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Original poster

Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

179 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:27

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Greydogs123 · 01/09/2022 14:31

I wouldn’t go. People who want their friends and family to spend £££ to watch them get married are bad enough, but to also expect you to leave your young child behind/with strangers are just selfish. Tell her you hope she has a lovely day and you can meet up sometime in the future.

HappyHamsters · 01/09/2022 14:31

If you dont want to leave your child at home then I wouldnt go.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 01/09/2022 14:33

I'd not be paying thousands of pounds to go to someone else's wedding regardless. But certainly not if they didn't want my kids there.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/09/2022 14:34

I wouldn't go, children or not. It's just too far away and too expensive to get there. My sisters husbands family in Australia watched their wedding on live stream and they could interact and chat to them. Is that an option so you can still 'attend'

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:34

Greydogs123 · 01/09/2022 14:31

I wouldn’t go. People who want their friends and family to spend £££ to watch them get married are bad enough, but to also expect you to leave your young child behind/with strangers are just selfish. Tell her you hope she has a lovely day and you can meet up sometime in the future.

She lives there so she has friends/family there, plus her fiance's family in NZ then more of her family from UK.

OP posts:
Frizzzmonster · 01/09/2022 14:34

I couldn't think of anything worse then taking a 2 year old to Australia assuming you ar ein the UK. Two long haul flights with a tantrummer would be hell

JorisBonson · 01/09/2022 14:34

Just say no if you don't want to leave your kid. Don't push it further with her.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:35

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 01/09/2022 14:33

I'd not be paying thousands of pounds to go to someone else's wedding regardless. But certainly not if they didn't want my kids there.

Whilst it's a lot of money, it's also a good excuse for us to travel.

Before I was told no children, I'd planned that we would visit Singapore for a few days before the wedding then either Bali or Dubai on the way back.

It was going to be a lovely trip for myself and son who love to travel.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 01/09/2022 14:37

I'd say - Thank you so much for inviting me, I'm really touched, but now that I'm a mum I have to put that first and I've come to the conclusion it's just impossible for me to come. I hope you have the most amazing wedding and I'm really looking forward to seeing all the pix and gutted I'm not going to be in them, but you and your lovely husband are, and that's what matters. Blah, blah, blah.
And send a lovely card and generous gift voucher (you are saving thousands by not going so bung her a couple hundred).

ellyo · 01/09/2022 14:38

I'm all for people being able to choose a 'no kids' wedding, but they have to accept that this may mean people can't/don't want to come. I'd be a bit upset that she wasn't willing to be more flexible, given the distance you'd be travelling, but sadly you can't make her so I'd be saying no with very little hesitation.

Terriblethirtytwos · 01/09/2022 14:38

Not a chance I’d leave a two year old with an unknown babysitter in a foreign country. I don’t think that’s a fair expectation. If you can’t leave him at home with his dad then in your situation I’d just not go.

GoldenGorilla · 01/09/2022 14:39

Your two year old loves to travel? Have you flown long haul with him before?

there is bluntly no way I would have even considered taking a toddler on a long flight, or leaving him behind while I went on a long trip. i also wouldn’t consider spending that kind of money to go to somebody else’s wedding if it couldn’t be part of a family holiday.

is there no way your husband could come too to look after your son? If that’s totally unaffordable are you sure you can afford to go yourself with all the cost of living increases?

id just say it wasn’t possible because you can’t either bring your son on such a long journey or leave him behind. She should understand that.

HappyHamsters · 01/09/2022 14:40

I dont think travelling all that way with a 2 yo would be very relaxing even with stop overs. Singapore Airlines have had to close several of their lounges showers etc. at Singapore airport, when is it the weather can be very oppressive in Singapore, bali and Dubai. Why not wait till your son is a bit older and would appreciate it a bit more or you can afford to go as a family.

littlemisscreative · 01/09/2022 14:40

can you still not do the trip and hire a babysitter especially if its just a few hours if your husbands coming then can he not look after whilst you attend the wedding and he keeps him at the hotel 🤔

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:41

ellyo · 01/09/2022 14:38

I'm all for people being able to choose a 'no kids' wedding, but they have to accept that this may mean people can't/don't want to come. I'd be a bit upset that she wasn't willing to be more flexible, given the distance you'd be travelling, but sadly you can't make her so I'd be saying no with very little hesitation.

