Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

179 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:27

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:10

JadeSeahorse · 01/09/2022 15:08

Fair enough, OP, but, to be brutally frank, you seem to value this friendship far more than she does.

If I had a "Best friend" prepared to spend thousands attending my wedding halfway across the world, I would most definitely invite her to be part of the wedding party, e.g. bridesmaid, maid of honour etc. plus I would definitely be making an exception for your 2 year old child. She has done neither!

Sorry but you have asked for opinions. This is just mine but seems most others are saying very similar.

I appreciate your input. So sad if it's true.

OP posts:
lightisnotwhite · 01/09/2022 15:11

ellyo · 01/09/2022 14:38

I'm all for people being able to choose a 'no kids' wedding, but they have to accept that this may mean people can't/don't want to come. I'd be a bit upset that she wasn't willing to be more flexible, given the distance you'd be travelling, but sadly you can't make her so I'd be saying no with very little hesitation.

It’s just the reception she’s saying no to because of numbers and she’s said she’s looking into babysitters for the hotel.
There’s families flying in from all over so I think it would be a logistical nightmare to even set a date, let alone sort numbers of who is prepared to make it over or not.

Could you not all go over as a family and have the brilliant holiday. You can all do the ceremony and just you go to the reception?

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:12

lightisnotwhite · 01/09/2022 15:11

It’s just the reception she’s saying no to because of numbers and she’s said she’s looking into babysitters for the hotel.
There’s families flying in from all over so I think it would be a logistical nightmare to even set a date, let alone sort numbers of who is prepared to make it over or not.

Could you not all go over as a family and have the brilliant holiday. You can all do the ceremony and just you go to the reception?

Show quote history

I'd love to all go over together but my DH has three other children and takes them on holiday during the time the wedding would be.

OP posts:
Goldfishmountainclimber · 01/09/2022 15:15

Don’t go.

Petrar · 01/09/2022 15:16

I’d politely decline personally, if it’s only you going, and you’re uncomfortable leaving your son. If you’re husband could come and you could make a holiday of it then it’s different.

LarryTrotter · 01/09/2022 15:17

I wouldn't think twice about leaving my kid with their dad so I could go to my best friends wedding.

It's obviously your choice, not everyone feels the same way, but it seems a shame to miss it and it sounds like realistically your options are 1. Go alone or 2. Don't go.

Rosehugger · 01/09/2022 15:17

We've been as a couple to weddings where they had a babysitting service in the hotel for the reception and it was brilliant if you know they are a good sleeper. You put them to bed yourself the the babysitter just watches them in the room for you. I think at two this might be more diffcult as I know DDs didn't sleep as reliably then. Another time we paid for my DM to stay in the hotel and watch DDs while we were at the reception. Anyway I'd look at various options and try to go but ultimately it might not be possible and your friend should accept that.

abovedecknotbelow · 01/09/2022 15:17

Problem is if she yes to your child she has to justify to everyone else with children. Much easier to have a blanket no kids.

I personally can't thing of anything worse than going that far with a two year old, Dts almost broke me we went to LA.

What do you mean you wouldn't have phone service?

NuffSaidSam · 01/09/2022 15:20

OP you're clearly very keen to go.

Either leave your DS with his dad or go and do the traveling you want and just attend the ceremony part of the wedding and any other child friendly parts, miss the evening do.

Tbh I think the number of two year olds who really enjoy long haul flights are in the extreme minority. It's different when they're babies!

Watchthesunrise · 01/09/2022 15:20

Leave the kids at home and have a nice time! This is your opportunity for a break, take it!!

Why drag a two year old round the world? Mental!

Zilla1 · 01/09/2022 15:21

Happy to be corrected but haven't seen a venue in the UK apply a hard limit of numbers to two year olds. Either I'm wrong, Australia is different or it's a monkey on my shoulder excuse. Attending would be a hard no from me.

Twizbe · 01/09/2022 15:21

Ok so with a two year old and in an English speaking country .... I'd look into the childcare options there.

What about her friends and family there? Do any of them have children? If so what childcare do they use? Could they recommend someone?

