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Weddings

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Original poster

Lost a friend over her wedding :(

117 replies

Heyahun · 31/01/2022 14:47

Awkward one - friend had to reschedule her wedding several times due to Covid! In the 3 years since she got engaged my circumstances have changed (I have a small baby)
I am a Bridesmaid

The last wedding was planned for a week after my due date - so I declined ( the wedding is in a different Country - where we are both from)

She was very upset with me that I said we couldn't go and had zero understaning of the situation - even saying well fly over with the baby when it's born and take it to the wedding (baby was actually 10 days over so no I couldn't have gone!)

Then it got moved to May of this year - so YAY we can go!

I arranged for my Mum to look after our baby for the day - said we would travel down morning of the wedding and my Dad kindly offered to collect us that night and take us back to theirs.

She said I have to be there the day before .. I can't go the day before as my baby is exclusively breastfed so really I can only leave her for the day not overnight

I was getting stressed about being a bridesmaid so I met up with her and said i would be happier to attend as a guest as I feel I can't give the role of Bridesmaid the attention it needs and I can't be there the day before etc

well she blocked me that day, removed me from the hen whatsapp group and now im wondering whats going on!

Have i been an awful friend? am I now no longer invited?

I've already booked flights and time off work so I am a bit miffed tbh

OP posts:

Orchid876 · 31/01/2022 15:31

You're not the bad friend, she is. It horrible the way she's acted, but she's well and truly shown her tire colours and you're better off without "friends" like these.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2022 15:31

She's a twat.

You're fine.

Just try and get a refund on your flights and enjoy your baby.

thevassal · 31/01/2022 15:32

@Owlink

Re your update: honestly why bother going to the wedding? She sounds like she'll just make your day horrible for you, either not speaking to you or being cold & gossiping about you with others. She blocked you for heaven's sake. That's not something you do to a friend who's about to travel by plane to be a guest at your wedding! Just go & see your parents with your baby. I bet you'll all have a lovely time just you four 😘

I think op means she will still travel to the country the wedding is held in, as she has booked flights already, but will just spend her time with her parents who also live in that country rather than going to the wedding.

EileenGC · 31/01/2022 15:33

I’m never in favour of passive aggressive actions, but I would send this very selfish ‘friend’ an invoice for the cost of flights + other expenses already incurred. Add your bank account details at the bottom, and say that you promise not to ever contact her again if she so wishes, but she owes you the money for those flights. She probably won’t pay but honestly, the cheek of some people…

Teateaandmoretea · 31/01/2022 15:33

Surely by May the breastfeeding aspect will be quite a bit different particularly if your baby is over 6 months by then? That said if you think you won't be comfortable leaving your baby overnight then that is still perfectly reasonable.

She sounds a total nightmare otoh. I guess if I'm going to be really kind she has had her wedding cancelled several times so is probably very stressed but it isn't really an excuse.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2022 15:34

She is being a ridiculous bridezilla. Let her block away.

Original poster

Heyahun · 31/01/2022 15:34

@Continentalmama she actually doesn't take a bottle - she is 10 months old!

I've left her a few times for the day and she has been fine as she eats really well

She only really has milk in the morning and after her morning nap then she has a big feed before bed at 7 and she still wakes at night once or twice!

I was going leave some breastmilk for my mum to give her in a sippy cup before bed and hope for the best! I would have been back by midnight anyway. So that's why I felt I couldn't go the day before

ANYWAY - guess I don't have to worry about all this now if i'm no longer going

Good call to get in touch with mutual friends to explain reason we are not going

I am looking forward to seeing my parents and they are so excited to have the baby over for a few days!

It's just all a bit of a shock didn;t expect her to block me! We've been friends for 15 years

OP posts:

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 31/01/2022 15:34

I think you have had a lucky escape. You don't need someone like this in your life.

Have a good time visiting your parents.

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 31/01/2022 15:34

What a brat.

Everyone must kowtow to her wishes regardless or else.

Has she always been a bitch?

I think ditch her forever now because it won't get any better.

She'll have a baby and then fall out with you because you didn't spend enough on birthday gifts for the child.

It'll never end. You'll never be able to get it right. I pity her husband-to-be.

Original poster

Heyahun · 31/01/2022 15:35

yeah by May it might be fine to leave her overnight but I can't be sure of that so I didn't want to commit you know!!

Having a bottle refuser is a challenge haha

OP posts:

TenoringBehind · 31/01/2022 15:38

She sounds awful,and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Don’t give her any more headspace.

