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Original poster

Vegan Wedding

182 replies

AmyD54321 · 04/08/2020 07:49

Partner and I are planning our wedding for next year, we’re both vegan. A lot of partner’s friends are big meat eaters and have always mocked him for his veganism, and I know they won’t take kindly to a vegan wedding, and there will definitely be a few comments on the day.

We obviously want our guests to have a brilliant time, and we both love food so will be putting a lot of our budget into the best vegan caterer we can find, but we’re anxious this will be lost on some of our guests. Most I think will be absolutely fine with and will enjoy the food, but some are less ‘open minded’ let’s say.... We really don’t want to buy any animal products, I don’t think I’d be able to do it. I don’t want to inflict my views on anyone, I generally don’t mind if people eat meat, but I just don’t want to fund it.

So I suppose my question is, would you enjoy a vegan wedding? Also, should we note this on the invitations, or just let everyone turn up unaware?

OP posts:
Shayisgreat · 04/08/2020 11:19

My husband and his sister have a LOT of allergies and really struggle to find many vegan dishes that they can eat that they like. It might be worth asking for allergies of guests and make sure that there are some options for them. Totally ok not to provide any animal products at your wedding.

user1495884620 · 04/08/2020 11:20

How obvious that it is going to be vegan, depends on the size of the wedding. If you have a tiny wedding with a small number of close friends and relatives, then they are likely to know it will be vegan. If there is a lot of extended family and acquantances, they may not be expecting it. Like great auntie Maureen who thinks a vegan is the fellow with pointy ears in Star Trek. And your former uni flatmate's plus 1, his fiance that you haven't met yet and has no idea that you are vegan. Etc.

Staplemaple · 04/08/2020 11:22

As vegan food can be delicious, as long as you find a good caterer who can do things beyond the usual lentil Ragu, it sounds great. As for whether to mention it on invites, it's fairly usual to include a menu choice, but it depends I guess whether you're thinking of a sit down meal, or a buffet? You'll no doubt get people who moan beforehand if you say it's vegan, but I bet they'll eat something on the day. Obviously allergies need to be taken into consideration, but that would be the same if there was meat etc anyway.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/08/2020 11:22

I've been to 2 Vegan Weddings ... the food was fine... big issue over nothing ... 🌺

user1495884620 · 04/08/2020 11:24

@ClaudiaWankleman

Generally weddings cost a lot more to the guest in terms of gift, outfit and accommodation than they will get back in free food

Gifts aren't given to be earnt back in free food though @user1495884620

You give the gift as an expression of your hope and congratulations to the couple. The relationship isn't transactional.

@ClaudiaWankleman, I agree with you. But that was specifically in response to a previous poster saying that people shouldn't be moaning about free food.
xolotltezcatlopoca · 04/08/2020 11:28

Those people who think vegan food = boring, will be totally surprised how interesting and tasty it can be.

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/08/2020 11:34

@ivfdreaming

When most people have weddings they arrange for vegetarian and vegan options so why can't you? Seems like meat eaters are prepared to accommodate you but not the other way around?
This is always my (never voiced out loud!) issue. Surely it comes down to manners? A vegan could eat meat but chooses not too. A meat eater could eat vegan food but chooses not to.
AiryFairyMum · 04/08/2020 11:42

The worst option is the standard wedding food one - dry, mass-cooked and generic (usually soup, chicken, cheesecake, served with warm white wine) - yet that's what most people serve. I used to work in a hotel banqueting kitchen and the standard of the food was dire, but people paid a fortune for it because they needed 100 covers serving within 10 minutes, so that was the only real option.
I would 100% prefer a vegan menu to this - and so would your guests.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 04/08/2020 11:44

JudgeRindersMinder, you are totally wrong. I am not vegan myself, but I respect their choice. I wouldn't expect vegan person to serve meat, it's not as simple as you can eat but choose not to like preference it's more ethical.

rookiemere · 04/08/2020 12:02

I'd be happy with a vegetarian wedding, but I would be slightly concerned about how strict things would be at a vegan one. So for example would you have cow's milk for tea and coffee - I'm guessing not as it's not vegan.
For one meal I'd be more than happy with vegetable and nut based buffet, but I don't like or eat meat substitutes as they don't agree with me, so keeping it natural plant based may be the way to go.

Lightyearspast · 04/08/2020 12:04

Surely it comes down to manners? A vegan could eat meat but chooses not too. A meat eater could eat vegan food but chooses not to.

