Fiancé said I have to cancel our wedding

[Sarah1997]

We have been together for 8 years and got engaged in December 2020. We booked our wedding for June 2023. He proposed to me and viewed the wedding venues with me. We went to view one, he said he wanted to get married there, we both agreed and booked it. The venue has been booked for about a year now, save the dates have been sent, most other things have been booked, he has chosen and asked his best man (off his own back) and guests have booked accommodation. My parents have paid for all of the deposits so far and are planing on paying for everything and my dress has also been bought by them and is now in my cupboard. He has been worried about the wedding and has told me about this but said it was fine and hed get over it. This is mainly due to the speech which he is absolutely petrified of, but also the first dance and ceremony and generally being the centre of attention for the day. The wedding booked is quite a large wedding, but he knew this at the time but still wanted to do it. He has now told me that he does not want to get married and never did. He said we have issues in our relationship and if I want him to stay and work on it together, I’ve got to cancel the wedding. He then said he does not want to get married, even though he has told me for the whole of our relationship that he did, and was aware that it was very important to me that we did. I know that this is mostly because he is worried about it, but he is adamant that he will not get married or speak to a counsellor or anything about his anxiety to do with this. It is all a huge mess and I don’t know what to do for the best. To me, if our relationship is so bad that it cannot be fixed before next June for us to get married, then we should be separating altogether anyway. I am just not sure what to do.

[daisychain01]

He has been worried about the wedding and has told me about this but said it was fine and hed get over it. This is mainly due to the speech which he is absolutely petrified of, but also the first dance and ceremony and generally being the centre of attention for the day. The wedding booked is quite a large wedding, but he knew this at the time but still wanted to do it. He has now told me that he does not want to get married and never did.

He's a complete and utter jerk. Unbelievable.

To say that he never wanted to marry you is a cruel admission that he's been leading you up the garden path all along.

on that basis alone, and forgetting all the limp excuses he gave you leading up to the final bomb shell, I'd dump his sorry arse for being a liar. You can't possibly want to marry someone whose word you can't ever rely on. He's shown you who he is.

-and him telling you that you have to cancel the wedding is his way of saying I've dropped you in the merde but you've got to clean up the mess and pay for the deposits.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Hum.... my DH got quite bad jitters about the wedding, not entirely unlike what the op describes. (He had an added layer of hating more than I'd realised that it was in a church, the only options at the time were church and registry office, I'd never known anyone choose the latter for a first marriage...). But a lot of it was 'social anxiety'.

... that was in 1986 and we've been happily married since.

[SmileyPiuPiu]

I hope you're OK OP.

[Jackiewoo]

The wedding is just a day, all the dresses and food and marquee is just window dressing, the relationship and whether you are both ready for marriage is what really matters.

Weddings are funny things, when you're young having the perfect 'big day' seems like the logical next step after a certain time in a relationship, and they can be contagious, then once the wedding plans start its like a juggernaut. After the wedding day everyone will forget about that and start asking you about babies and that's when the reality of married life starts, but children can test the strongest relationships. You both have to be very sure that marriage is what you want and that you want the same things out of life.

You are both so young and will have changed a lot, he's been flakey and crap about telling you but if the relationship is no longer working and he says he doesn't want to get married please stop focusing on having the perfect 'big day' and listen to him, forcing it isn't fair on anyone. Speeches can be nerve wracking but it shouldn't require counselling to get anyone to the altar, he's telling you he's not the one.

[momtoboys]

That must have been tough to hear. Listen to what he is saying. Don’t try to read into it and make excuses for him. He doesn’t want to get married. Maybe ever or maybe just not to you. You need to move on. You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. You’re better off knowing now.

I was engaged when I graduated Uni and broke it off 3 months before when everything was ready to go. Huge wedding. It was really hard at the time but I went on to date many wonderful men and married a man that has worked with me to make a nice life and a lovely family.

[UncleQuentinsWife]

🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️🧟🧟‍♂️

Reviving a six month old thread about a relationship problem is quite unkind and definitely unnecessary.

🧟‍♀️🧟🧟‍♂️ ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️ 🧟‍♂️ 🧟‍♂️

[momtoboys]

Oh, no! Did I somehow resurrect this post? I didnit notice the date! I am so sorry if I was the person that did this. Can we get it removed?