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Original poster

Fiances sister is only asking me to be a bridesmaid - 4 months asking all her others

291 replies

amanda2k4 · 07/12/2023 22:23

Fiancé sister getting married. They asked my fiancé back in August to be groomsman. I did express some disappointment, more to the fact that my fiancé would be in the wedding photos, and I would be standing on the sidelines lol, and we would be married by that point. (not a big wedding, we just elope)

Anyway, she went to find a wedding dress and I was upset. My fiance text her and asked why I wasn't invited to help her find a dress, she said she was only allowed 6 people. Anywho, she apologised to me and said she was only allowed 6 people and obviously had her mum, mother in law etc. Fast forward to 4 months later, and she has text me saying she would love me to stand next to her as a sister?

In August, when she was posted her bridesmaids on Instagram she said "last but not least" to the final girl, so I know I am an extra. I wonder whats changed? And would you be offended your fiances sister didn't ask you but asked your fiance to be in the wedding? We have only been together 1 year.

OP posts:
ganglion · 10/12/2023 10:44

You've made her wedding all about you. She's only asked you to be bridesmaid as you kicked up a fuss and your idiot fiancé stepped in to speak to your sister.

I'd have to politely decline being a bridesmaid as they'll all know how awfully you behaved over not being invited dress shopping. You've only been together one year!

LookItsMeAgain · 10/12/2023 10:50

@amanda2k4 - you posted this: "thank you. this is a level headed abuse rather than a insult. appreciated :)"

We're not insulting you.

We are absolutely aghast at the position you have taken on this matter.
If I were the bride in your situation I wouldn't have asked you as you're coming across as really hard work and that's only from a few posts.

The only reasonable thing I can think of here is that it is you who happens to be the bride, and this is a reverse situation and you're getting a hard time from the bridesmaid in question. Otherwise, you really don't get to have a say in who is a bridesmaid or not in someone else's wedding, no matter how uncomfortable that might make you feel when it is time for the wedding reception meal and you're at a table without your significant other.

MzHz · 10/12/2023 11:00

So you’d been together 8m and expected her to include you as a bridesmaid?

when you might’ve broken up by then?

this isn’t your wedding and she barely knows you.

ffs, your “fiancé” doesn’t know you

where is the fire @amanda2k4? Who’s pressing who to get married this fast?

slow down and stop forcing yourself on someone else’s wedding. Be grateful you’re even a plus one tbh.

Anisette · 10/12/2023 11:02

My SIL has had no less than three weddings over the period DH and I have been married. I'm delighted to say I've never been expected to go dress shopping with her.

noooooooo · 10/12/2023 11:04

To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have asked you either, simply because relationships do end and yours has been quite a short one. I think it’s nice she has, and now I’d accept the gesture in the spirit it was intended rather than get bogged down in what you perceive she should have done. It’s her wedding, her choice, take the offer and be gracious, it’ll do good for your relationship with her brother.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 11:07

Lots of Bridezilla threads, but this is the only Bridesmaidzilla thread I can recall. Totally unreasonable. You’ve totally made her day all about you until she’s given in and invited you to be a bridesmaid. And you’re still complaining.

gamerchick · 10/12/2023 11:08

Tbf OP your OP made you sounds like a whingy nightmare.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 11:08

I didn’t expect to be asked to be BM to my DB’s wedding (by SIL the invite). But they were together I think 6 years by that point.

As others have said you’ve only been with your DH a year and she probably barely knows you. You’re making it all about you. She’s probably asked you as an afterthought but I don’t think there’s any malice here, at least she’s asked you now.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 11:10

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:37

She also had her fiancés sister there. Is that odd too? Idk the rules lol I’m not too worked up about it was just a general wonder why she asked me now.

Show quote history

She can have who she wants at her dress fitting including her fiancé’s sister.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/12/2023 11:12

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 10:48

yes, but the conversation i had with my fiance was 1 convo and it was 4 months ago, so it just seems odd. i think someone did drop out, or, the fiances brother has just got a new girlfriend so i think she has probablty included her tooo.

Show quote history

Politely and kindly. What the F does it have to do with you who she invites to her wedding and/or asks to be BM?! I mean really…

Mrsjayy · 10/12/2023 11:13

Good god what are you like as they say on MN you sound like hard work that poor girl having to deal with your "upset"!

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 10/12/2023 11:15

amanda2k4 · 08/12/2023 01:37

She also had her fiancés sister there. Is that odd too? Idk the rules lol I’m not too worked up about it was just a general wonder why she asked me now.

