Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be embarrased about this...

99 replies

Peggydd · 05/05/2019 20:37

So basically yesterday my DM & DF got invited to the evening reception of a good friends’ daughter’s wedding.

I’ve just found out that they turned up at the church to watch the bride and groom get married! They weren’t asked to come along nor did they ask if they could attend that part.

AIBU to be embarrased that they just did this? I am mortified on the bride’s behalf. Their other friends also got invited to the whole event so perhaps their friend (whose DD got married) is now embarrased that she didn’t invite my parents to the whole thing?

As a back story DM has told me that if people get married in a church anyone can attend the ceremony and also in the past this did frequently happen, even if you weren’t invited to the reception. I personally don’t get why you would do this?

I didn’t get married in a church and nor has anyone else i know, but i don’t think DM has ever got over this. I also don’t think she understands that times have moved on and that wedding ‘traditions’ aren’t what they used to be! Cringe!!!

OP posts:

larry55 · 06/05/2019 08:41

When my dd got married in Church where we all out members we knew that we couldn’t invite everyone to the reception so a general invitation was issued inviting everyone to the ceremony and then for coffee and cake in the church hall afterwards. This meant that the reception guests got a chance for something to eat and drink while photos were taken and everyone else could be part of dd and sil important day.

Louloubelle78 · 06/05/2019 08:42

My lovely Man would often nip down to church to watch strangers weddings. She loved a wedding and sometimes she would take us. One of my lovely memories of her. Think this used to be quite a popular thing to do.

Ceebs85 · 06/05/2019 08:43

A normal thing to do! My mum has been to mine and my brothers school friends weddings just to see them get married. A church is a public place and it's a lovely thing to do.

LadyGagasMeatDress · 06/05/2019 08:44

I had a couple of total strangers who lived in my mum's village turn up to mine. It was absolutely fine - I thought it was rather lovely, actually.

jellyfish70 · 06/05/2019 08:44

I also invited some work colleagues to my evening reception and some of them came to the church to see me arrive and then sat at the back of the church. This was all at a time before bridezillas existed and people didn't think they were minor celebs for a day!

LL83 · 06/05/2019 08:48

My friends parents turned up at church when I got married. Knew them well as a child but they weren't invited to wedding (friends were though). I was really touched that they were keen to see me on the day, was really nice that they came.

ChrisPrattsFace · 06/05/2019 08:49

My wedding wasn’t a church one, and we had guests turn up that weren’t invited to the breakfast - just the reception.
Didn’t find it embarrassing st all.

JellySlice · 06/05/2019 08:50

YABU

A wedding ceremony, civil or church, is a public event. Anyone may attend. In every civil ceremony I've attended, a member of staff stood discreetly by a door to ensure that it remained unlocked, unblocked, and access was available to all. But I did not actually realise why they were there until my own wedding.

I was married in a function room in a popular tourist venue. We were warned that both the interior and exterior doors to the room, which were normally locked, would be unlocked during the ceremony to ensure public access, but that a member of staff would be posted there to ensure public decorum. Some tourists did, indeed, peek in. There was no disruption. If anything, it added to the fairytale quality of the day.

Newbie1981 · 06/05/2019 08:51

The evening invite just means they're not paying for you to have the meal at the reception. They would be happy for you to go to church (usually) but some wouldn't write this explicitly on an invite as it can sound complicated. They would def not be annoyed unless they turned up at the reception.

RuthW · 06/05/2019 08:51

They are right. It's quite the norm to turn up at the church univited.

Equimum · 06/05/2019 08:57

Yep, anyone can attend a church wedding. I got married in the village where I grew up, and where my mum has lived her whole life. There were a lot of people in church who weren’t invited to the wedding, but came to see the marriage. Some I knew quite well, and others were people who only knew my name through my mum. It is quite common, and my mum has often got to see other village girls get married. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

EustaciaVye · 06/05/2019 09:17

This is quite normal and happened to me.
A work colleague I had invited to the evening do attended the ceremony in church because she wanted to see it. Quite sweet really. She hung around for the photos outside the church though which was weird so my group photo has close friends and family and 1 colleague I had at the time i no longer see.

Casiloco · 06/05/2019 09:25

Don't think we will hear of OP again! 😂

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/05/2019 09:42

I think you're right casiloco but it would be gracious of her to come back on here and acknowledge she was wrong!

diddl · 06/05/2019 10:45

It's making me feel old though " also in the past this did frequently happen,"

BackforGood · 06/05/2019 15:40

It's ok Diddl - it still does happen, certainly in my Church and I'm pretty sure in most Churches across the Country.

shrumps · 06/05/2019 18:58

YABU. It's ok to do this. Loads of people do it.

Cryalot2 · 06/05/2019 21:59

Nothing wrong . Here it quite common for people to watch the wedding so to speak and slip into the back of the church or gallery after bride .
It's seen as a compliment. Usually some provision for them..

paap1975 · 08/05/2019 11:57

Church weddings are open to everyone (by law). You can attend even if you don't know the couple, should you really want to

ShartGoblin · 08/05/2019 15:46

I think this is ok really and I'm sure the bride & groom weren't bothered at all, they may even have been pleased. The bulk of my guests will be evening only and we are making the evening the biggest part because we are on a limited budget. I would absolutely love to be able to invite everyone to the wedding but it would be extremely rude to invite them to the wedding and evening but not the reception. If they just appeared at the wedding I would be really pleased to see them.

Lori67 · 11/05/2019 11:00

Where I live it is the norm for locals to turn up at the church and watch the bridal party go in and some go inside for the ceremony too. No one thinks anything of it.

BentBaastard · 11/05/2019 11:03

Did you expect us to agree with you?

Not cringey at all. You should be cringing for being embarrassed.

I don’t think this thread turned out as you expected.

It was very nice of them to go and watch I think.

luckylavender · 11/05/2019 15:20

Fairly standard where I'm from.

Stiffasaboard · 11/05/2019 15:23

Plenty of people turned up to my wedding that weren’t invited- people in the village or friends of my parents. It was lovely and I was thrilled

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread