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Original poster

AIBU to be embarrased about this...

99 replies

Peggydd · 05/05/2019 20:37

So basically yesterday my DM & DF got invited to the evening reception of a good friends’ daughter’s wedding.

I’ve just found out that they turned up at the church to watch the bride and groom get married! They weren’t asked to come along nor did they ask if they could attend that part.

AIBU to be embarrased that they just did this? I am mortified on the bride’s behalf. Their other friends also got invited to the whole event so perhaps their friend (whose DD got married) is now embarrased that she didn’t invite my parents to the whole thing?

As a back story DM has told me that if people get married in a church anyone can attend the ceremony and also in the past this did frequently happen, even if you weren’t invited to the reception. I personally don’t get why you would do this?

I didn’t get married in a church and nor has anyone else i know, but i don’t think DM has ever got over this. I also don’t think she understands that times have moved on and that wedding ‘traditions’ aren’t what they used to be! Cringe!!!

OP posts:

UrsulaPandress · 06/05/2019 07:51

You are the one who should be cringing at your reaction to a perfectly normal and totally acceptable to do.

AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore · 06/05/2019 07:51

I've had quite a few evening invites where there's been a explicit invitation to join at the church too if it fits our timings, and at our wedding loads of local friends turned up the church who weren't coming along to the reception (mostly parents friends who knew me as a youngster) - I think my mum informally invited them, but not sure! Perfectly normal imo.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/05/2019 07:52

Totally normal. The last church wedding I went to had lots of people who were invited to the evening do come along to the wedding ceremony. It's a lovely thing to do. Theceeddinv ceremony is the most important part of the day

OllyBJolly · 06/05/2019 07:54

I often do that - after all, the ceremony is the important part. There's usually a fair few attendees at the ceremony who don't go to any other part of the day.

At my own church, there was a small group who attended weddings whether they knew the couple or not. They would go to the wedding and then a local cafe for tea and cakes.

Nowt wrong with it! (unless you're the evil ex maybe......

JenniferJareau · 06/05/2019 07:55

YANBU. I'd have thought they were being passive aggressive and turned up in protest at not being invited to the whole day.

MadisonAvenue · 06/05/2019 07:56

This is fine. I remember years ago when we had a local paper which had a family announcements section, wedding notices always contained a line about people being welcome at the church.

SpeckledyHen · 06/05/2019 07:58

Normal in the village I was brought up in . The ceremony is the important bit anyway .

m00rfarm · 06/05/2019 08:00

It can be considered correct to do so in some circles. If you’re invited to any part of the wedding you should show up at the church.

Herefortheduration · 06/05/2019 08:03

I had people not invited turn up to see me get married in church, I was insanely flattered tbh. They actually care about me enough to do that, even though they weren't close enough for an invite, that's a truly lovely gesture.

Pretry · 06/05/2019 08:04

Tbh it's the only bit I enjoy, love seeing a bride.

SquigglePigs · 06/05/2019 08:06

We had a small wedding (only 20 odd people for the whole thing). Most of the small church congregation came to the service as did a surprising number of local friends (including one friend travelling an hour and a half to attend the service). I was just touched they cared enough to come despite not attending the rest of the day (we had a separate party for friends at a later date).

I did similarly with a friend marrying locally when we were attending the evening do - the ceremony is the important bit and it was great to be able to watch - we had discussed it beforehand and she had wanted us to attend but felt it rude to ask as we weren't attending the afternoon reception so it worked out perfectly.

You friend should just be happy you parents cared - I think it's sweet, not cringe.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 06/05/2019 08:07

I have very happy memories of a full church at our wedding. A large number of the people there hadn't been 'invited'. They included parents of friends who had known myself or Dh since childhood, a couple of neighbours and even one of my old teachers who'd beard the banns being called and came along as well as a couple of random people who nobody knew. There is a lovely photograph taken as Dh and I were walking back down the aisle which clearly shows some of them - it's actually one of my favourite pictures from the day.
As others have already said, you have no need to cringe - your parents clearly understand the etiquette of a church wedding better than you.

