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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 07/12/2023 23:50

My SIL didn't ask me to be in her wedding at all, why should she? At that point I'd been with DH over 8 years and married for 2 and had spent multiple Christmases with the ILs, but we weren't friends. Nobody owes you a place as a bridesmaid, no one has to take you dress shopping. This is incredibly entitled, but OP if this is a reverse you're being unreasonable, you'd get the same answers if you were honest.

HMW1906 · 07/12/2023 23:52

You do realise it’s not your wedding don’t you?? Why would you expect to be invited dress shopping? Why would you expect to be a bridesmaid? You said you’ve only been with your fiancé for a year so it’s not like you’re ‘besties’ with his sister.

I didn’t ask either of my sister-in-laws to be my bridesmaids and they’ve been in my life a lot longer that a year.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/12/2023 00:00

I would never want a fiancés sister wedding dress shopping with me .
I also wouldn't ask someone I'd known less than a year to be my bridesmaid. But I would want my brother in the wedding party.
You have got strange expectations here- focus on your own wedding!

LauderSyme · 08/12/2023 00:10

Woah! You are way too needy and high maintenance. What has probably changed is your fiancé has begged her to include you cos you're being such a whiny, selfish childzilla about it.

OftIwandered · 08/12/2023 00:12

Gosh your (future) SiL is nicer than you deserve! Politely explaining why she didn't include you when she went to look at wedding dresses and now letting herself be coerced into asking you to be a bridesmaid. She hardly knows you.

WandaWonder · 08/12/2023 00:12

fruitbrewhaha · 07/12/2023 22:35

Can’t be real. Surely no one is this self absorbed.

Are you new here? I am joking

the wedding is not all about you

whatausername · 08/12/2023 00:27

Causing this much drama already? Hopefully your fiance wises up and dumps your arse 😂

Redskyatwhatever · 08/12/2023 00:38

Are you sure you are grown up enough to get married yourself OP cause I don’t know many married women who would throw a strop about not being invited to be a bridesmaid. Mind you I’m an older woman and back in the day bridesmaids were supposed to be single.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/12/2023 00:53

I'd be absolutely mortified if I was you.

Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Dancingonaslice · 07/12/2023 22:28

Why on earth would you expect to have a role at all? And to be taken wedding dress shopping? I wouldn’t have taken my SIL even after she had been married to my bro for a few years and I do actually like her a lot!

I wonder if your fiance has put pressure on her and she’s now felt she has to ask you?

Which is pretty awkward all round.

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

OP posts:
Marionberry · 08/12/2023 01:06

Why would you feel odd, you hardly know her.

Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:09

My fiancé wants her as my bridesmaid.

OP posts:
Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:12

I actually wish she hadn’t asked me. My question was why. I highly doubt my fiancé has said anything 4 months later. And I’m not sure how to respond no.

OP posts:
BuggersMuddle · 08/12/2023 01:19

Geez, after one year, I think I'd feel awkward being asked. And why would you have her as your bridesmaid if you are eloping?

BalloonSalesperson · 08/12/2023 01:20

My fiancé wants her as my bridesmaid

You choose your bridesmaids, not him.

He chooses the best man.

Lavender14 · 08/12/2023 01:21

"she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress"

This girl literally cannot win.

You've complained about being left out during photos etc (generally this is one of those things that you just suck up and get on with, most of us have done it at some point). You've got upset that you weren't involved in her picking out her dress and your fiancé made sure she knew about it. Now she's given you a role and asked you to be more involved and you are again put out and want to tell her no??

Do you want his family to like you at all? You are being a total nightmare here and probably causing her a whole lot of undue stress. What do you actually want from her? At this point you need to decide if you can, you accept what she's offered you gracefully and play the part in the run up and on the day.

This is about her day, her wishes, her wedding. Not you.

SD1978 · 08/12/2023 01:27

You expected to be at the dress fittings, and expressed you were upset at not being included. You expressed upset at your partner being in the wedding party and you not. Probably your partner has asked to stop your complaining and being upset. Now trying some wide eyed but why has she asked shite seems a bit daft, given you e been upset at your partner over not being included........own it.

WhatNoUsername · 08/12/2023 01:27

Why on earth would you have your brother's girlfriend there when trying on wedding dresses? Although it's a bit weird to have 6 people there tbh....

MarieKlepto · 08/12/2023 01:27

Why do you think the bride would prioritise her brother's fiance (together for a year) beyond her mum, friends, future mum/sis in law on that side (who she's known for a good while), etc if the boutique limit is 6. Tell me why and I'll think about it.

kiwiaddict · 08/12/2023 01:33

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Jesus Christ people, after reading these comments I think you need to relax. I’ve never once said I want to be a bridesmaid. I said to my fiancé that I’d feel a little odd him being in the wedding party and me not. My question was why has she even asked me. She’s not the type to include me under pressure, or she would have done that initially. I think people are missing the point.

Show quote history

You've stated that your partner being in the wedding party but you not is weird - (it's not btw, perfectly fine!)

Therefore, there are 2 ideal outcomes based on what you've said:

  1. You don't want him in the wedding party either
  1. You also want to be in the wedding party, but not a bridesmaid apparently, so....what would you be doing?

She's asked you from the sounds of it because of your terrible, sulking behavior - I think you're about to find that almost everyone on MN agrees with me here....

Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:35

You think she has asked me from one conversation I had 4 months ago with my fiancé? That’s kinda odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:37

WhatNoUsername · 08/12/2023 01:27

Why on earth would you have your brother's girlfriend there when trying on wedding dresses? Although it's a bit weird to have 6 people there tbh....

She also had her fiancés sister there. Is that odd too? Idk the rules lol I’m not too worked up about it was just a general wonder why she asked me now.

OP posts:
Original poster
amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:38

I had one conversation with my partner. So I’d say I complained rather than complainING. My partner also isn’t the type to mention it again. Odd to me.

OP posts:
BuggersMuddle · 08/12/2023 01:45

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:35

You think she has asked me from one conversation I had 4 months ago with my fiancé? That’s kinda odd.

Having fiance's sister there isn't weird - even if they got together quickly. If you think about it, they will have ties throughout their marriage & in the event of kids beyond that even if the marriage were to end. (Although I'd also think it was fine to involve her but not give her a major role, esp if the bride has a number of close friends or sisters).

A relatively new partner of her fiance's brother is far less certain to be around long term (and of course OP I hope that's not the case, but in reality you'd been together a few months at this point which is not a lot in the scheme of things).

kiwiaddict · 08/12/2023 01:51

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:37

She also had her fiancés sister there. Is that odd too? Idk the rules lol I’m not too worked up about it was just a general wonder why she asked me now.

Show quote history

You've changed your words:

Now you're saying "I'm not too worked up about it"

Your origonal post:

"Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset."

"I was upset" - IS worked up about it

We're all replying to your words. Maybe in real life you also don't realise how your reactions and behaviours affect those around you? And that's why you can't fathom why she asked you