pretty much sisters in law, she was under no obligation to make me a bridesmaid and we don't spend much time together anyway. Its her big day. And I was grateful to be given a lovely fresh flower pin to wear and be included in a few photos. Perhaps you could just say thank you for her offering to include you as a bridesmaid but you didn't want to make her feel she had to and you would just really love to be included in a few of the wedding photos with your fiancé?

Don't say this about photos. It's just yet another demand that the bride has to consider or accommodate. Also the bride might (quite reasonably) not really want someone she hardly knows and hasn't even been in the family for a year, to be in her wedding photos.

I also don't think people are being harsh. I actually held back a bit in my post...the OP is being totally unreasonable and strange and selfish and entitled.

OP I'm actually surprised you got an invite at all tbh. Lots of people wouldn't invite a new girlfriend to a wedding.

hellsBells246 · 11/12/2023 13:04

I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)
But you have only known your bf for a year. Why should his sister, who presumably you don't know well, want you in her wedding photos or involved in her wedding?

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress
Why were you upset? Again, why should you go with her? Presumably she has friends and family she wanted there?

And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.
No, of course not. You are being presumptous and frankly really odd. You're making her wedding all about you. I'd apologise for being mad, say 'thank you but no thank you' to being a bridesmaid, attend the wedding as as guest (if you're still with your bf then), and have a word with yourself.

I'd love to hear the bride's side of this story.

ondaytwothousand · 11/12/2023 13:30

BM's support the bride and celebrate her and her husband - you just want to be in the pics. Please decline.

nosleepforme · 11/12/2023 13:33

thinkimg about this. Maybe op comes from elsewhere where culturally things go differently. Maybe that’s why all these expectations?

Blueflower1612 · 11/12/2023 15:58

I personally don’t think the bride has done anything wrong. Are you close with the sister? You haven’t been together that long so personally I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited to be a bridesmaid. Especially if your only relationship with her is being with her brother. It’s more important that she has people around her that she is close to. I also wouldn’t expect to go to the dress fitting if I wasn’t a close member of the family/friends group. She is trying to do the right thing and include you as it seems she has been told it has made you upset. I think you should just go enjoy the day as your boyfriends partner (appreciate you maybe married by then).

Simplehi · 11/12/2023 16:06

I wasn't even a bridesmaid at my own sisters wedding let alone the sister of someone you've only been with a year. You may be engaged to her brother but she doesn't owe you anything and doubtfully knows you well enough to have asked you to be a bridesmaid. It's not your wedding, it's hers. Honestly, getting upset that you didn't go with her dress shopping!? How self centred are you.

JudyC26 · 11/12/2023 19:37

Sounds like your fiancé has made her feel guilty. It’s a shame that you showed how disappointed you were. It’s her day and now she’s going to be worried about your feelings.

AuntMarch · 12/12/2023 06:08

Edit: read OPs responses.

My first response said why would you even expect to be bridesmaid. Imagine having a bridesmaid you've known five minutes in your own wedding, the woman is a saint!
But given your replies to others (really isnt how your OP comes across!), but if it really isn't down to your reaction/attitude about it;
You've been together a year, 4 months ago she barely knew you. Maybe now she is more confident you're here to stay and has grown to love you

JuliaJoJelly · 12/12/2023 10:01

So your have known your fiancé a year so you have known her less and yet expect to be in her wedding? How well do you even know her at this point?

I have been married to my husband for over ten years and known his brothers fiancé for ten years and don't expect to be part of their wedding.

Weddings shouldn't be about obligation - it should be about who she wants.

Why are you making it about you?

Tigermearns · 12/12/2023 10:22

This is all ESH, her wedding her choice.
You need to pull your fiance to one side and tell him to not be forcing a relationship between you and his sister either. Can't believe he went questioning her why she didn't take you dress shopping because you felt you should've been included...

Horsemum40 · 12/12/2023 17:56

Dear me, someone seems to think this wedding should be all about them, and not the bride!! Get a grip, OP.

LovelyIssues · 12/12/2023 18:42

I wouldn't expect to be the bridesmaid of someone I've only known a year. Let alone someone who isn't a "friend". I think you're over thinking it. I also wouldn't accept her asking me now.

HolidayAddict23 · 12/12/2023 18:59

You sound batshit crazy! Leave the poor girl alone and let her enjoy her wedding in peace without you pressurising her to muscle in!!!

ToffeeMamma · 12/12/2023 19:01

Personally if I was her I'd be uninviting you not upgrading you
You whined at you Fiancé because you wouldn't be centre if attention in the wedding photos then when she went to try on her dress you had the audacity to think you would be included. Whether you intended to ask her to be yours or not doesn't mean she has to ask you or invite you to her fitting. It's tradition for the female side of bridal party to attend the fitting not someone who thinks they deserve to be
Frankly she's a better person than you and you have an audacity now.she has to wonder why. You stamped your feet and got what you wanted either accept it or don't go. This is not your wedding but somehow you've made it all about you.

ChangeNameLikeIChangeSocks · 12/12/2023 19:14

No I wouldn't be offended.

Ireolu · 12/12/2023 19:18

Damned if she does. Damned if she doesn't....you shd decline OP.

MarvellousMonsters · 12/12/2023 19:59

Why are you eloping with someone you've only been with a year? That's a bit hasty.

I don't know why you expected to go dress shopping with her, it's not like you've been friends for years and she looks to you for advice on this stuff.

As for 'being on the side' whilst your boyfriend is in the wedding pictures, big deal. Surely you'll know others at the wedding? Just hang out with them, and make sure you get pictures with him at some point. It sounds like someone has been overthinking.