Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

Oh I see

I think it’s really harsh of her to not expect your 2 year old to attend considering how far away you live and the cost. You’d hope she’d make an exception especially as you are so close or say to you multiple times that she understands you cannot come. She must realise how hard this would be for you!

Now what to actually do. I would go as a family and leave DS with DH for the day when we’re there so I go alone but make it a big trip. Or I’d say we can’t all afford to go which is such a shame, but the truth.

2 years old is very young!

Do you have children? Australia is basically two days to get there and you need to be there around 3 weeks to do anything because of the jetlag. You’d leave a 2 year old for that long?

You can’t to go Australia for a few days. It’s not Spain 😂

@BiscuitLover3678 Yes you can. How do you think business trips happen. I am not saying it’s pleasant or easy but it’s do able if it’s just you

I think yabu putting pressure on the bride to sort out a crèche for your kid. It’s really rude. Go on your own or not at all.

go alone and enjoy being you and not just a mum’ have a fab time and drink loads of champagne and dance the night away all the while knowing your child is at home being well cared for by his dad

It's not a night out in the next town! Or even a long weekend in Spain. It's the other side of the world. It's a ridiculously long trip at the best of times.

My family is in Australia, so I'm used to the trip. No way would I want to take a two year old for a week. He wouldn't be over the outward jet lag before he was brought back to endure the inward jet lag.

If it was a fortnight and the wedding somewhere in the middle, I'd say differently. But a week gives no recovery time.

And a two year old at a wedding ceremony when his body thinks it's the middle of the night and he wants to be asleep? It's a recipe for disaster I'm afraid. And I'm the most avid of travelers, so it takes a lot for me to say no to a trip..

It’s a really long way and a lot of money. You won’t be over the jet lag. And you don’t have to pay for your own business trip.

I can’t believe people on this thread think you would be able to leave a toddler that long. Nuts.

Assuming you don’t have a kid.

If I go alone, I'll only go for the wedding so one week to 9 days max.

Please bother to read my replies before responding.

If I take my LO, we'll likely go for three weeks. It would only be one week if I went on my own.

I do have kids. OP is talking about going over for a week with a two-year-old. I would not organise a creche as I can see the warning signs that OP would cancel at the last minute.
I had this a few times before children, you organise and spend money to accommodate someone bringing their child even though it sounds like the mum will have a hard time doing so, and they cancel at the last minute. As it gets closer to the date she will realise taking a 2-year-old to a wedding in Australia for a week is a lot of hard work and not worth it.

Why on earth do you think I would cancel? If I had the arrangements for my LO sorted, I'd be booking the tickets tomorrow.

Sorry cross posted, just seen OP will go for three weeks.

Honestly the idea of dragging a two year old across the other side of the world, on your own, solely because you’ll miss him, seems absurd.

I presume you are reasonably well off to have done so much travel in the last year and to be considering paying for your DS to fly with you. If that’s the case, why not just pay the extra for your DH to travel with you?

Alternatively, get accustomed to the idea of leaving your DS behind. Yes, you’ll miss him, but he will be with his dad and perfectly happy, and frankly it’s better for him than the disruption of travelling to the other side of the world.

Presumably you’ve been travelling largely with your DS as a baby - a 2 year old is likely to be harder work and less biddable! Travelling on your own with him you’ll both be jet-lagged and exhausted, it will be no fun.

Lol she’s not going for a week! That’s the whole point. Have you been to Australia?

Wouldn't the money be better spent the 3 of you having a holiday? Instead of this wedding.

@BiscuitLover3678 uhhm, yes, I know we are not Spain as I live here🤔. Pre Covid did this route many times as have many of my colleagues and most will again now skies are getting back to normal. You generally leave on the weekend and arrive back the following weekend so away 6 odd days in total and back at work on Monday. We don’t have the luxury of being ‘crushed by jet lag’, we just get on with it and that includes parents of young kids who jump straight back into the daily grind with young kids on top of work.

And yes, have had kids and was always happy to leave a 2 year old with a competent parent for that stretch but no, would not do it with a 2 week old.

Instead of 3 weeks of the 2 of you with multiple stops in Bali and Singapore I’d probably just go to Australia for 10 days the 3 of you if cost is an issue. All go to the ceremony and your child stays with dad for the reception. I wouldn’t want to leave a child for a week (presumably plus a days travel either side). So if that’s not possible I’d decline. I don’t think it would be possible for you to be bridesmaid with your son there and no husband to look after him. Not really possible to be in sole charge of a toddler and do much else!

I’m Australian and DH is from the UK. We got married in Australia. We accepted that many people wouldn’t be able to come due to the cost but that would have been the same for my family and friends if we’d got married over there. A few of DH’s mates came on their own and wives stayed home with the kids. We had a child-free wedding but made an exception for nieces and nephews as we had 3 of them traveling from UK/US and obviously no family babysitters available.

When DH was best man for his best friend in the UK we had 2 kids under 2 and it was a child-fee wedding. So I stayed home with the kids. I think they were a little offended but it just wasn’t financially possible nor would it have been enjoyable. Better for DH to go and be 100% focused on the wedding.

In your situation there is no way I would take a 2 yr old on the trip. No aspect of the travel or wedding would be enjoyable for either of you. Leave him home with dad and just go on your own or else don’t go at all.

I wouldn't go, but if friend doesn't have kids yet, I'd give her a pass fir not really understanding that it's not as simple as "just leave your child with dad/babysitter".

I wouldn't enjoy a week without my 2 yo, not to mention the hideous jet-lag going in that direction, which usually takes a week to get over. So I wouldn't be spending that much money on a trip I wouldn't enjoy. Go and visit her at a later date when you can take your son.

Wedding planning can be really stressful and mean balancing the demands of a lot of people. There could be any million reasons why she doesn't want kids at the wedding and noone is obliged to invite them. I think you're expecting a bit much of her to arrange creches etc to accommodate you, ultimately your child is your responsibility. I also understand a bride not prioritising a guest who lives on the other side of the world in arrangements when there's a high probability they won't come no matter what she does. If you're the only person who has asked for this creche and it's not possible at the venue, you're putting her in a difficult position when she's got lots of other stuff to think about.

If you really want to go, go without DS.

Good for you remaker! When my bil got married in oz and we came over from the uk they had a child free wedding. They didn’t tell us until we had arrived, a week out from the wedding. No exceptions for us. We had a 6mo who wouldn’t take a bottle or eat food, so breastfeeding was the only option. 6mo is at school now but I still remember that, and they have no idea how close I came to not going, because I had no other options.