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Original poster

Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

320 replies

Futball13 · 06/02/2023 10:56

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

OP posts:
Tolstoysbackpack · 06/02/2023 13:36

Did you tell the wedding venue that he didn’t know?

I can’t imagine they would go ahead with the booking if they knew. If you didn’t tell them then you must have some doubts yourself that it’s not very ethical.

I really do think you should scrap the valentines reveal all together. That is is taking the whole thing to a coercion level. Fate accompli.

as someone said it isn’t a game. Try and tell him asap gently so that it can sink in. I think he deserves that bit of respect not a “Surprise, let’s laugh about how silly I am”

Stravaig · 06/02/2023 13:37

Your entire circle of family and friends are equally dodgy if they're all happily going along with a wedding planned in secret with no consent whatsoever from the oblivious forced groom. This poor guy has nowhere to turn for support.

Chilesstanton · 06/02/2023 13:40
Confused
Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 13:48

@Futball13 absolutely love this idea (as you have said, you know him, he loves surprises)! What about bringing him too the country house and giving him a small box with a wedding invite? You can buy them on etsy for cheap and print it off? U could also put a little pocket watch or something like "don't be late".

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 13:49

@Tolstoysbackpack Did you tell the wedding venue that he didn’t know? I can’t imagine they would go ahead with the booking if they knew.

Well I imagine as a business they'd be happy with the custom and they would assume the bride knows her husband to be well enough to know he will enjoy this plan! 🙄🙄🙄

People's reactions.... You'd swear she was marching him down the aisle with a gun to his head!

RiktheButler · 06/02/2023 13:57

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 13:49

@Tolstoysbackpack Did you tell the wedding venue that he didn’t know? I can’t imagine they would go ahead with the booking if they knew.

Well I imagine as a business they'd be happy with the custom and they would assume the bride knows her husband to be well enough to know he will enjoy this plan! 🙄🙄🙄

People's reactions.... You'd swear she was marching him down the aisle with a gun to his head!

I mean - she kind of is.....

Tolstoysbackpack · 06/02/2023 14:01

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 13:49

@Tolstoysbackpack Did you tell the wedding venue that he didn’t know? I can’t imagine they would go ahead with the booking if they knew.

Well I imagine as a business they'd be happy with the custom and they would assume the bride knows her husband to be well enough to know he will enjoy this plan! 🙄🙄🙄

People's reactions.... You'd swear she was marching him down the aisle with a gun to his head!

I guess yes, the venue would assume that the groom knew his own wedding was being booked for him. It’s sort of a given. People don’t normally book their wedding without the other person knowing about it.

and apart from the hun, she kind of is forcing his hand.

but as you say she knows her fiancé best so hopefully it will be accepted in the good humour it is meant to be.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 14:01

RiktheButler · 06/02/2023 13:57

I mean - she kind of is.....

Show quote history

She absolutely is. If he doesn't do a runner first.

ShellsOnTheBeach · 06/02/2023 14:02

Oh, @Futball13- I sincerely hope you have a Plan B...

Whatthefuck3456 · 06/02/2023 14:03

No I think this is brilliant. What’s the worst that can happen he says no. Then weddings off. It’s only yes or no. If he says yes he will be over the moon to skip the whole stressful wedding planning. If my hubby done this to me I would be made up. Goodluck!! If all goes well congratulations and enjoy your wedding day!

007DoubleOSeven · 06/02/2023 14:03

Ignore the wobblers op (especially the one who thinks you're manipulating him into marrying you)! Excited for you!!

Could you take him there for valentines day?

Whatthefuck3456 · 06/02/2023 14:04

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 13:48

@Futball13 absolutely love this idea (as you have said, you know him, he loves surprises)! What about bringing him too the country house and giving him a small box with a wedding invite? You can buy them on etsy for cheap and print it off? U could also put a little pocket watch or something like "don't be late".

Second this

R0ckets · 06/02/2023 14:05

Genuinely staggered at this thread. I mean I love surprises but this is beyond a surprise! It's bloody insane to book, plan and organise a wedding without the knowledge of one part of the couple!!

What happens when he says no? Because even the most laid back, not fussed, surprise loving person would be mad to say anything else.

