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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
PutinSmellsPassItOn · 08/12/2023 07:20

Good God you sound like hard work 😶

autienotnaughty · 08/12/2023 07:30

So you didn't talk about feeling left out other than the one time to yr bf and neither of you mentioned it to anyone else?
But there was also the fact you were upset not to be invited for dress shopping and she definitely knew about that because your bf text her about it. Which was really out of order.

Look she asked you which is what you wanted. Either she -
had someone drop out
decided another bridesmaid would work better for line up
has decided to ask you because she has got closer to you over that time
felt strong armed into it because word has got back you were put out.

You can ask her, or you can accept or decline. But whatever you do I'd try to put her feelings first. It's her day.

bakedbeansontoastfortea · 08/12/2023 07:32

🙄 Nice try OP.

QueenofTerrasen · 08/12/2023 07:33

The furious backpedaling from you op, is hilarious.
Why would you be upset you weren't invited to find the dress of your fiancées sister, when you've only been together one year?!
Of course she'd take her mum and friends.
It's weird you mentioned it being odd he'd be in the photos and not you - it's not odd at all, it's his sister. Why you'd expect to be involved in any of this is beyond me. You need to stop sulking and get a grip. Weddings are stressful enough to plan without having to pander to people wanting their own way.

Ellie1015 · 08/12/2023 07:40

Fiancé sister at dress shopping as she is the groom's sister i would say blood relative of groom such as his mum and sister are perfectly normal to invite then her own mum/sister and close friends or inlaws. Really weird you would query it and poor bride probably now overthinking and not wanting to offend you or brother. Maybe brother has said something to mum or sister about her being your bridesmaid which also adds pressure.

Sounds like all unintentional and i think you should have an honest conversation with bride apologising you overthought the dress shoppping and stating that while you may include her in wedding party as she is groom's sister you do not expect to be included as bridesmaid. You will be delighted to attend as a guest.

(I had my husbands sister as bridesmaid she did bit have me although we knew each other very well. Very common in ny circle for brides brother to be an usher because sibling of the bride and grooms sister to be bridesmaid due to sibling of groom. I wouldn't expect to be asked back. In this situation more likely the sibling would be asked. So you may ask her because her fiance included your fiance in his wedding party.)

Gillypie23 · 08/12/2023 07:45

How selfish are you. Making her wedding about you, when you've only been with your boyfriend a short time.

scrunch22 · 08/12/2023 07:50

You hadn't been together long when she asked her bridesmaids so it wasn't weird at all that you weren't asked, regardless of "you being stood on the side" it doesn't work like that.

You've been together longer now and imagine you've got to know her better which has maybe pushed her to feel like she wants you as a bridesmaid- not weird at all

StopLickingTheDog · 08/12/2023 08:00

Also - you've been together a short period of time but you're eloping and will be married before their wedding. Did you get engaged after them by any chance? Feels like a bit of one-upmanship going on...

Debtfreegoals · 08/12/2023 08:10

I’m sorry OP but you’re making this about you and they won’t forget it either.
Back off.

MumblesParty · 08/12/2023 08:26

YABVU.
You had a moan that your fiancé would be in his sister’s wedding photos and you wouldn’t.
You got upset that she didn’t invite you dress shopping.
Your fiancé is trying to smooth things over so he’s persuaded her to ask you to be a bridesmaid, and now you’re moaning that she didn’t ask you sooner.

Why do you feel you should be so involved in this poor woman’s wedding?

ButterCupPie · 08/12/2023 08:31

As an opposite-sex register-office civil partner, deliberately low-key, let me say I just love these wedding dramas! Dresses, the 'BM' 'MOH' abbreviations, hen dos, A kind of grim fascination.

Tiredmum100 · 08/12/2023 08:35

If BIL was getting married, I would never expect to be a bridesmaid or go wedding dress shopping with his partner. Fwiw, he's not engaged, but he has a child with his partner, who I consider to be my SIL, we get on really well. But I'd still never expect to be included in her wedding party. She has her own family and friends. I think it's nice she's asked you. Just enjoy it, as you wanted to be in the wedding party, and now you are ? 🤷‍♀️

SnowSwan · 08/12/2023 08:37

4 months ago you had only been with your boyfriend for 8 months, so it's not surprising she didn't involve you in her plans. Maybe now she thinks your relationship is more serious and wants to involve you.

Or maybe she just wants an easy life without drama and is trying to stop your complaints.

LookItsMeAgain · 08/12/2023 08:47

You've only been with your own fiance a year and you wanted to elbow your way in to his sister's wedding???

Am I reading that right?

Being a bridesmaid isn't something that goes with being the wife/partner/fiance of someone else who might be in the bridal party. It is a role that the bride decides to ask her friends/family and at the moment you would be considered a fair-weather friend (due to how long you've been in the family, even though you're planning on marrying your fiance) and you're not family. She is under no obligation to have you involved in the wedding at all more than as a guest, whether you like it or not.

