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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 08/12/2023 01:57

If you want to be the centre of wedding melodrama then don't elope, and overcomplicate your own wedding, not someone else's.

Canisaysomething · 08/12/2023 02:13

My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress

Oh dear. Expressing disappointment over someone else’s joyful event like this is peak selfish brat behaviour. You and your fiancé sound like a right pair. You for being disappointed and him for sending the message.

WandaWonder · 08/12/2023 02:18

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:35

You think she has asked me from one conversation I had 4 months ago with my fiancé? That’s kinda odd.

no more or less odd then thinking it is odd you weren't the to help pick the dress

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 08/12/2023 02:18

You sound a bit childish. Why do you care so much, and why do you think you should be so involved in her wedding?

I most certainly wouldn't be offended if my fiancé's sister didn't ask me to be in the wedding party, or involved in any way, in fact quite the reverse!

notquitesoyoung · 08/12/2023 02:19

You said it would be weird him being in the bridal party and you not - so what were you thinking that comment might bring, him not being in the bridal party or you being included, which is what you've got.

Usually the mum, mother of the groom & bridesmaids go dress shopping so again wanting to be included and vocalising that is weird.

Generally speaking the bride decides on bridesmaids so fiancé wanting someone to be your bridesmaid is unusual beyond small children.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 08/12/2023 03:47

The reason people are in your view over reacting is because of how you worded your OP. It might be worth thinking about the fact that the vast majority of posters reacted the same way and considering that if you're later posts are what you actually feel then your communication skills need some work.

SparklingSparkle · 08/12/2023 04:03

Really? You’ll probably split up with her brother then she will have a random in all the pictures.
Also you’re an adult surely you shouldn’t need to be a bridesmaid? You’re not 5 and desiring a princess dress.

Zonder · 08/12/2023 04:48

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:38

I had one conversation with my partner. So I’d say I complained rather than complainING. My partner also isn’t the type to mention it again. Odd to me.

I think you are now minimising. You said your bf texted to say you were upset not to be in the dress party. You complained you weren't a BM when you had just been with your bf max 8 months. I think that his family are aware of your feelings and she has come under pressure to keep you on board.

I'd be embarrassed in your shoes to have made it obvious I was upset not to be the BM of the bf I had been with max 8 months! My response would be to go for coffee with her and say sorry I overreacted, of course you don't have to have me as your BM. But let me know if there's anything I can do to help on the day.

Codlingmoths · 08/12/2023 05:19

I have no idea why you would have expected to be asked dress shopping. I think re bridesmaid you say very cheerfully honestly I think a bride should have her best friends and closest female family for bridal party to be getting ready together etc, I’m sure you’re only asking me to be polite and I really appreciate that, but don’t worry about me-I’ll stay a regular guest and you have a wonderful day.

StBrides · 08/12/2023 05:22

I don't understand why you're bothered about him being in the wedding party and you not. You know other people there, you can still have your photo taken with him....Being bothered by it does make you sound like hard work, even if only he knew your feelings.

The only polite response to the invitation to be a bridesmaid is to graciously accept and appear happy about it. Lots of reasons why you were a late request, which could be about numbers or indecision on her part. There's nothing to be offended about here.

TrailingFig · 08/12/2023 05:25

You sound like hard work tbh

AgentProvocateur · 08/12/2023 05:31

Dreadful behaviour. You’re not even a long-term girlfriend! The bride will probably know 99% of people at the wedding better than she’ll know you.

Babyenroute · 08/12/2023 05:33

The pictures thing is odd to even think about. There may be other pictures with you in them. We didn't even have all my husbands siblings in our bridal party as we aren't overly close to two of them but I hadn't even thought of pictures, we didn't have a bridal party one

CherryBlossoms88 · 08/12/2023 05:46

Look, you are entitled to your feelings, but you should have not voiced them as it is not your wedding. There should be no expectation that you should be part of the wedding party just because you are a soon to be sister-in-law. You also shouldn’t have made her feel bad about not inviting you to watch her get a wedding dress. If she could only invite 6 people, she can invite whoever is closest to her and unfortunately you don’t make the cut. You seriously need to check your emotions on all of this as you are making it about you.
Also I was in a similar position where I was called in as a last minute bridesmaid, and you know what I was delighted. I felt honoured that my SIL considered me at all! Just be grateful!
Also you mentioned that your fiancé wants her to be a bridemaid, well it’s your choice who you want so don’t feel pressured either.

salamirose · 08/12/2023 06:13

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:09

My fiancé wants her as my bridesmaid.

Well tough. She can be his groomsmaid

salamirose · 08/12/2023 06:15

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:37

She also had her fiancés sister there. Is that odd too? Idk the rules lol I’m not too worked up about it was just a general wonder why she asked me now.

Show quote history

No becuase she probably likes her and is close to her having known her (hopefully) longer than 8 months!

Sux2buthen · 08/12/2023 06:23

It's likely she suspects you won't be in the family for long and didn't want to have her brothers future ex in her wedding photos

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 08/12/2023 06:27

Are you looking for small reasons to be offended? You list your DH being groomsman and photos, not going to wedding dress shop and later bridesmaid invite. These are not reasons to be offended.

Arewethebadguys · 08/12/2023 06:33

ForHeavensSakeRichard · 07/12/2023 22:26

Fucking hell.
You've made her wedding all about you.

This. You sound hard work

MsClarice · 08/12/2023 06:41

She didn't ask you at the time, back in August, because you'd only been with your boyfriend for 8 months. When did you get engaged? Could she have asked you once she felt you were more likely to be a permanent part of the family?

Jifmicroliquid · 08/12/2023 06:57

I think she’s asked you because you have made it clear you are upset at being left out, so she’s added you in. Clearly begrudgingly.

But I agree with the other posters I’m afraid, why would you be invited to the wedding dress try on anyway?
You’ve not been in the family very long, so in all fairness she probably isn’t sure you’ll be sticking around and doesn’t want some random person in her wedding photos.

I think you are being a bit strange about it all.

StopLickingTheDog · 08/12/2023 07:07

You can't understand why the couple want their actual siblings in their wedding party?

When we got married we (subtly, obviously) specifically made sure that there were photos without siblings partners in them, they certainly weren't in key roles. Lo and behold, they're all now split up and with new partners so whilst we do have photos with them in in the albums, they aren't in the main ones - ie the ones that are on display in our house

FarEast · 08/12/2023 07:11

What’s the term for a wannabe bridesmaidzilla?

YireosDodeAver · 08/12/2023 07:16

Gosh you sound like hard work. You do realise that her wedding is not actually about you, don't you? It's not quite clear from the OP.

I think your family dynamics over the coming decades are going to be very strained and difficult to navigate and the main factor causing all the tension will mysteriously be totally imperceptible to you.

GreatGateauxsby · 08/12/2023 07:18

Mummymummy89 · 07/12/2023 22:27

Maybe whats changed is that people have told her you really want to be a bridesmaid so she's given in.

I think you've been unreasonable tbh. You're not her sister, you're not even her sister in law yet, and you haven't known her all that long if you've only been with your fiance a year. Most women choose actual family members, or friends they've known a long time, to be their bridesmaids. You're neither (yet).

Is he actually your fiance, do you have a wedding date set? Have you asked her to be your bridesmaid?

Yep all of this