Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

179 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:27

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Twizbe · 01/09/2022 15:30

If it's just you missing your LO it's time for some big girl panties.

Honestly it could be good for all of you to have some time away.

Ihaveamagicwand · 01/09/2022 15:31

Realistically OP, if you’ve been told your LO can attend the service, just not the reception, surely there’s no way your friend is planning on asking you to be a bridesmaid. As who would look after your DS during the service?

Buglife · 01/09/2022 15:36

I wouldn’t take a 2 year old all that way, massive upheaval and jet lag, and depending on the time of year the heat etc. Also if he gets closer to 3 there’s nap dropping etc to deal with. They are far less portable and easy going with wherever they go very quickly. I would however consider going alone if it was a really really important close friend. We left our 2 year old (almost 3) for 3 nights when we attended a close friends wedding in Italy, with my parents staying in our house so all was familiar for him and he adored being with them. He understood we were going and could count the nights away etc. I honestly loved the break and being with friends again and the time alone and it flew by without much chance to miss him.

However I would also think it’s fine to turn down something so far away as too inconvenient and expensive for your family.

Movinghouseatlast · 01/09/2022 15:38

I would leave a two year old at home with my husband if it were me.

I don't understand how a two year old loves to travel? I can't imagine many 2 year olds enjoying a 24 hour flight.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:41

Ihaveamagicwand · 01/09/2022 15:31

Realistically OP, if you’ve been told your LO can attend the service, just not the reception, surely there’s no way your friend is planning on asking you to be a bridesmaid. As who would look after your DS during the service?

Damn it, that's a very good point :-P

OP posts:
Nadal · 01/09/2022 15:42

No way wouldnt go in these circumstances. Shame, but it isn't feasible. Unrealistic expecting you to handover your child to a stranger. Maybe going on your own is preferable but still a huge ask.

MaggieFS · 01/09/2022 15:44

There are loads of ways you can get through the travel and make this work if you want to, but leaving the child with a stranger babysitter at a different location would be a deal breaker for me too.

Why aren't you keen on attending alone? It might not be what you originally had in mind, but you could still have a great time.

KnickerlessParsons · 01/09/2022 15:46

Frizzzmonster · 01/09/2022 14:34

I couldn't think of anything worse then taking a 2 year old to Australia assuming you ar ein the UK. Two long haul flights with a tantrummer would be hell

Me too. I've flown to Aus with DH and hated the journey, and that was just us. The thought bod doing it on my own with. 2 year old leaves me cold!
Are you aware it's pretty much 24 hours on a plane? Squashed in a tiny seat next to someone you don't know.

I'd leave the child with it's father and go for at least a week so you can see some of the country while you're there.

Or not go at all.

Suedomin · 01/09/2022 15:51

I wouldn't go. If you want to spend that amount of money wait until they are married and you can all go, and have a family holiday.

earsup · 01/09/2022 15:54

don't bother....personally i dont attend weddings with small children anyway....they get bored and run riot and ruin the whole event....as an early retired teacher i avoid all small children now....!!!!

PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2022 16:01

I’ve been to an abroad wedding alone. Dh was happy to support me seeing one of my best friends getting married. I’d be the same if the positions were reversed. If there’s enough money, I’d go alone.

WeAreRuined · 01/09/2022 16:03

No I wouldn't go - the thought of going to a wedding where I don't know that many people without dh - I'd say no. Add in the spending ££££ and all the effort to get there I'd take it as a perfect excuse and I'd get in there with my sorry I can't before I was asked to be a bridesmaid!

StaunchMomma · 01/09/2022 16:04

I wouldn't leave my 2 year old for that long, nor would I put them through long flights and then leave them with a babysitter I didn't know to attend a wedding.

It would be a firm no from me.

Maireas · 01/09/2022 16:07

Twizbe · 01/09/2022 15:30

If it's just you missing your LO it's time for some big girl panties.

Honestly it could be good for all of you to have some time away.