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 14:06

007DoubleOSeven · 06/02/2023 14:03

Ignore the wobblers op (especially the one who thinks you're manipulating him into marrying you)! Excited for you!!

Could you take him there for valentines day?

I cannot! I can't imagine if my OH took me out for Valentines Day and told me we were getting married in this venue in a few weeks time, and it was all booked... I would lose my absolute MIND! 😂

Tolstoysbackpack · 06/02/2023 14:08

007DoubleOSeven · 06/02/2023 14:03

Ignore the wobblers op (especially the one who thinks you're manipulating him into marrying you)! Excited for you!!

Could you take him there for valentines day?

He might like it, but there is no doubt that it is manipulative. I don’t think OP means it to be in an underhand way but it definitely is manipulation.

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:09

@GoldDuster I'd be delighted. Different strokes for different folks. I mean they are engaged 5 years and have 2 children together. It's not like she is springing this life long commitment out of nowhere 😂😂

itsnote · 06/02/2023 14:11

Nope. Even if I'd wanted to marry a person previously, this level of deception and manipulation would be an instant turn off.

I'd be so upset at the sneakiness, the fact that something as important as marriage was being treated as a funny game by all those close to me. I'd run a fucking mile.

You don't "surprise" someone with a legally binding contract.

I imagine the OP will be back to say he loved it, he just loves surprises etc. but when the level of lying and secrecy finally hits him he might not be so happy with it.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/02/2023 14:11

It's a low key affair (under £10000 all in) and yes I could afford it without a problem. But it it just booked, not all paid for

I'll put it this way. If my OH spent or was planning to spend 'under £ 10,000 all in' without even the sniff of a consultation over whether this was something I'm happy with or want and then planned to present me with a fait accompli, I'd be very, very unhappy about it.

itsnote · 06/02/2023 14:13

"What will he say to his friends about it? Will he be embarrassed to tell them? I’m not sure it’s the cutesy ‘guess what my fiancé has done now lol’ thing that you think it is"

Good point. He'll have the piss taken out of him for the rest of his life. Awful.

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:13

@Futball13 be careful, this is exactly the type of thread the daily fail will grab and make an article out of!

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 14:13

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:09

@GoldDuster I'd be delighted. Different strokes for different folks. I mean they are engaged 5 years and have 2 children together. It's not like she is springing this life long commitment out of nowhere 😂😂

Are you new here? Hundreds of posts every week from women in the OP’s exact relationship situation, whose partners won’t get married. If he wanted to get married, he has had every opportunity at times which would have been sensible for the OP’s future security. My instinct tells me that his own comfort is much more important than her security.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 14:14

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:09

@GoldDuster I'd be delighted. Different strokes for different folks. I mean they are engaged 5 years and have 2 children together. It's not like she is springing this life long commitment out of nowhere 😂😂

It is a lifetime commitment which he doesn't currently have?
Only an imbecile would be delighted to have no say in something this big.
It'll only go op's way if he's a bit of an imbecile... Not what I'd want to marry, personally, but horses for courses.

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:16

@HyacinthineMacaw no Im not new here, I'm just not as miserable and man hating as most of the women on here 🙄

arethereanyleftatall · 06/02/2023 14:16

The problem for the poor to be husband is that he won't say no. He basically can't. Whether he wants to or not.
It doesn't sound like he has the personality type that would stand up and say no.

Gazelda · 06/02/2023 14:17

My OH would probably have walked out on me if I did this to him.

We're very happily married, but he doesn't like to be railroaded into anything. He likes to have input into life decisions, to be involved with big family plans, to have choice in his identity. No way would he want to be told he was about to become a husband.

He also wouldn't be impressed at having £10k of family money committed without being consulted.

Are you sure he wouldn't want a stag do? Or time to choose a ring for you? Or sight of the budget? Or input into the menu/guestlist/flowers/venue? Are you sure he wouldn't mind feeling as though people around him are wondering how much under your control he is? Are you sure he won't go ahead with it because he feels he has little choice, rather than marrying you because he desperately wants to?

But if your DFiance is more relaxed OP, then I guess you know best.