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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/12/2023 11:46

this thread is mad surely nobody is really like this ?

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 10/12/2023 11:47

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

StillStuckInTheShed · 10/12/2023 11:48

OP...

She asked your fiancé because he's her brother... you and your fiancé have been together 1 year as I understand from your op. Her wedding photos are something she'll likely treasure forever. If it all goes south with you and your DP and you're in the photos she'll have to see your face there when you're no longer part of the family.

12 months for a relationship is nothing OP in the greater scheme of things.

pinkyredrose · 10/12/2023 11:48

You're way overthinking this.

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2023 11:49

Why is it odd that your fiancé will be in his sister’s wedding party but not you? She clearly barely knows you and you’ve guilted her into asking you. Awkward. It’s her day, not yours.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 10/12/2023 11:49

You're a piece of work.

Maybe she didn't think you and your brotger would necessarily stay together.

She's been incredibly accommodating totally on your wishes.

Scirocco · 10/12/2023 11:50

You aren't the main character in this episode.

It's entirely reasonable to not have her brother's new girlfriend as a bridesmaid and I think it's a shame if she's felt forced into it now. It's also entirely reasonable to attend a wedding in which you and your significant other have different roles - the roles are about supporting and celebrating the people getting married. It's also entirely reasonable to go clothes shopping with people of your choice, or even none at all.

This is not something that's about you. Stop trying to make it all revolve around you.

thelonemommabear · 10/12/2023 11:51

I did express some disappointment

she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset.

So you emotionally manipulated yourself into an invite?

If you weren't bothered as your later replies suggest why all the attention seeking drama?

housethatbuiltme · 10/12/2023 11:52

OP your follow ups INSIST (a little to much) that you where not actually upset and didn't say anything.

Not only is that in contradiction of your post but your post has a very specific 'me, me, me' vibe. If you give off that vibe in real life (and you likely do if your couldn't even post online with it seeking through heavily) then you don't have to physically SAY anything... its obvious.

MassiveOvaryaction · 10/12/2023 11:55

4 months later I'd assume she's asking you as someone else dropped out.

Why were you upset about not going to pick her dress, especially as at that point you weren't part of the wedding party? Are you absolutely certain you want to elope and not have a big wedding of your own? Wanting to be that involved in someone else's big day and being put out about not being suggests there's something you're not happy about to me.

billy1966 · 10/12/2023 11:55

I think you would be very wise to take at hard look at your behaviour here.

You are 5 minutes with someone and imposing on his sister and family with your expectations.

I would be in the horrors at your behaviour if I was your boyfriends mother.

That you would think you have any business being invited to the brides wedding dress shopping outing, is frankly extraordinary.

These posts are not harsh at all.

If you do not want his family to be taking him aside, and telling them you are a huge mistake, adjust your behaviour dramatically.

You are lucky to be invited.

Personally I wouldn't have anyone that is not close long term family, anywhere near the photos.

How absolutely ridiculous to be looking back at photos 10 years from now and not remember the name of someone who was going out with your brother for 5 minutes.

WillimNot · 10/12/2023 11:55

God you sound like hard work. Your poor fiancee!

How would you like it if someone made such a fuss on your wedding you felt forced to change your plans?

Needy much?

If you're eloping, have you ever considered she may have thought you weren't up for a big wedding and all the gubbins that goes with being a bridesmaid?

In her position, I'd have banned you from the wedding! You sound like a petulant six year old.

AnneValentine · 10/12/2023 11:55

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

Show quote history

They really aren’t.

Hiddenone123 · 10/12/2023 11:59

its not your wedding, it’s not about you. Why should you be in the pictures just because your partner is?
Spoilt. Simples.

MyChristmasTree · 10/12/2023 12:00

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:12

I actually wish she hadn’t asked me. My question was why. I highly doubt my fiancé has said anything 4 months later. And I’m not sure how to respond no.

