Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

179 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 14:27

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Ihaveamagicwand · 01/09/2022 14:47

Can’t see how you come to the conclusion that your 2yr old loves to travel. What he loves is being with you. And if he can’t be with you, I’d not go.

How much at the age of two, do you really think he is going to get from visiting Singapore, Bali or Dubai? What you really mean is that you will have the pleasure of taking him to these places and ‘making memories’ while his dad is excluded from these.

morescrummythanyummy · 01/09/2022 14:49

Yeah, I wouldn't go. No offence, but I can't see you being as close forever. If it lasts a bit of distance, I'd visit them on a family holiday when you can all afford it later on

Starlightstarbright1 · 01/09/2022 14:50

It would be a no from me.

I would wait till your dc is a little older and visit friend when you actually can spend time together.

RagingWoke · 01/09/2022 14:52

I'd assume if you are at the stage of being invited and haven't been asked to be bridesmaid then you're probably not going to be one.

It's a long way to travel for a wedding anyway, if it was all of you going and making it a big holiday then it's almost palatable. But just you going and leaving dh and toddler at home is a lot of money that could be spent on an actual family holiday if you like to travel.

Inviting people to a wedding so far away or not inviting dc should be done with the expectation that not all will be able to attend.

mast0650 · 01/09/2022 14:52

If it was me I would go by myself, perhaps for only a week, and leave your son with his father for the week. He is just as much a parent as you are! And I think most 2 year olds would much prefer time at home with their father (could he take some time off? do some special fun things? spend a tiny bit of the money you are saving?) than a very long trip to a strange place. You said that's not an option though...

If you are keen to go to the wedding and really don't want to leave son behind then a babysitter for the reception sounds absolutely fine to me. Maybe you could talk to the hotel yourself about arranging a sitter to get some reassurance? Is it close enough that you could have him there for the ceremony then take him back to the hotel for the reception.

But at the end of the day, if you really don't like the idea of leaving your son either way, or aren't that bothered by the wedding, then don't go. I'm sure your friend will understand that it is difficult.

viques · 01/09/2022 14:52

Don’t go. Save the cost of the airfare and hotel and put it towards a holiday that your travel loving child can enjoy with both his parents. Preferably a holiday that doesn’t involve him spending nearly two days having to sit still, be quiet and breathe recycled air.

Apl · 01/09/2022 14:54

Please don’t leave your two year old behind while you travel to the opposite side of the world. What if you get covid or trapped in some lockdown for weeks?! Your child would miss you so so much.

Just don’t go. Plus you get to save thousands of pounds 😀

strawberry2017 · 01/09/2022 14:55

I wouldn't be attending a wedding that was going to cost me thousands to attend and have to go alone. I'd rather use the money to do something with my family instead.

sevenbyseven · 01/09/2022 14:56

I would either go with your ds and dh and turn it into an amazing family holiday OR go alone for a shorter time. Or, most likely, politely decline but aim to visit as a family in a few years' time.

Comedycook · 01/09/2022 14:57

I wouldn't go. The UK to Australia is a massive ask as it is, let alone leaving your child at home.

NerrSnerr · 01/09/2022 14:57

If you're very wealthy and it wouldn't impact other family holidays and annual leave I'd just go alone.

If it impacted the family too much I wouldn't bother.

LadyDanburysHat · 01/09/2022 14:58

If I really wanted to attend I would go alone. Why are you unable to leave your 2 year old with his father? You are happy to take him away from his father for that long, so surely it should be able to work the other way too.

GoAround · 01/09/2022 14:59

I’d go on my own and leave the toddler with my DH. If you don’t want to do that then just decline. A random babysitter would be a hard no.

Rutland2022 · 01/09/2022 14:59

I wouldn’t go. She’s a knob and not worth the air fare.

Go on a lovely holiday your family instead.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:00

JadeSeahorse · 01/09/2022 14:45

No way would I go!

I appreciate you see her as a best friend but how can you really be "Best friends" when you live 10000 plus miles apart.
Apart from Skype or similar you are living totally separate lives.

As for the holiday extension, I have been to those destinations. Your 2 year old is really too young to appreciate these areas apart from the beach. OK if you have money to burn but you have already said you can't afford for DH to go with you.
It would be really difficult with a 2 year old without your DH.