But these are not equivalent. Meat eaters eat vegan food as part of their normal diet (anything made from veg, fruit, cereals, etc), but vegans don't eat meat/dairy. And veganism is generally an ethical/moral choice, more like a religion without the god than a random preference.

Meat eaters accommodating non-meat eaters is politeness, because they have no ethical objections to the food on offer and it doesn't involve going against strongly held beliefs. Expecting vegans to accommodate meat eaters is asking them to do something they might consider unethical.

Staplemaple · 04/08/2020 12:05

As a lot of people are vegan for ethical reasons, I imagine they don't want to be paying £££s towards an industry they actively don't support. I can't really see how the other way round is the same, I can't imagine many meat eaters having ethical reasons for not supplying a vegan option, and if they do, that's up to them, as long as they make it clear to the attendees.

JustCallMeGriffin · 04/08/2020 12:05

My friend got married at Buckland Hall which is 100% vegetarian as a minimum but happy and capable of catering for vegan weddings too.

The food was incredible, only a couple of guests pined for meat products but they were all polite about it because it was what the bride and groom wanted and crucially they paid for 3 days of excellent food for all guests.

As the person hosting and paying for the wedding you shouldn't have to compromise your ethics to please uncle Frank and his need for a slab of dead flesh! (I do eat meat but find those kind of meat eaters who must have meat with every meal ridiculous).

BikeRunSki · 04/08/2020 12:06

If I knew you, I’d expect it, and embrace it.

elenacampana · 04/08/2020 12:12

Do what you like with the menu and don’t make a thing of it :-)

GlamGiraffe · 04/08/2020 12:13

Thete is no need to specify the type of food in advance, it is sensible though at the time of sending invitations to ask if guests have any food allergies. You can therefore ensure you are able to cater for sufferers of allergies of nuts, lentils, sesame etc safely.
You wouldnt expect go to an indian or chinese wedding and be given roast beef so why would anyone expect you to provide something completely different to you would ordinarily serve.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 04/08/2020 12:54

Theres No need to even make it a thing. Just ask the usual what allergies / intolerances do you have question for the rsvp card.

Veterinari · 04/08/2020 12:59

Surely it comes down to manners? A vegan could eat meat but chooses not too. A meat eater could eat vegan food but chooses not to.

Are there really meat eaters who choose never to eat a meal without meat? ANo toast, salads, jackets spuds with beans, veggie stir fries, pasta and sauce?

In which case you've got bigger problems than just manners...
I find it bizarre that anyone would be arguing this on the basis that some people only eat meat products. If they do they're considerably rather than vegans!

JustCallMeGriffin · 04/08/2020 13:09

Are there really meat eaters who choose never to eat a meal without meat? No toast, salads, jackets spuds with beans, veggie stir fries, pasta and sauce?

Yep, my husband. It's ridiculous but the only thing I've seen him eat without meat is dessert which would be a whole other level of weird!

PhoneLock · 04/08/2020 13:22

"Those people who think vegan food = boring, will be totally surprised how interesting and tasty it can be."

Can be. I had some vegan friendly birthday cake last week and it was truly awful.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 04/08/2020 13:37

PhoneLock, I make vegan cake because my dc can't have dairy or eggs.
When he was a toddler, my cake was awful, nothing like non vegan cakes. Now I don't think you can really tell the difference, at least that's what my dh says. One thing is that I got more experience, and the other, there are many great recipes I can find, and you can get alternative ingredients more easily these days.

randomsabreuse · 04/08/2020 13:47

I have a vegan Banana Bread that works really well (intolerant) it's as good if not better than normal ones, it's still go to cake for using up bananas!

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/08/2020 13:54

It is our special day, why should we placate others?

I agree. Meat eaters should take the same stance at their wedding.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 04/08/2020 13:55

@Veterinari

Surely it comes down to manners? A vegan could eat meat but chooses not too. A meat eater could eat vegan food but chooses not to.

Are there really meat eaters who choose never to eat a meal without meat? ANo toast, salads, jackets spuds with beans, veggie stir fries, pasta and sauce?

In which case you've got bigger problems than just manners...
I find it bizarre that anyone would be arguing this on the basis that some people only eat meat products. If they do they're considerably rather than vegans!

Yes, but I have butter on my toast, eggs/cheese/mayo on with my salads and jackets, and while I may do a plain tomato pasta if I cba to make a proper lunch I think this is a shit option for a wedding menu. And no I don’t have stir fries with no meat. Remember vegan isn’t just no meat, it’s no animal products at all
Itsjustabitofbanter · 04/08/2020 13:59

People aren’t even going a get a decent cup of tea at this wedding