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Original poster

AIBU to be embarrased about this...

99 replies

Peggydd · 05/05/2019 20:37

So basically yesterday my DM & DF got invited to the evening reception of a good friends’ daughter’s wedding.

I’ve just found out that they turned up at the church to watch the bride and groom get married! They weren’t asked to come along nor did they ask if they could attend that part.

AIBU to be embarrased that they just did this? I am mortified on the bride’s behalf. Their other friends also got invited to the whole event so perhaps their friend (whose DD got married) is now embarrased that she didn’t invite my parents to the whole thing?

As a back story DM has told me that if people get married in a church anyone can attend the ceremony and also in the past this did frequently happen, even if you weren’t invited to the reception. I personally don’t get why you would do this?

I didn’t get married in a church and nor has anyone else i know, but i don’t think DM has ever got over this. I also don’t think she understands that times have moved on and that wedding ‘traditions’ aren’t what they used to be! Cringe!!!

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 05/05/2019 20:40

Ah, no harm done. As long as she wasn't up the front in the family pew. I wouldn't stress.

flapjackfairy · 05/05/2019 20:40

Yes v typical in our church. Often a drink and little cakes are laid on for everyone who attends before those invited move on to the main reception.

stucknoue · 05/05/2019 20:41

In church anyone can attend, it's public. Very normal

slipperywhensparticus · 05/05/2019 20:42

Anyone can go you dont need an invite

washinglions · 05/05/2019 20:43

Etiquette-wise, that is absolutely fine. The church is a building open to everyone and in essence, a public building.

Modern wedding 'traditions' might be different and you probably wouldn't rock up to some other wedding ceremonies unannounced, but a church is a place of worship, not just a wedding venue.

SauvignonBlanche · 05/05/2019 20:43

Your DM is quite right.

NerrSnerr · 05/05/2019 20:44

Your mum was right, anyone can go to the church part. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 05/05/2019 20:44

Not cringe. Fairly normal!

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 05/05/2019 20:44

It’s pretty normal.
My best friend’s Dad came to the church when I got married even though he was only invited to the evening party. He wanted to see her in her bridesmaids dress.
My parents did the same at hers and I know of others who have gone to the ceremony at church.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 05/05/2019 20:45

Yep your Dm is correct. Anyone can come to the church.

shoofly · 05/05/2019 20:46

Church wedding is open to the public, I honestly don't understand your problem? They went to see the important part of the day and celebrated with the couple at the evening reception. You've been reading too much of the perpetually offended on mumsnet Hmm

Awrite · 05/05/2019 20:48

Absolutely fine. I hope your Mum doesn't know you are cringing on her behalf.

EggbertHeartsTina · 05/05/2019 20:48

I had a few friends of parents come to my church ceremony (who weren’t invited to the do) and I thought it was lovely to have them there wishing us well. I think it’s pretty normal in a church community for people to come along to wish the married couple all the best.

Nishky · 05/05/2019 20:48

It’s fine. Some of my brother’s workmates came to the church for his wedding - they then disappeared and came to the evening do..

I thought that was quite traditional for church weddings

howwudufeel · 05/05/2019 20:52

That’s normal and actually quite a lovely thing to do.

BlueMerchant · 05/05/2019 20:53

I can remember my mum dragging me to church and us lurking in the graveyard watching a distant relatives wedding party emerge from the church when we hadn't been invited.Hmm

Ellieboolou27 · 05/05/2019 20:55

I had many of my work colleagues attend the church when they were only invited to the evening reception. I thought it was lovely they made the effort to attend.

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 20:56

Pretty normal when getting married in a church. If they bride and groom invite everyone to the whole day it would cost a fortune, but if they were to ask people to come to the ceremony and then just the night time reception people would have hours to kill in between.

Mumofone1593 · 05/05/2019 20:57

Lots of older people came to my sister's wedding in a church, then went to a pub for lunch and joined for the evening, it's very normal, don't stress

Whackaguacamole · 05/05/2019 20:58

It's fine, normal and nice of them

blue55 · 05/05/2019 20:59

No problem at all. I'd think it sweet if it were my wedding (got married last year and was so thankful to everyone to chose to join us).

As long as they didn't turn up for the meal which would have already been paid / catered for?

trilbydoll · 05/05/2019 21:00

Quite a few of our evening guests came to the church. Totally normal and one of the advantages of getting married in church.

OddBoots · 05/05/2019 21:02

Assuming they then left and went back for the evening do without making any comments about not being invited for the whole day then it seems fine to me.

Poppins2016 · 05/05/2019 21:04

This is normal at my parents church.

I wouldn't have had a problem if someone had done this at my wedding. It would have made them happy and been completely harmless.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 05/05/2019 21:04

Anyone can enter the church whilst there’s a wedding. I think that’s rather sweet that they did.

Sounds like you don’t understand how churches work.

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