As you're planning on eloping, you are not planning on having any bridesmaids so in all fairness, my advice would be for you to suck it up, be happy that you're even being invited to the wedding at all and don't make this all about you.

Cas112 · 08/12/2023 08:51

It's not your wedding, why do you think you need to be involved

Why do you think you need to be stood next to your partner in pictures? Get a grip

LookItsMeAgain · 08/12/2023 08:51

@amanda2k4 - "My question was why has she even asked me"
Nope that wasn't your question. This was:
"would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding?"

To this question I would say no I wouldn't be offended that my fiances sister asked her brother to be in the wedding but didn't extend a request to be part of the bridal party to the wife of said brother knowing that they are not joined at the hip!

youhavenoidea123 · 08/12/2023 08:52

My guess would be she has reflected in the conversation that you were upset not to be invited to look for the dress. You said your fiancé messaged her about this and she had a conversation with you.

She sounds like a nice and reasonable person so to prevent you from feeling left out any further has included you as a bridesmaid.

FarEast · 08/12/2023 10:26

more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines

Because someone else's wedding is all about you, isn't it @amanda2k4 ? Your poor fiancé.

AgnesX · 08/12/2023 10:30

You're just a little bit of a drama queen aren't you.

You're not her friend and have no right to expect to be part of the preparations or even be a bridesmaid. If you've only been with your partner for a year you're barely part of the family.

crumpet · 08/12/2023 10:30

Seriously, your only job is to smile, be happy, allow the bride and groom to decide who/how many people they want in the bridal party, and not to give a shit about whether you are or are not in the “right” photos. There’s bound to be a “family” photo anyway which you will be in.

Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 10:47

Ellie1015 · 08/12/2023 07:40

Fiancé sister at dress shopping as she is the groom's sister i would say blood relative of groom such as his mum and sister are perfectly normal to invite then her own mum/sister and close friends or inlaws. Really weird you would query it and poor bride probably now overthinking and not wanting to offend you or brother. Maybe brother has said something to mum or sister about her being your bridesmaid which also adds pressure.

Sounds like all unintentional and i think you should have an honest conversation with bride apologising you overthought the dress shoppping and stating that while you may include her in wedding party as she is groom's sister you do not expect to be included as bridesmaid. You will be delighted to attend as a guest.

(I had my husbands sister as bridesmaid she did bit have me although we knew each other very well. Very common in ny circle for brides brother to be an usher because sibling of the bride and grooms sister to be bridesmaid due to sibling of groom. I wouldn't expect to be asked back. In this situation more likely the sibling would be asked. So you may ask her because her fiance included your fiance in his wedding party.)

Edited

thank you. this is a level headed abuse rather than a insult. appreciated :)

OP posts:
Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 10:48

youhavenoidea123 · 08/12/2023 08:52

My guess would be she has reflected in the conversation that you were upset not to be invited to look for the dress. You said your fiancé messaged her about this and she had a conversation with you.

She sounds like a nice and reasonable person so to prevent you from feeling left out any further has included you as a bridesmaid.

yes, but the conversation i had with my fiance was 1 convo and it was 4 months ago, so it just seems odd. i think someone did drop out, or, the fiances brother has just got a new girlfriend so i think she has probablty included her tooo.

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 08/12/2023 11:13

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 10:48

yes, but the conversation i had with my fiance was 1 convo and it was 4 months ago, so it just seems odd. i think someone did drop out, or, the fiances brother has just got a new girlfriend so i think she has probablty included her tooo.

Show quote history

If someone has dropped out then still lovely to be next to be asked despite being relatively new family member.

I think brother having a new girlfriend who is now a bridesmaid is very unlikely.

I would be keen to make sure that bride didnt feel obliged to have me due to dress shopping comments or any influence from her brother. And then I would happily accept. I can also understand that may be too awkward a conversation if so just accept and enjoy, try to stop worrying about it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2023 10:37

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

You’ve said here that you’re disappointed not to be in the photos. They’re not your photos. We had a wedding party photo and then a photo which was parents, siblings and siblings’ partners. Maybe she had plans for this. Maybe she didn’t because you’ve only been with your DP for a year and it may not last. I was more than happy to stand on the sidelines for BIL’s wedding photos and I have been with DH for 10 years and have we have two children together!

Sounds like you’ve made a fuss about not being included and she has taken that to mean you want to be included. She’s tried to include you and you’re still not happy. It’s not your wedding so you need to let them plan what they want.

And in terms of wedding dress shopping, I only went with my mum and my sister came when I tried it on again nearer the time. No one was upset not to be included in this or, if they were, they kept it to themselves because it was my experience and I got to decide who I included in that.

Ggttl · 10/12/2023 10:43

You sound needy, over-analytical and hard work.