You can do a couple of introduction sessions with the person prior to the wedding if you're there for a while. Them being at the hotel will be easier for you as they can be put to bed and won't notice you're gone really.

I get it's hard but I think you could make this one work.

Watchthesunrise · 01/09/2022 15:22

If you don't think your child will be fine with your DH for a week then you have a (massive) DH problem.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:23

Rosehugger · 01/09/2022 15:17

We've been as a couple to weddings where they had a babysitting service in the hotel for the reception and it was brilliant if you know they are a good sleeper. You put them to bed yourself the the babysitter just watches them in the room for you. I think at two this might be more diffcult as I know DDs didn't sleep as reliably then. Another time we paid for my DM to stay in the hotel and watch DDs while we were at the reception. Anyway I'd look at various options and try to go but ultimately it might not be possible and your friend should accept that.

My LO is a great sleeper (currently) but I'm not sure how jetlag may affect him.

OP posts:
deeperthanallroses · 01/09/2022 15:24

JadeSeahorse · 01/09/2022 15:08

Fair enough, OP, but, to be brutally frank, you seem to value this friendship far more than she does.

If I had a "Best friend" prepared to spend thousands attending my wedding halfway across the world, I would most definitely invite her to be part of the wedding party, e.g. bridesmaid, maid of honour etc. plus I would definitely be making an exception for your 2 year old child. She has done neither!

Sorry but you have asked for opinions. This is just mine but seems most others are saying very similar.

I think people who have moved across the world feel differently. Rightly or wrongly they see travel as less arduous/ more standard so yes it’s a big ask but it’s absolutely not necessary to have everyone willing to travel to be a bridesmaid! My family live in various continents, travel is normal. Also, she may not want to put that pressure on the op. Which city is it op? That said, I’d leave the 2yo at home. I would bite someone’s hand off to take a long haul flight solo. I would not bite someone’s hand off to take a long haul flight solo with a 2yo (I have done this several times so it’s not a hypothetical. It’s perfectly doable but not a lot of fun.)

mattressspring · 01/09/2022 15:25

That would be a hard no from me.

Lunabun · 01/09/2022 15:25

I'm the only one of my friends to get married so far, but I've laid the groundwork early to make sure they know that, unless I win the lottery or some long lost millionaire relation pops up, if they choose to go abroad and have weddings or hen dos that will cost me lots of money, then I'm afraid I won't be attending 🤣

I think if they choose to get married the other side of the world, then they are probably already expecting (or they at least should be expecting) that some people won't be able to come.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:25

Watchthesunrise · 01/09/2022 15:22

If you don't think your child will be fine with your DH for a week then you have a (massive) DH problem.

My DH is an incredible father. No issues with him caring for his son. The issue is me missing my LO.

OP posts:
Zilla1 · 01/09/2022 15:25

Has two year old flown as sleeping might be fine now but ear pressure changes or aeroplane noises and changes in routine makes many little ones more fractious than usual...?

2bazookas · 01/09/2022 15:26

"Very close friends"??? My eye.

No real friend would dream of putting you or your child in that position.

FourChimneys · 01/09/2022 15:27

I can't imagine taking a child to the other side of the world to leave with strangers. No wedding is worth that.

Watchthesunrise · 01/09/2022 15:28

If the issue is you missing your son for a week then you might need to get a grip. It isn't that long, this is your best friend right?

Craftybodger · 01/09/2022 15:28

No way.

I wouldn’t travel so far with a toddler to have to leave them with strangers and I wouldn’t travel that far (unless it was an emergency) leaving them at home.

I would thank her for the invitation and explain that it it just doesn’t work for your family.

Zilla1 · 01/09/2022 15:28

And yes, if the bride allows the OP to bring her child then the bride might feel obliged to change her no child policy for everyone who has a two year old and who has flown almost half way around the world on their own. Suspect the venue's limit is hookum but easily checked with a call to the venue.

BadNomad · 01/09/2022 15:28

The child can't go to the wedding, so that's that. Your options are to have a stranger babysit him, leave him with his father, or don't go. That's a lot of money and a long way to go for just a wedding.