Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

[Futball13]

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

Where exactly are you getting the "man hating" from? Bizarre comment.

@Johnnysgirl not this particular thread but about 90% of the other threads on here! 😂

Wow, I know few men who would love this. No hassle wedding! I would also have love this. As it was, dm planned everything and we just gave her money and I attended the dress fitting.

Some people called me lazy but dm got a big buzz out of it. And most importantly dh approved of doing it this way. He gets along with dm a lot.

You are engaged, which means your finance agreed to get married. Full stop. If someone agrees to get married, then there is no railroading. Unless he wanted to be over involved in the planning and controlling. He still has time cancel getting married. He is not at the altar.

I just hope you haven't spent joined income yet.

What do you mean “man hating” ? Most of the comments have been in favour of the man in this situation. In that the woman is being manipulative towards the man.

I guess if you want to look at the thread in terms of ‘man hating’ it would be more the posts that think it’s a great idea without questioning the situation. It’s sort of treating the man as a passive player in his own relationship and life with no regard to how he might feel.

@Futball13 blimey everyone falling over themselves to piss on your bonfire.

Only you know how it’s likely to go down.

Maybe an invite hidden in a Valentine cake, a treasure hunt, not sure but all the very best and good luck. Would love to know how it goes, it’s exciting and from what you have said he will be in agreement.

As it was, dm planned everything and we just gave her money and I attended the dress fitting
Did she decide you were getting married too, or did you actually have a say in it?
Because this poor schmuck will not.

@Tolstoysbackpack see above where I explained what I meant 👆🏼

You know him, his style, how he'll take it.

I'd take him to the place for afternoon tea and tell him there.

Unless he wanted to be over involved in the planning and controlling. He still has time cancel getting married. He is not at the altar.

So by your logic anyone wanting a say in organising your own wedding is being over involved or controlling? That makes no sense. It's a joint bloody decision so the planning and organising should be shared.

Man hating?

I very much don’t hate men - I’ve been happy with mine for a quarter of a century, and have a close and respectful relationship with lots of men in my life. But the evidence on this very forum shows every day that many men act without the same respect for the women in their lives, and OP has one who has been willing to have children with her and make the grand gesture of an engagement, but no inclination to marry.

Do you seriously think this scenario is going to work out happily?

@HyacinthineMacaw yet again, see above where I explain what I meant!

And yes, I think OP knows her fiancé. I think she knows he would have zero interest in planning a wedding (someone asked if he'd want to pick out flowers, are yoh deluded!? Majority of men would puke at the price of a few flowers of the wedding day - note I said majority so don't come at me saying your precious little Johnny wanted more flowers than you on your wedding day!!). I think she knows he will appreciate the effort her and his family and friends have gone to to give them a good day. So yes I do seriously think this scenario will work out happily!

I actually don't think you can know for sure how much involvement a partner wants in planning such a thing. For many of the men I know they really enjoyed being just as involved as their wives and husbands in the process and it was the actual planning part which was most exciting and enjoyable.

The day goes by in such a hurry that without all the planning, decision making and conversions about seating, food, timings, venue etc it's not really much of an event.

Do you know op personally? How on earth do you imagine you "know" all this guff about a pair of strangers on the Internet?
Mystic Meg... 😂

@Johnnysgirl the same way people on here think he will run a mile, leave her and hate the idea! It's my opinion based on the fact OP has said she knows him and knows he loves surprises etc

Oh @Futball13 sounds great (you say he’d like this). Don’t forget a photographer!
I could see this being a new trend.

This is not about picking the flowers or the colour scheme

This is about being TOLD he is getting married

I'd be curious to hear from a registrar about this, because it actually sounds a iffy - consider if the registrar discovered that the venue was booked and date set without the groom's consent....

Could you do a valentine's style scavenger hunt that gives clues to where the prize is hidden and little hints along the way? My husband would have loved it if I'd done this, lots of negativity on here, not all long engagements are due to not wanting to marry, life gets in the way sometimes 🤷 friends of ours were engaged for years and buggered off to gretna green in the end last year with their kids :) lots of couples also together for years before they even get engaged.

@Confusion101 daftest comment on the thread. It couldn't be less "man hating" if it tried. You've obviously got a very negative view of women.

As for this poster, interesting typo.

"You are engaged, which means your finance agreed to get married. Full stop."

I think there's plenty of men who would hate this idea. My OH included. (side not he defo would not enjoy any of the planning process either but would like a stag and hates surprises). But if he did it for me I'd love it! As I said different strokes for different folks. If they weren't engaged and had never mentioned marriage it'd be the worst idea ever!

So you have put deposits etc down?

At a bare minimum I would expect the man to be involved in the decision about if he wants to get married at all. He isn’t being involved in that and his wedding has been booked and paid for without his consent.

it’s not about if he doesn’t want to get involved in the party planning aspect, but the life choice he should be really.

God, is this a serious post?

Also, imagine if he did the same…and put down deposits etc.

Oh 100%.

I was just responding to the frankly stupid and outdated idea that men don't want a say in any of the actual planning. Which is nonsense going by the vast majority of men I know.

I'd leave in a heartbeat if somebody did this to me.