MinecraftMother · 06/05/2019 08:08

V typical in Ireland and it's lovely.

nopen · 06/05/2019 08:10

I've known this happen plenty in the past. It's normal. As long as they don't rock up at the reception venue expecting to be fed afterwards!

TheTreeHearsYourSecret · 06/05/2019 08:11

Completely normal, my Mum's friends from church attended mine, it was lovely.

I didn't separate out day time and evening reception as I was only having a tiny wedding of 30 people but it was lovely that people had taken time out of their day to watch me get married.

A church is a public building, anyone can watch.

Dundunduhduhduhdundun · 06/05/2019 08:11

One of my friends had a very close family only day wedding, (parents siblings)then a big reception at night. We all went along in our jeans, as did her aunties, cousins, neighbours, some parishioners, attended the ceremony and threw some confetti outside. Carried on our day and then attended the big reception in the church hall at night. Completely acceptable and quite standard.

My mum will quite often go the church when someone she knows the mother of is getting married. She mostly hangs about outside to see the dress though but if she was more holy she might be inside too. The ones that do just loiter at the back and it is a big church so it's all fine.

Bobbybobbins · 06/05/2019 08:15

When we got married we stayed in a rented house in the village my parents live in as they had loads of other family guests staying with them. When the couple who we rented the house from found out we were getting married, they came to the church which was lovely!

user1474894224 · 06/05/2019 08:17

We are getting married in church in 2 weeks time. We are printing extra orders of service, putting out extra chairs and because our reception is in the church immediately following the service I imagine we'll have a few extra people staying for drinks. (My mum is a regular at the church and has been telling everyone about the wedding.)

diddl · 06/05/2019 08:18

That was lovely of them.

Someone I worked with invited a friend & I to the eveing do only but we went to the church to see her get married.

It didn't affect her in anyway-we didn't push into the photos!

Genevieva · 06/05/2019 08:23

A lot of the old folk in our village attend weddings. It is a bit of entertainment on a Saturday and they get to enjoy seeing the church flowers and what the bride wears. A few of them are daily church goers. It is inconceivable that they wouldn't be there.

SoyDora · 06/05/2019 08:27

It’s absolutely fine and considered normal in some circles. It doesn’t cost the bride/groom anything to have extras turn up to the church, it’s not like they turned up at the wedding breakfast demanding to be fed.
The ceremony is the most important part of a wedding, after all!

Ferii · 06/05/2019 08:30

DM has told me that if people get married in a church anyone can attend the ceremony and also in the past this did frequently happen, even if you weren’t invited to the reception

Yep that's true, anyone can attend a church wedding. I had ppl attend mine that I hadn't invited (parents of my bridesmaids) and I was very happy to see them there. I think it's lovely that someone would come to the church to wish you well without expecting to also come to the expensive food and drink reception.

I also had an extremely CF come to my wedding who was not invited and had actually been told specifically twice that he wasn't invited. He got the details from another guest, gave my wedding planner a headache about where to seat him, complained he didn't have a wedding favour, and then he ate two whole meals - my food was £150 a head! He's also in a fair few of the photographs as well. That's the definition of a CF, your parents were just being sweet.

jellyfish70 · 06/05/2019 08:33

That's a normal/traditional thing to do. Anyone can attend the church for the wedding ceremony just as anyone can attend the church for a funeral.
At my wedding, which was local, some neighbours sat at the back. I thought it was lovely.

daisypond · 06/05/2019 08:36

Your parents’ friends were being thoughtful and kind to put themselves out to attend the wedding. As pp have said, weddings are public events and anyone can attend. They don’t have to even know the couple at all. Random tourists were present at a recent wedding I attended.

Casiloco · 06/05/2019 08:39

Yup - you are being VU.

But I blame Mumsnet - the hoohah about invites to the "proper" reception or the evening always miss the point that it is the bloody ceremony which is actually the important part!
And it was assumed in the past that if you were invited to any part of the post-ceremony celebrations, then you would naturally be at the Church!
Most wedding invites these days aren't actually wedding invites, they are party invitations. Shame. I actually find it quite odd when people go the evening party and don't go to the Church.

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