Kite22 · 31/01/2022 15:39

Your friend is clearly no friend to you, and sounds completely dramatic and over the top. It sounds like you have made all the arrangements you can to try to be there for her, and have even offered to step down as bridesmaid due to your circumstances changing, but, not only has she not understood that, but she has flounced.
I would - like you have done - let someone who will be at the wedding (friends, or if you are friendly with her family) know that you will be in the Country and had been coming to the day, but that, as she has now blocked you and won't even discuss anything with you, you are assuming this means you have been uninvited so you won't see them on the day.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/01/2022 15:42

Normally I'd say she's being a bridezilla but sounds like she's being a bratty friend.

Blocking you after she knows you're making an effort and have paid for flights is a complete bitch move and I'd want to not go to her wedding.

JugglingJanuary · 31/01/2022 15:43

Do you still want to be friends? Or not?

If not then explain to mutual friends & let it go!

Look for somewhere lively to go out with DH, I'm sure your parents will delight having DD all to themselves!!

If you still want to be friends, then just give it some time, don't go out of your way to tell mutual friends & wait & see if she gets back to you.

These things happen with brides, it's a stressful time (especially during covid) they usually feel bad, especially once they have a baby themselves!!

I'm sure by May, DD will be eating more than enough to not miss a couple of feeds if you were to stay a couple of nights near the wedding venue, but you're a FTM so you're unsure, which is understandable.

Have your parents spent anytime with DD yet? Are you able to visit before May? While she's still a baby & not a toddler?

RedToothBrush · 31/01/2022 15:44

Turn up at the wedding with your baby. Just to PISS HER OFF. And then be incredibly nice to her.

If she kicks off, she'll ruin her own 'perfect' wedding! Result.

The idea that you could have a baby never mind a passport within 10 days of your due date is nuts.

She's not your friend. But given her attitude, I'd like to make her feel very uncomfortable and guilty.

Dasher789 · 31/01/2022 15:44

Yanbu but I can see why someone would be upset if their friend said they didn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore. It sounds like a no win situation for you both sadly.

babyjellyfish · 31/01/2022 15:46

Let this one go, OP.

This isn't the kind of friend you need in your life.

She's lucky that you were willing to travel to her completely child free wedding without your young breastfed baby. She can't dictate that you stay over the night before as well.

babyjellyfish · 31/01/2022 15:47

Actually I've just seen that your baby is 10 months old. By May your baby will be over a year old and you probably could stay overnight even if she is a bottle refuser.

But your friend is still being unreasonable.

PrinnyPree · 31/01/2022 15:49

OP you sound like a great friend, she's being a brisezilla, sigh a breathe of relief that this entitled drama queen has removed herself from your life. I assure you your life will be so much better without this one person who you no longer have to tread on eggshells around.

HeyBlaby · 31/01/2022 15:49

She's an absolute horror.

mathanxiety · 31/01/2022 15:50

You are well rid. Your former friend is a self centered cow.

Go to visit your parents with the baby when the time comes, if you can't get the tickets refunded. Have fun with your family.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 31/01/2022 15:51

I'd say she's finding it difficult to understand why you can't leave your 15 month old child at home. She's not exclusively breastfeed if she's on solids as well. If she knows people who've done it before it can be perplexing as to why everyone else can, but at the end of the day it's your choice. I think for some people it's harder to accept that everyone has different and diverse parenting decisions when you havnt had a child yet.

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2022 15:52

I'd say she's finding it difficult to understand why you can't leave your 15 month old child at home.

Then she’s an inconsiderate idiot. It really isn’t rocket science.

Mummyduck2 · 31/01/2022 15:55

I've seen your baby is 10 months old, so come May will be what, 14 months old? Perhaps your friend feels hurt that you've decided so far in advance, when you don't really know what way your child will be feeding then. Especially given their age. Many people leave their kids overnight at that age.

But not wanting to leave your child over night is perfectly fine. And so is being disappointed someone doesn't want to be your bridesmaid anymore. So It really is a no win situation isn't it.

Shame how she's handled it, but if she had form for being bratty I'd just leave her be and get on with your life without worrying. If you're keen to keep the friendship going, I'd recognise that she's had a pretty stressful time of it herself having to rearrange the wedding etc, and is understandably a bit hurt at your change of mind, and just give her some space.

As for the messaging mutual friends to get your side across, seems a bit bitchy to me. I wouldn't go out of my way to do this, may be the final nail in the coffin for the friendship!!

malificent7 · 31/01/2022 15:55

She's a complete dick!

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