Why?

Maireas · 01/09/2022 16:09

Don't go. Long haul with a 2 year old is tricky, I agree with pp.
Do the trip later as a family when the child is older.

Happyhappyday · 01/09/2022 16:11

I think your friend is being really unreasonable, I’m from US, we lived in UK and got married where I’m from so half guests were traveling, we had no expectation of anyone from UK coming but quite a few did in the end. My mum told me (she paid) she didn’t want non family children to attend, we hardly had any friends with kids at that stage but did have one couple who were traveling from UK with their 2 yo and I did put my foot down and say absolutely their child could come. If someone flies thousands of miles to attend, you jolly well make space for their child!! Normally I’m all for couples saying no kids if they don’t want them, but if it’s a good friend and they’re traveling to bloomin’ Australia you can have their one kid! your partner would be 1 more person, why can’t that person be your DC?

CocoC · 01/09/2022 16:12

Even if she did accept the child at the wedding, what would be the point of taking him? In what way is this enjoyable for him, or in any way worth the thousands of pounds to take him there?
How long would you be going for?
For me, it's either a family holiday (so your husband goes), or if it's a short hop I would question why it's such an issue to leave your child with your husband for a few days - he is not a newborn!

antelopevalley · 01/09/2022 16:13

Don't go.
But in your shoes, I would leave my two-year-old at home and enjoy the adult time away. But DP has always been a very involved parent so I would have seen this as no different to him going away and leaving with me with the two year old.

Tillsforthrills · 01/09/2022 16:14

I can’t believe you’ve asked for her to organise a crèche at her wedding!

Why are you so highly uncomfortable with your 2 year old being babysat?

Anothernamechangeplease · 01/09/2022 16:14

I wouldn't go.

I would and have flown across the world to attend a friend's wedding, but I would frankly be pissed off at a friend's thoughtlessness if they simply expected me to leave my typing child at home or with an unknown babysitter in a foreign country.

If I was travelling that far, I would expect them to make an exception to the child-free policy or accept that I would be unlikely to make it. Totally fair enough to have whatever type of wedding you want, but not fair to expect everyone to just fall in with your plans at whatever cost to them.

A family member decided to have a child free wedding overseas. DD was young at the time and I therefore declined the invitation as I had no intention of travelling without her. Now a parent himself, my relative has since said that he regrets not having made an exception in our case.

Dreamingcats · 01/09/2022 16:15

The thought of flying to Oz with a two year old brings me out in a cold sweat. I wouldn't be attending this wedding unless I could afford to make it a significant family holiday (ie going with partner for three weeks plus).

gogohmm · 01/09/2022 16:16

It sounds like she has fallen in love with a venue that's too small and has no space for a crèche. I would be upfront and state you can't attend unless there's an on-site crèche

SafferUpNorth · 01/09/2022 16:18

OP, I doubt your 2-year-old "loves to travel".... have you ever taken him on a long-haul flight?! Honestly, trust me, 12 hours on a plane with a toddler will be hell for both of you.

We've done it every year since my DS was born to visit our home country, and I can really only say that he started to "love" long haul travel when he was about 8. Clearly, you love to travel (as do I) but save your appetite for Bali. Singapore and Dubai until your DC can properly enjoy it, settle happily in a strange bed in a strange country, enjoy exotic foods and be reasoned with on a plane.

If it was me, I would leave my toddler with DH and go have a blast in Aus. Or not go at all.

Bargoed · 01/09/2022 16:21

So really ? 14 hour flight or 2 days travelling plus then being left with a stranger for hours in a strange venue and then picked up by a possibly tippsy mother to then go to a strange place to sleep and then a reverse journey? Either go alone or excuse yourself

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/09/2022 16:23

Maireas · 01/09/2022 16:07

Why?

Show quote history

@Maireas

because mother and child don’t have to be joined at the hip

it would be chance for op to have a bit of an adventure and really let her hair down at the wedding

time for op to be her, not just a mum