Show quote history

It's not weird to include the siblings or family of the people actually getting married no.

So while you would be her SIL and her husbands sister is also her SIL, only the husbands sister is directly related to the wedding.

In my wedding my sibling and my husbands sibling both did a reading, neither of their partners were involved at all, it would not have crossed my mind for them to be even though I get on really well with my siblings partner.

Harrysmummy246 · 10/12/2023 11:19

YABU. I didn't have a role in BIL/ SIL wedding party while now DH was being an usher. Just the way it is some times. And we'd known each other 10+ years by then

but equally, she wasn't one of my choices either- one BM, my sister, chose dress on my own, hen was sister and two close friends.

Get a grip.

PieAndLattes · 10/12/2023 11:21

Good lord, the woman has only known you a year. Bridesmaids are family and close long term friends, not someone they only know because they’re dating a sibling. I would have thought it bizarre if my DB’s wife had asked me to be a bridesmaid.

ChanelNo19EDT · 10/12/2023 11:23

BuggersMuddle · 08/12/2023 01:19

Geez, after one year, I think I'd feel awkward being asked. And why would you have her as your bridesmaid if you are eloping?

i had wondered this. I had thought that maybe you wanted ''wedding excitement'' and weren't getting it from your own wedding? But if you are having a wedding with bridesmaids then I don't know.

Umph · 10/12/2023 11:23

This is bizarre. I didn’t even consider asking my SILs to be bridesmaids tbh. In fact, I only had DHs niece and a couple of family friends as flower girls, no adult bridesmaids at all. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to ask SILs. You don’t know what the photo set up will be! Why are you assuming you won’t be in the photos just because you aren’t a bridesmaid? You might not be in SOME photos? So what?!

diddl · 10/12/2023 11:25

So you expressed disappointment at not being in the photos (so disappointed to not be a bmaid)?

Now that you have been asked that's not right either as you think that you have been asked as an afterthought?

Bloody hell!

jolies1 · 10/12/2023 11:29

So you’re miffed that she didn’t initially invite you to be a bridesmaid as you wouldn’t be in the wedding photos…

(at family weddings we many have a photo including all partners as well as one of wedding party anyway)

and miffed that she didn’t invite you dress shopping with the other bridesmaids.

Now you’re cross she has asked you?

Are you really annoyed because you think you’re not seen as “proper” family because you’ve only been with your fiancé a short time?

happyandhopefull · 10/12/2023 11:31

Why are you looking for mean reasons why she asked you? If you don't want to do it, politely decline don't make her out to be in the wrong. If you want to be part of the family, you're not making a great start.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/12/2023 11:31

@amanda2k4

does it matter why Op?

just go to the wedding, enjoy it and be a good bridesmaid for her.

it really is that simple.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/12/2023 11:32

Get over yourself! Do you have any idea how self absorbed you come across? Accept or don’t accept, Ms Centre of the Universe.

Hereforaglance · 10/12/2023 11:35

So you begged and cried to be bridesmaid now you are bridesmaid you are hurt upset and offended after all your begging
Sounds like a careful what u beg for

Jk8 · 10/12/2023 11:36

😂 your going to have to suck it up. Hope for the same dress/outfit as the actual bridesmaids & smile politely knowing your an after thought & the whole family knows you got it through complaining about the bride behind her back

Wouldn't wish it on my closet friends but it is what it is & no you can't now backtrack & insist you don't want/meed to be involved but you can offer to pay your way. Make a special thought about gifts & apologise for not meaning to put her in an awkward spot.

Goodluck!

Supertayto · 10/12/2023 11:36

I would imagine the thing that has changed is that your behaviour to being excluded has worn her down to the point she just wants to keep the peace with her brother. You have been together for a year. In the grand scheme of things that is a very short period of time and she, quite understandably, probably didn’t want to embroil her wedding in a relationship that might have fizzled by the time it actually came to around. It’s hurtful to not be immediately embraced and included, sure, but generally you need to earn that with in-laws. I would try to be a quiet and supportive bridesmaid from now on and, in all seriousness, not express another opinion about her wedding.

housethatbuiltme · 10/12/2023 11:44

Why on earth where you so needy?

Imagine texting someone to make their life event all about you... a random new IL.

Are you a pity add? yes, but you did bloody mope, beg for it and impose... frankly the bride is handling it excellently. Many would not be so nice in telling you to get back in your lane.