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Original poster

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/02/2023 13:15

Hold firm

StormInaDcup99 · 20/02/2023 13:25

Sorry haven't read all the posts on here as there are a lot.

OP I'd simply say....really sorry but I'm unable to attend, and give the organiser 50 quid so a bottle or two of prosecco can be purchased.

That way, it is more difficult for anyone to badmouth you

Stravaig · 20/02/2023 13:28

Just say No, thank you / can't / don't want to. Full stop. Women tend to over-explain. If you're worried about being pleasing good manners, remember that it is incredibly rude of bride/family to do anything other than gracefully accept the response you give to their invitation not summons.

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 13:31

Yes I am sure it's £320 for one night in an average hotel for a mini experience.

It's a pity, I would have enjoyed a night away and a pamper.. which is why I said I'd go in the first place. I just did not expect that price.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 20/02/2023 13:49

thats alot for one night and no food

why does everyone know your budget and how much you can afford

my cousins certainly dont

jackstini · 20/02/2023 14:04

YANBU - that is a ridiculous price for 1 night in a 3* plus a mini treatment. Who on
Earth would think that's acceptable?!

Could you send an alternative option?

MaggieFS · 20/02/2023 14:25

Further, given you only know cousin and aunt and both would be bringing other friends.... have we even got onto whether you would get your own room for that or have to share with a stranger?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 20/02/2023 14:37

SpringIntoChaos · 20/02/2023 12:45

Seriously?? Why the hell should she?? What is wrong with people who can't simply decline an invitation? The OP literally has no need to send a 'good-will' gesture! She's not even been invited to the wedding ffs! 🤦‍♀️ The bride won't even notice that she's not there...apart from the fact that the price per person will go up of course, which is really why more people are invited to these types of events, let's be honest!

Show quote history

Not seriously 😁
-The apology couldn't really be deeply-felt -see the OP's post.
-Of course she is not obliged to pay after such cheeky sort of invite.

However, she did say she was concerned about the long-term effects of not-going and that affording it wasn't really a problem. Keeping family relations sweet can sometimes have other benefits.

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 15:01

jackstini · 20/02/2023 14:04

YANBU - that is a ridiculous price for 1 night in a 3* plus a mini treatment. Who on
Earth would think that's acceptable?!

Could you send an alternative option?

Oh god please don't do this.

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 15:01

My family is aware that I can afford things - I don't mean to sound wanky here - but some of that is reflected in the choices we make.

I wouldn't even mind saying that £350 is a bit steep for one night - but I know it'll be met with "you'd have no problem paying that if you wanted to" and therein lies the problem. I would pay it if it was my best friend, or if it was to benefit my children or husband.

I don't want to pay it to go away with a lot of strangers, and I do think it's a lot to put on someone who hasn't even been invited to the wedding.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 20/02/2023 15:05

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 15:01

My family is aware that I can afford things - I don't mean to sound wanky here - but some of that is reflected in the choices we make.

I wouldn't even mind saying that £350 is a bit steep for one night - but I know it'll be met with "you'd have no problem paying that if you wanted to" and therein lies the problem. I would pay it if it was my best friend, or if it was to benefit my children or husband.

I don't want to pay it to go away with a lot of strangers, and I do think it's a lot to put on someone who hasn't even been invited to the wedding.

So you're going to have to tell the truth and take the flak!

rookiemere · 20/02/2023 15:15

@mrsoodles I would just go for a bland " Apologies I just can't come now."
If pushed I could say you were surprised by the cost and didn't want to make a fuss, but it's higher than your budget so you are unable to go.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/02/2023 15:16

Just do not mention the price at all. Don't give them something to counter.

Just grey rock it and keep repeating "It doesn't work for us just now. We'd love to catch up with (bride and groom) after the wedding to see the photos."

jackstini · 20/02/2023 15:47

@Sadlifter - just an option!
The OP said she was looking forward to the night away and a massage - just at half the quoted price

OP - it's not about affording (which you can) it's about justifying (which you can't)
You have to be honest - or will end up doing something you don't want to do, and shouldn't have to

Maireas · 20/02/2023 16:45

I'm still not clear why you've not been invited to the wedding?
Is your mum going?.
They've no grounds to have a go if you're not even invited to the wedding.

PritiPatelsMaker · 20/02/2023 17:07

I'm still not clear why you've not been invited to the wedding

I'm sure she's stated a couple of times that she's not invited.

Don't go OP but just say something bland like something had come up.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 17:10

@PritiPatelsMaker - I know she says she's not been invited!
I was wondering if she knew why......

PritiPatelsMaker · 20/02/2023 17:11

I was wondering if she knew why....

Really must brush up my reading skills. Sorry about that.

The only reason I can see that she's hinted at is that it's a very small wedding?

Maireas · 20/02/2023 17:14

Not to worry @PritiPatelsMaker
I just think it's strange of them, therefore to get judgemental about the hen do!

PritiPatelsMaker · 20/02/2023 17:20

I just think it's strange of them, therefore to get judgemental about the hen do!

I think it's very strange too but seems to be a more common trend where couples want stylish weddings but can't afford to invite half of their family and friends.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 17:39

You could be right. I also think that these hen dos are just for social media, hence the hotel and "pampering".
It all gets crazy expensive.

Monster80 · 20/02/2023 18:03

You could offer a goodwill contribution to the brides costs (divide £320 by number of people on the WhatsApp), but I’d only do this if I was a bridesmaid who couldn’t make it. Definitely not if I wasn’t going to the wedding or the hen!

Thighlengthboots · 20/02/2023 18:41

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 15:01

My family is aware that I can afford things - I don't mean to sound wanky here - but some of that is reflected in the choices we make.

I wouldn't even mind saying that £350 is a bit steep for one night - but I know it'll be met with "you'd have no problem paying that if you wanted to" and therein lies the problem. I would pay it if it was my best friend, or if it was to benefit my children or husband.

I don't want to pay it to go away with a lot of strangers, and I do think it's a lot to put on someone who hasn't even been invited to the wedding.

I get you feel awkward but this really isnt a problem. Its YOUR bloody money and its up to you what you spend it on. This clearly isnt your best friend so why do you feel so embarrassed about this? its a hen invitation, not a summons. You arent even going to the wedding so they have absolutely no right to get arsey with you about this. If they do- why do you even want to stay in touch with someone who dictates/lectures you how you should spend your own money?

Do you have a history of people pleasing? Its not about what you can/cant afford, its about you dont want to spend that amount of money on a stupid hen do which is completely reasonable. Why are you allowing people to question you and berate you about what you spend your finances on? This could be a defining moment for you to start standing up for your own boundaries in a polite but assertive manner. If you dont, people will walk all over you in the future and you'll seethe with resentment because you'll be agreeing to things you dont really want to participate in. Say NO. If they want to throw a tantrum then let them- it wont cause the apocalypse.

PritiPatelsMaker · 20/02/2023 19:04

You could be right. I also think that these hen dos are just for social media, hence the hotel and "pampering".
It all gets crazy expensive

I think so too. Lots of Weddings seem to be about how things look but ask anyone which Weddings they enjoyed and it's always the ones where lots of thought has gone into looking after the guests.

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 19:12

Maireas · 20/02/2023 17:39

You could be right. I also think that these hen dos are just for social media, hence the hotel and "pampering".
It all gets crazy expensive.

Absolutely.

Couldn't possibly be just about having a nice time with friends and family doing something the bride enjoys.

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