Why the fuck would you say no??
Yoube only been together a year, she’s now got to know you better. Saying no as you weren’t asked in the first round?
You realise if you say no that’s the end of your relationship and you will change the whole way his family feel about you and your wedding?

MzHz · 10/12/2023 12:01

diddl · 10/12/2023 11:25

So you expressed disappointment at not being in the photos (so disappointed to not be a bmaid)?

Now that you have been asked that's not right either as you think that you have been asked as an afterthought?

Bloody hell!

Yeah, message to OP fiancé: RUN!

diddl · 10/12/2023 12:04

I can't get over being upset at not going wedding dress shopping with your fiance's sister!

Mind you I hate trying stuff on so it would have been an ordeal for me let alone trying to make a party out of it!

I accept that probably puts me in a minority.

DoIReallyNeedToDoThis · 10/12/2023 12:07

I had one best woman and that wasn’t even my sister. Shrug

CormorantStrikesBack · 10/12/2023 12:08

My husband had his best mate as a best man, but i hardly know his wife. So she wasn’t in the main wedding party photos but she’s a big girl and survived. Wouldn’t have crossed my mind to have asked her to be a bridesmaid.

youve been asked because your fiancé rudely asked his sister why you weren’t been more included in wedding stuff. It’s quite normal she’d be asking her friends and relatives, not her brothers sister. She probably feels she’s had to ask.

hsapposhit · 10/12/2023 12:09

I think people are missing the point

I can't tell you how much I hate the phrase "missing the point".
It's normally used when people haven't agreed with the poster to turn it back on those replying. Basically, they're "missing the point" otherwise "they would agree with me."
Or if people are "missing your point" you clearly haven't explained the point well enough in the first place.

If people are missing the point, it's all on you OP.

You asked why the sister is asking you now. Probably because you've created that much drama about the wedding photos and the wedding dress (why the hell would you even think you would get to go to a wedding dress fitting with your "fiances" sister when you barely know her or him for that matter).
OR the sister has decided that you are going to be around long term. When she originally asked the other bridesmaids you'd known her brother for 8 months. That's nothing.

I think you come across very self-absorbed. I sort of hope this is a reverse or trolling because if it's not you really need to take a long hard look at yourself.

MelsMoneyTree · 10/12/2023 12:09

It's not even usual to take all your bridesmaids with you to find your dress if you're having a lot of bridesmaids. So it was a little odd that you expected to be invited dress shopping. Usually it's bride's mum, best maid, sometimes groom's mum and occasionally other bridesmaids or female relatives.

I don't think it matters why she is asking you now. Someone could have dropped out. Someone could have said the bridesmaid and groomsmen numbers are uneven. Someone could have suggested she should reciprocate because you're having her as bridesmaid at your elopement ? (that seems to be what you've said but I'm not sure if I misunderstood because eloping doesn't usually involve bringing family and bridesmaids with you).

Accept or decline. It's up to you. But whichever you choose, do it gracefully and with no hint of a petty 'my ask was 4 months late'. Presumably you're hoping to be married for a long time. They will be your family for a long time. And they are trying to be nice to you.

DoIReallyNeedToDoThis · 10/12/2023 12:12

You’ve reminded me of a wedding I went to where something like 21 of the 30 women there were bridesmaids. It was honestly ridiculous.

LimePi · 10/12/2023 12:15

You are not her friend- you are the future family of her brother! So there shouldn’t be an expectation for you to be her bridesmaid at all (hence there shouldn’t be any disappointment).
YABVU

Catunderling · 10/12/2023 12:22

People aren't missing the point, what made you think you should be included at all in someone's key wedding events whom you don't know that well? Being in the bridal party, going dress shopping? She has asked you to keep the peace because of your repeated complaints.

GalileoHumpkins · 10/12/2023 12:31

You have a bad case of main character syndrome OP.
Main character syndrome is a term made popular on TikTok to describe a tendency among people to view themselves as the lead character in their own life story. People with main character syndrome tend to be self-centered and self-absorbed.

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