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Original poster

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

OP posts:
FlySwimmer · 20/02/2023 10:25

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 07:22

I know someone who was once invited to the ceremony, expected to fuck off for a bit whilst the proper day guests had their sit down meal, and then come back again for the evening.

I'd rather no invite 🤣

Show quote history

This happened to me. I couldn’t believe it once I realised the situation. AND the bride & groom expected people to wear black tie for all elements, so we’d have been expected to hang around town in gowns & formal suits. DH & I went to the ceremony & sacked off the evening part…

UdoU · 20/02/2023 10:26

You're probably also subsidising a free hotel stay for the bride to be, free champagne, free treatments etc.

Don't do it, she wants you to come so the cost is spread out over all the attendees.

Monster80 · 20/02/2023 10:27

I would just keep it very short - wouldn’t mention money at all ‘don’t think I can join you all - hope you have a fantastic time - let’s catch up after the big day xxx’

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/02/2023 10:41

I don’t think they’ll come back and ask why. I’d just say you’re sorry you can’t go.

I think it’s fine to arrange hens like this if that’s what people want but equally people should be free to turn it down. So I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable.

FinnRussell · 20/02/2023 10:43

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/02/2023 10:41

I don’t think they’ll come back and ask why. I’d just say you’re sorry you can’t go.

I think it’s fine to arrange hens like this if that’s what people want but equally people should be free to turn it down. So I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable.

I think there will be pushback because when someone drops out it makes it more expensive for everyone else.

Drop out asap to save other guests more hassle or money loss.

FrenchandSaunders · 20/02/2023 10:45

@elliejjtiny what did you all do for a tenner a head?

Rodneyisaplonker · 20/02/2023 10:45

I don’t get why this is even a dilemma. I’m assuming you’re not invited due to limited spaces. How is she being unspeakably rude?

like any normal integration, hey there, I’m sorry need to pull out as we have a clash and also money is tight right now, have a brill time. X

WombatChocolate · 20/02/2023 10:46

Just say ‘Sorry, realised I can’t make that date. Hope you all have a lovely time’.

Theres no need to say you can’t afford it or don’t want to spend that kind of money. Just say you can’t come.

Hopefully it’s not something you committed to in the sense someone then booked a place for you and paid a deposit or the full amount upfront, or was then contracted to pay the full amount for X people. If that was the case and you’re pulling out, you might owe money or be costing others more….but surely you wouldn’t have committed to something without exact figures.

Key rules - only accept hen night invitations where exact figures are provided and you are happy with that price and fact there might be a few extra incidentals.

  • Only organise and book a hen night if people have paid you upfront.
WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 10:47

I think it's pretty standard for the guests to cover the hen now, is it not?
I went on a weekend break last year and we covered the brides train, hotel, one event and 3 meals.

Naunet · 20/02/2023 10:48

I don’t know if it’s just me, but there’s something really cheeky about expecting people to still cover the cost of the hen for her, when she’s not even inviting them to the wedding. Why should other people pay for her room and treatments (assuming that’s what part of the £350 covers)?

Maireas · 20/02/2023 10:49

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 10:47

I think it's pretty standard for the guests to cover the hen now, is it not?
I went on a weekend break last year and we covered the brides train, hotel, one event and 3 meals.

How much did it cost?.

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2023 10:52

Op would also likely be covering the bride/brides mum/bridesmaid dinner and drinks I'm surmising!
Re I was expected to drive, no offer of diesel money mentioned are you also giving a lift to others or being expected to I wonder!

FinnRussell · 20/02/2023 10:58

MichelleScarn · 20/02/2023 10:52

Op would also likely be covering the bride/brides mum/bridesmaid dinner and drinks I'm surmising!
Re I was expected to drive, no offer of diesel money mentioned are you also giving a lift to others or being expected to I wonder!

Surely covering MOB or bridesmaids isn't a thing??

Sadlifter · 20/02/2023 10:59

FinnRussell · 20/02/2023 10:58

Surely covering MOB or bridesmaids isn't a thing??

Show quote history

I've never known it to be a thing.

burnoutbabe · 20/02/2023 11:00

family goodwill would make sense in some situations - if it was your cousin who grew up like your sibling then you;d probably best to go. if the event is actually cousin/aunt/your mum and you - then go.

if she is just a cousin you see rarely and its her and all her mates, then you attending is neither here nor there (though I'd maybe go if my mum and sister was too)

IncompleteSenten · 20/02/2023 11:02

Really it comes down to this - are you willing to pay £320+ and give up a weekend of your time in order to avoid your aunt and your cousin having a go at you?

snowlady4 · 20/02/2023 11:03

"Unfortunately, plans are just not coming together for me to be able to attend your hen. Hope to catch up after your wedding for a little celebration drink with you and look forward to seeing your photos. You will have a fabulous day and be a lovely bride."

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/02/2023 11:05

Sorry, I can’t afford that. Have a great time.

Teateaandmoretea · 20/02/2023 11:07

Tbf I invited people to my hen do who weren’t invited to my wedding. We had a small wedding. But it was just drinks and food at my house then we went into town. I didn’t realise it was such a terrible faux pas.

I think yabu if you can easily afford it. I’d go personally if I valued them as a friend.

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 11:08

@Maireas train, hotel, activity and one meal was £330.
The other 2 meals were probably a couple of pound extra each to cover the bride, nothing that would have made a difference to me being able to afford to go or not

elliejjtiny · 20/02/2023 11:24

FrenchandSaunders · 20/02/2023 10:45

@elliejjtiny what did you all do for a tenner a head?

Went to pizza hut! My teenage sister was desperate to come and be one of the grown ups so going clubbing wasn't an option. TBH I was fairly young so didn't have expensive tastes, just wanted to go out with my friends and wear a bride to be sash.

lieselotte · 20/02/2023 11:25

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 10:47

I think it's pretty standard for the guests to cover the hen now, is it not?
I went on a weekend break last year and we covered the brides train, hotel, one event and 3 meals.

But why? I went to a hen day last year and covered the bride's share but it was £65 each including her bit so a bit different to this.

Not when it's a weekend away or something expensive.

I paid for my own hen day!

Sceptre86 · 20/02/2023 11:25

So what if your aunt speaks to your mum? Your mum has two choices, one she can say that you are a grown adult who makes her own choices and it's nothing to do with her. Two she can say her niece is being bloody cheeky to expect you to fork out £320 when they couldn't even be bothered to invite you to the wedding. I appreciate option 2 might get your aunts back up but so what?

I could afford to spend it on a hen but if I wasn't invited to the wedding wouldn't on principle. Just say you can't make it if you don't want to go but tell them in plenty of time.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 11:27

WFHbore2023 · 20/02/2023 11:08

@Maireas train, hotel, activity and one meal was £330.
The other 2 meals were probably a couple of pound extra each to cover the bride, nothing that would have made a difference to me being able to afford to go or not

Right, so maybe £400 mark, ish?
In the UK?.

Bookegg · 20/02/2023 11:32

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