Wedding in Australia but no children allowed

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Hi all

One of my best friends is getting married and I'm thrilled for her. She lives in Australia and the wedding is there.

She has dropped the bomb that no children are allowed. I'll be travelling from the UK with my 2 year old.

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

Other option is to attend and she said she is looking at babysitting options. She mentioned this would be at a hotel, not the venue. I feel highly uncomfortable with this too.

I asked whether she'd consider getting a creche service at the venue. I said I'd be happy to chip in and pay and she also said there will be more children who would attend.

Strangely she said little ones can attend the ceremony as it's outside but can't attend the reception as the venue has limited numbers.

She will have people travelling from UK and New Zealand.

I feel so torn as I'd love to attend but it's such a dilemma.

Also we're very close friends and I would hope I might be a bridesmaid. I think perhaps if I'm not asked to be a bridesmaid then that might make my decision easier.

This is going to me thousands of pounds to attend. Obviously if I go on my own, then it will cost less as only one plane ticket.

What would you do?

@Bargoed

lol what’s so bad about a tipsy mother??

I would not organise a creche either as I would suspect strongly OP would cancel her DC coming as the date got closer. Creches are not cheap and few people really would fly long haul with a two-year-old for a wedding.

Mother and child don't have to be "joined at the hip" - but it's the other side of the world, not the next town. If the mother of a small child isn't happy with that, that's fine.

In my experience, people who behave this inflexibly have no qualms about not supporting you at you own life events once the boot is on the other foot, and they have small children while yours are now older. Life moves on, you have new priorities and you can't fit them around her specifications.

@Dinoswearunderpants

The options would be for me to go to the wedding alone (hubby will be at home as can't afford to attend) so my LO could stay with him but I hate the thought of leaving him. I honestly don't really see this as an option.

why?

it’s by far your best option

go alone and enjoy being you and not just a mum’ have a fab time and drink loads of champagne and dance the night away all the while knowing your child is at home being well cared for by his dad

what’s could be wrong with that?!

@Maireas

child will be with his other parent though so it’s fine

Is this a serious question? You genuinely can't imagine why the mother of a young child would be uncomfortable leaving him alone with an unvetted hotel babysitter in a foreign country?

I would either go by myself or not go and save the money and book up for somewhere that you and husband and child can all go together and experience some memories together. Not that a 2 year old will really remember the trip.

Flying, jet lag, will make this very very hard, OP.

I do LH flights with my kids.... to see friends and family. I'd not do it with a 2yo for any other reason.
And it is going to cost you thousands.
Suggest an live Zoom stream or something?

If she is from the UK and has other UK friends and relatives, I think she needs to be realistic about the fact that most won't be able to come.

When I married in Japan, I did the actual wedding in Japan, then did a kind of "bridal party" thing in the UK at my parents' place a few months later during my next trip back to the UK. Just a big potluck at my parents' house with all the UK people, and I even put my wedding dress on again and paraded around a bit for photos. Afterwards, I remember saying to my husband that it was actually a lot more fun than the wedding itself and I kind of wished we'd done the Japanese wedding more like that.... Perhaps she might like to think about a "second" less-formal UK event when she next comes back, for all her UK friends and relatives.

@LuckySantangelo35 At home or with another responsible adult around - absolutely nothing - but trying to look after a 2 year old who's been with strangers all day?, in a strange location/hotel - it's frankly asking for a fuck up to happen. It's classic circumstances for an accident if you look up common denominators

It's not about them being "fine", it's about the separation. Not all mothers like that level of separation at that age. It's not wrong, we're all different.

It is only fine if they are equal parents. In reality in a lot of couples the mum still does most of the actual parenting.

OP it sounds like you’re good friends and you’d really like to attend and be with her on the day. And you fancy the trip with your DS.

I would go. You may find a solution to your babysitting problem before the wedding and if you don’t, you can always attend the ceremony with DS and not the reception. Wouldn’t you have to leave the reception early to put him to bed anyway?

I'd love to all go over together but my DH has three other children and takes them on holiday during the time the wedding would be
Surely this could be moved for the sake of a week? I'm assuming the wedding is still a decent amount of time away.

Before I was told no children, I'd planned that we would visit Singapore for a few days before the wedding then either Bali or Dubai on the way back.
If you don't do this, could you afford for DH to come too?

I don't think the bride would let her go to the ceremony with the child.

I def would not voluntarily take a 2 yo to Australia whether they were invited or not.

leaving with dp could be an option but it sounds like you really don’t want to do this so don’t.

I wouldn’t fancy the babysitting option
either

tbh i don’t think people who haven’t got children really “get it”. I didn’t tbh.

@Frazzled2207 Perhaps she just assumes the child can be left with his father?
Where a father is truly an equal parent that is the obvious solution.

I would go myself and in fact have done when I left 2 DC to attend my cousins wedding in America. I stayed 5 days

The OP says this is fine

Oh right - missed that, so the problem is the reception?

30+ hour journey including flight change, each way, for a wedding? Not a chance.

I haven't asked her to do that. She mentioned finding a babysitter for everyone and I explained in the UK, there's companies who offer wedding creche services. She wasn't aware of this and thought it sounded like a good idea.

I leave my son in creche in hotels I'm staying at but if I'm leaving him away from where I will be, likely 20 mins drive away then I don't like this idea.

Yes. Because the reception is indoors yet the wedding ceremony is outdoors.

Your 2yo loves long haul flights from London to Australia? Then he’s better than all of us combined I would say.

I would do him a favour and leave him at home with dad. Go to the wedding and have a nice time doing adult stuff for a few days.

I wouldn't go.