That's exactly how I feel. I want her to have the wedding she wants but I'm bitterly disappointed that she'd honestly expect me to leave my child with a stranger in a foreign country or leave him home.

She wants to have children so it's really sad she's done this. I understand she's limited on numbers but it's still so harsh.

We are very close and I did say to her I am struggling knowing what to do. She said she's going to ask the venue more information about the childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
ellyo · 01/09/2022 14:42

Also, she might change her mind on one part of it if you pushed her, but I'd be concerned about the fact that she's really not considering your/your child's needs much at all. If I were travelling all that way and paying that much money, I would hope that my friend would be willing to do what it takes to make it work for us all the other side. The fact she's not taken this approach would make me very reluctant to commit very much at all.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:42

littlemisscreative · 01/09/2022 14:40

can you still not do the trip and hire a babysitter especially if its just a few hours if your husbands coming then can he not look after whilst you attend the wedding and he keeps him at the hotel 🤔

I could do that but how do I even vet a suitable babysitter?

She said she'd look into it but I'd only feel comfortable if I left him with someone at the venue, not back at the hotel.

I won't have phone service so I worry that they couldn't even get hold of me if there was an issue.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 01/09/2022 14:43

We don’t use hotel babysitting services for young children. A couple of hours in a group kids club setting for talking, potty-trained children is ok, but I’m not leaving a 2yo child alone with a person I haven’t personally vetted. So this one is easy for me, I would have to decline.

lunar1 · 01/09/2022 14:44

I wouldn't go. It's obviously a significant expense for you family give you aren't all able to go. But then expecting you to use completely unknown childcare or leave your child behind, it's just too much inconvenience when you add it all up. Use the money for a small family holiday for the three of you.

JadeSeahorse · 01/09/2022 14:45

No way would I go!

I appreciate you see her as a best friend but how can you really be "Best friends" when you live 10000 plus miles apart.
Apart from Skype or similar you are living totally separate lives.

As for the holiday extension, I have been to those destinations. Your 2 year old is really too young to appreciate these areas apart from the beach. OK if you have money to burn but you have already said you can't afford for DH to go with you.
It would be really difficult with a 2 year old without your DH.

Personally, I would save the money and travel on a wonderful luxury long haul holiday when your DS is older and DH can travel with you. Long term you will probably lose regular contact with your friend in Australia at some point anyway.

Ducksurprise · 01/09/2022 14:45

Personally I'd leave the dc with dh and travel alone and have a week there (this is what I did but wedding was in NZ)
I didn't miss them as much as I would have if I'd been at home because the situation was so different.

I have travelled long distance with toddlers but I think you are full of romanticism.

ellyo · 01/09/2022 14:45

I'm bitterly disappointed that she'd honestly expect me to leave my child with a stranger in a foreign country or leave him home

Yes, I think that's the thing. She's not asking you what would need to happen for you to be able to come, and then you deciding whether to bring him or not (and I can see why you would want to), she's very clearly ruling it out as an option. Which I also would find very upsetting given the money, energy and effort involved.if it was a decision you'd made yourself that's different, but it's upsetting to not have the freedom to choose

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyearToTheRescue · 01/09/2022 14:46

Lol yeah there is simply no way I would attend this.

Even without the child issue I wouldn’t use family money to fly myself to Australia and have that whole experience without my husband. I’d rather put the money to a decent family holiday.

LovelyDaaling · 01/09/2022 14:46

I'd say no. I could think of many better ways to spend thousands of pounds and I wouldn't be prepared to leave the baby with strangers or at home.

LionessesRules · 01/09/2022 14:47

Don't take a 2 year old all that way.

Either go by yourself, or don't go at all.