Personally, I would save the money and travel on a wonderful luxury long haul holiday when your DS is older and DH can travel with you. Long term you will probably lose regular contact with your friend in Australia at some point anyway.

I disagree with this. We might not be able to meet up for coffee/meals etc often but we speak very often.

We were seeing each other multiple times a year before covid/baby.

I have two closest friends and honestly I barely see my friend who lives close by. Life is just busy.

OP posts:
flyingant · 01/09/2022 15:01

I'd just say no.
Also, wouldn't you know by now if you were going to be a bridesmaid?

Lunificent · 01/09/2022 15:01

I think you should just go if you want to and pull out if you don’t. You sound like you really fancy making this trip as you’d enjoy the holiday aspect of it. If that’s the case, go and don’t worry about the babysitting issue. It’ll get sorted and it’s a short time in his life that he won’t remember.
if you don’t want to go, that’s also fair enough. It’s a massive cheek to expect someone to travel that far but make childcare so awkward.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:02

Ihaveamagicwand · 01/09/2022 14:47

Can’t see how you come to the conclusion that your 2yr old loves to travel. What he loves is being with you. And if he can’t be with you, I’d not go.

How much at the age of two, do you really think he is going to get from visiting Singapore, Bali or Dubai? What you really mean is that you will have the pleasure of taking him to these places and ‘making memories’ while his dad is excluded from these.

His Dad has three other children hence why he can't afford to always travel with us.

You're right, he does simply love being with me. But he also loves the food in new places, the different surroundings and exciting things that we do.

He's 16 months old and has visited 15 countries so far. Yes he won't remember, but I can tell him about our travels when he's older and show him pictures etc.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 01/09/2022 15:03

Send a nice gift and a card.

Your friend is a numpty.

Whataretheodds · 01/09/2022 15:06

Im not pasing judgement on her invitation as that's pointless. As is going/not going but being in a huff. Their day, their choice how to arrange. Your choice to accept or not.

Options:

  1. don't go
  2. go by yourself, get a babysitter /creche idea comes off, have a holiday with your son either side
  3. go with your OH who looks after your son on the wedding day itself, have a holiday with OH and Ds either side
  4. go with OH, leave DS at home (i think you said you wouldn't want to do this).
mathanxiety · 01/09/2022 15:06

Your currently 16 month old likes new foods, doesn't mind planes, etc, but by the time the wedding rolls around you might be dealing with a different child altogether.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:07

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyearToTheRescue · 01/09/2022 14:46

Lol yeah there is simply no way I would attend this.

Even without the child issue I wouldn’t use family money to fly myself to Australia and have that whole experience without my husband. I’d rather put the money to a decent family holiday.

What do you mean by family money? I earn my own salary to pay for my travel.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 01/09/2022 15:07

I wouldn't go. It's such a long trip with a 2yo and so expensive. It's sad to miss the event but frankly it's a huge ask.

JadeSeahorse · 01/09/2022 15:08

Fair enough, OP, but, to be brutally frank, you seem to value this friendship far more than she does.

If I had a "Best friend" prepared to spend thousands attending my wedding halfway across the world, I would most definitely invite her to be part of the wedding party, e.g. bridesmaid, maid of honour etc. plus I would definitely be making an exception for your 2 year old child. She has done neither!

Sorry but you have asked for opinions. This is just mine but seems most others are saying very similar.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 01/09/2022 15:08

mast0650 · 01/09/2022 14:52

If it was me I would go by myself, perhaps for only a week, and leave your son with his father for the week. He is just as much a parent as you are! And I think most 2 year olds would much prefer time at home with their father (could he take some time off? do some special fun things? spend a tiny bit of the money you are saving?) than a very long trip to a strange place. You said that's not an option though...

If you are keen to go to the wedding and really don't want to leave son behind then a babysitter for the reception sounds absolutely fine to me. Maybe you could talk to the hotel yourself about arranging a sitter to get some reassurance? Is it close enough that you could have him there for the ceremony then take him back to the hotel for the reception.

But at the end of the day, if you really don't like the idea of leaving your son either way, or aren't that bothered by the wedding, then don't go. I'm sure your friend will understand that it is difficult.

I love this! You are completely right, he is a parent.

I'll see how things pan out.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread